Of Spilled Milk & Grace

photo credit

"Mommy, he spilled his milk all over the floor!" says the four year old going on fourteen who has determined it is her responsibility to reign her only fourteen months younger brother in.

Sighing...after a morning spent putting away several loads of folded laundry, washing two loads of dishes, sweeping up several days worth of crumbs and mess on the living room floor, and beginning the several day process of packing for the first of many summer weekends spent away from home...I walked over to the table, shoulders slumped and spirit defeated, silently grabbed a towel, and chided my three and a half year old monkey of a boy for not being careful yet again while methodically mopping up the spilled milk.

As I mopped, I wondered if whoever came up with the phrase "don't cry over spilled milk" was ever a stay at home mom of three little ones, because all I wanted to was cry. Sometimes, this mothering journey feeling so overwhelming and all consuming.

I wonder where that girl went who spent her days daydreaming about how to train up the hearts of students, creating pictures painted on paper with words while imagining her name in print beneath the word "author", and being swept off my feet by a handsome prince who would carry me off to our happily ever after.  I never imagined the day to day struggle to get out of bed after another restless night of (lack of) sleep, putting one foot in front of the other simply to spend my days cleaning up messes, drying tears, breaking up arguments, and disciplining rebellious hearts.

But then, I look up at this three year old who be-stills my heart every single time he calls me mommy and I remember how he is a gift, most precious and most treasured, and how I wouldn't trade him for clean floors or even a full night of sleep.  So maybe, instead of crying over spilled milk, I should, like Corrie ten Boom, thank Him for the "fleas".  

Because even the icky-sticky messy moments of motherhood are a blessing.

It's most often in the hardest moments of day to day mothering, when I reach the end of myself, that I begin to capture just a tiny glimpse more of how deep and wide is His love for me and how all consuming and all sufficient is His grace.  

I am just as rebellious as these little ones pushing and pulling to gain their independence and find their own place in this world.  No matter how many times I am the culprit of yet another spilled milk mess, He quietly and patiently grabs a towel, mops it up, and looks at me with eyes full of love that knows no bounds and is not limited by me. 

And so, instead of crying over today's spilled milk, I smile and ruffle his newly cut summer hair, a silent message that speaks louder than words.  He smiles back, assured by my actions that no amount of spilled milk will change this mommy's love. 

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Snow Day

It takes at least twenty minutes to get them ready, all bundled up for play in the winter wonderland that is once again our backyard.  They stomp their boots across the floor, smiles spread across their faces peeking out of their winter cocoon. 

I open the door and watch them slowly walk out, their excitement slowing down to a wonder and awe at the still freshly falling snow.  They march around the deck, staring at the way their boots imprint themselves in the snow, giggling at the snow slowly blanketing them in white. 

I listen to them begin to run and jump around in the snow as I load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen counters.  In one ear I hear the coos and squeals of our littlest one discovering his voice as he kicks and squirms around in the warmth of our home.  In the other I hear the laughter of these two who seem to have leaped out of the toddler stage and are now running full speed into childhood. 

And as I listen, I remember. 

I remember the sledding hill we built in my childhood backyard and the hours and hours spent laughing our way through day after day of winter wonderlands. 

I remember watching the news waiting to hear those magical words and changing out of my school uniform into my own winter cocoon. 

I remember seeing the wonder of it all anew when a childhood friend escaped her snowflake free southern home to see a white Christmas in the Midwest. 

I remember sipping hot chocolate and listening to the snow hiss and swish as the words blizzard hurried us into the safety and warmth of home.  

And I smile as I watch my own children creating new winter memories, because it's come full circle now.  My childhood is long gone, but I see it again through the eyes of my own children. 

Linking up with Melissa for this week's Bigger Picture Moment.

 

Twas The Write Before Christmas: Day 4

Home For The Holidays

 Photo by Julia Jean Photography

Home. 


One drama princess girl

Clothed in pink

Dancing to her own beat

Singing her own melody

Laughing out her joy.


Home.


One wild monkey boy

Adventure seeking

Risk taking

Couch climbing

Bike riding

Smile contagious.


Home.


One sweet baby boy

Tiny fingers holding on tight

Soft blue eyes engaging ours

Sleepy eyed, milk drunk smiling

Slowly finding his own voice.


Home.


One mountain bike racing husband

Gently leading

Graciously forgiving

Intentionally encouraging

Choosing love daily.


Home.


If home is where the heart is, 

then my home is divided four ways.

No matter where we are 

or what our Christmas looks like 

from year to year, 

I know where I belong 


and they are my home.   

 
Linking up with Bigger Picture Blogs for this year's Twas The Write Before Christmas.  Check out this year's prompts here and join in the fun!

 

Just Write: The Here & Now

In the middle of the night, my son begins to squirm.  I crawl out of bed, scoop him up, and nurse him before his midnight cries wake anyone else from a quiet slumber.  I can't stop staring at him, the way his hands wrap around me and hold me tight, the way he sighs so softly as he soaks up mommy's milk, and the way the two of us are connected so beautifully beyond the womb.  These are the moments I don't want to forget, that I want to imprint on my heart for years to come.

As the flow of milk slows and his sighs give way to the soft whisper of a sleeping babe, I think of my friend and I stay awake a little longer just to watch his chest rise and fall with each little breath, breathing my own prayer of thanksgiving for a son who fills my arms and my heart with more joy than I ever imagined possible.  And praying for my heavenly Father to wrap His arms around my friend's empty ones and encompass her with a peace that surpasses understanding. 

The little one asleep in my arms begins to fuss.  His night time congestion wakes him from his slumber and I rise from bed to walk and rock him back and forth.  My eyes begin to droop as my weary body reminds me of my own need for rest...but, for a moment, I forget my own discomfort and stare again at this newborn baby in my arms.

I can hear the soft snores of my daughter and older son in their room and I remember the many sleepless nights rocking them back and forth.  I know too many women who long for those sleepless nights, just to have their baby here once more.  I breathe another prayer, this time asking Him to remind me always not to take these moments for granted and to know, even when it's hard, that motherhood is a blessing and these little ones are a gift.  I don't deserve these gifts, but oh, how I love them...and oh, how I would miss them if they weren't here.

Because life really is a vapor...and we are not promised tomorrow.  These little ones belong to Him and only He knows the number of their days.  Our days together are numbered, whether it be until tomorrow or decades from now.  

So, for today, while they are here in my arms, I will stop to stare at their chests rising and falling with each breath, to laugh and dance myself silly just to see them smile, and to take mental snapshots of every single moment, breathing in the here and the now.  If all we have is today, I want to remember this forever. 

Linking up with Heather for this week's free writing exercise.

Enter to win a $50 credit to Shutterfly!

 

Wordless Wednesday: Guess Who's THREE?!?!

For more photos of our birthday boy, check out Katherine Bernau Photography. 

Also, it's become tradition for me to write a birthday letter to my little ones and you can read it over at our family blog.

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Mending Moments

I'm folding laundry, quietly listening to our little ones play together, when I noticed a shift in the tone of their little chatter.  My daughter, ever so seriously, says to her brother, "Yeddo, great mommy got really sick and then she died..."

 "Oh..." he says and then there is silence.

And in the silence, my heart breaks in the places that were only beginning to mend.

It's been nine months now and still there are days that I miss my grandma so much it hurts as much as the day we said our last goodbyes.

All it took were a few words from my four year old, who sometimes displays a wisdom and understanding beyond her age that catches me off guard, to remind me that a piece of my heart will always be missing. 

***

On a Wednesday night, my almost three year old son waltzes through the living room after another fun night at Awana.

"Mommy, God made the lights!" he declares and dances around giggling.

I can't help but smile at the faith of a child and the innocent awe and wonder he finds with every new little nugget of Truth he learns.

And I'm amazed that he's beginning to take it all in and remember, excitedly telling me what he learned, and at the unwavering belief he already displays.

Just a few moments later, he reminds his daddy, "We need to read God book!" and bounces onto the couch next to his daddy and big sister for evening devotions and bed time prayers.

I listen to their sweet little voices lifting up prayers to our great Creator God and I am in awe at the story God is only beginning to write in their little hearts.

***

Before nap time one day, my daughter curls up next to me on the couch and whispers, "I not feel good, mommy."

I rub her back and hold her close.  "You will feel much better after you get some rest," I explain and hold her hand as we walk to her room.

"But, mommy...I not want to die!" she declares and I can hear the fear in her voice.

My heart breaks again and I am at a loss for words.  How do you calm the "what if" fears for a four year old who has already watched us grieve not one, but three losses?

"Shhh, sweetheart.  You're going to be okay."

My words come through in barely a whisper and after kissing her goodnight, I can't help but stare at her for a few moments longer as the "what ifs" cloud my own thoughts.

We are not promised today or tomorrow or even the moment after this.  Every breath I take is a blessing and a gift.

***

Nestled close to my son during another evening devotion time, we all listen closely as daddy reads from "God book".  The kids ask questions and are so curious.  I can feel their hunger for Truth in the urgency and excitement of their little voices.

And then, in one swift moment, my son leans over, looks straight through my eyes to my soul, and whispers, "mommy, I like you".

If one moment breaks my heart, another moment mends it with just a few simple words.  

This moment and every little moment I'm given with these two blessings is more than I deserve.  I may not know what tomorrow holds and I may not understand all the "what ifs" of life, but this one thing I do know.   
Every moment is a gift.

I'm going to grab hold of these moments, bottle them up in my memories, and pull them out when life is hard and in those moments when my feet are swept right out from under me.

Linking up with Corinne for this week's Bigger Picture Moments.

 

Bigger Picture Moments: This Kind of Love

Photo credit: storyvillegirl

He picks out his clothes and brings them to me.  He washes his hands and puts his dirty dishes in the sink.  He lines his cars up all in a row and counts to ten.  He asks me questions, sparks conversation, and makes me laugh with his silly banter. 

He wants to do everything by himself these days, but the moment he is hurt or afraid or simply tired, he crawls back in my lap and curls into that place in the crook of my shoulder that still perfectly fits him.

And I remember moments not so long ago when he lie cradled in my arms, skin to skin and heart to heart, drinking up this mommy's love and the only nourishment his tiny growing body needed.

It didn't matter where or under what circumstances. In the middle of a restaurant, in the changing room of a clothing store, in the shade of a tree at the park, in the comfort of our own home, in the circle of a family gathering.  The world seemed to stop spinning the moment he latched on and stared deep into my eyes.

The burdens of the day forgotten, I stare back into his deep eyes, watching as his eyelids grew heavier.  His tiny little hand pulls mine close, holding tight, and for this one moment in time nothing else matters.  Slowly and calmly, he falls into the sleep of a baby satisfied with mommy's milk and a love so deep. 

He no longer seeks this kind if nourishment, but he will always, always need this kind of love.

Note: I wrote this post in honor of World Breastfeeding Week 2012.  Despite rocky beginnings, I am proud to say I nursed my firstborn for 13 months (through most of my second pregnancy!) and our second for 18 months.  We are expecting #3 in early October and I look forward to these sweet moments once again.  There really is something magical about breastfeeding. 

Linking up with Brooke for this week's Bigger Picture Moments.

 Linking up with Natural Parenting Network for World Breastfeeding Week 2012.



Don't forget to enter my Lilla Rose Giveaway for a $16 gift certificate for some beautiful Lilla Rose Flexi Clips!

 

Little Red Bike

Shoes securely tied. 

Helmet fastened tight. 

Eyes fixed on the goal, 

he climbs aboard his little red bike. 

To be fast is what he likes. 

One swift kick of his legs 

and two little wheels rocket forward.  

Up and down, 

back and forth, 

"Vroom" goes his little red bike.

To be fast is what he likes.

Reaching the sidewalk, 

turning the handlebars, 

and, without a moment's hesitation, 

veering in a new direction 

on his little red bike.

To be fast is what he likes.

Feet now lifted off the ground, 

balancing his new found independence 

on two little wheels.  

To be fast is what he likes.

A little dirt, 

a blade of grass, 

a bump in the road - 

they are no match 

for his little red bike.

"I fast, mommy!" 

he proudly declares 

as he soars past.  

In one afternoon, 

on a quiet street in the city, 

a racer is born 

on a little red bike.  

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Always My Baby

Weary and worn from a long day of mothering, I sink into the soft cushioning of our couch.

My son, the one I still call my baby, who just yesterday searched my face with newborn eyes, walks out of his bedroom proudly holding his bedtime clothes.

I watch him struggle, one leg at a time.  Every ounce of this mother's heart wants to wipe that frown of frustration away and come swiftly to his rescue.

But I watch instead as this once a baby, now a toddler, tomorrow a boy determines to "do myself".

Then, with three simple words, he waves his flag of surrender.  "Mommy, you help!"

My heart swoons, not at the words spoken but at the meaning they hold; I am still needed.

Once dressed for bedtime slumber, he reaches out and wraps his arms around me, this all too quickly growing boy still longing to be held.

"Oh, my baby boy...Did you know, I love you so?"

"Baby in your belly!  I give him kiss!" he declares, as he leans down to whisper hello and gently kiss my ever growing belly.

And just as quickly, he reaches back for my arms, wrapped up in this mother's love that knows no bounds.

He may be discovering independence, testing his limits, and learning to spread his wings, but he will always be my baby.

And, for now, he still needs the safety of the nest before he soars away on his own. 

  Linking up with Sarah for this week's Bigger Picture Moments.

 ***

The winner of the Child Training Bible Review & Giveaway has been announced here.

Will you join me over at my blog facebook page?  I often share my favorite daily blog reads that encourage and challenge me as well as daily deals and freebies I come across often.  I'd love to interact with my readers more there, so, as an extra incentive, when I reach 75 "likes", I'm giving away a copy of Angie Smith's What Women Fear.  

 

Joy Dare: He Knows ME

Photo credit: wili_hybrid

This morning, I read these words of Truth:

 "O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar."  

(Psalm 139:1-2)

I was struck by this reminder that He not only created me and numbered my days, but that He also knows and cares about the little details of my life from my coming to my going, my sitting to my rising.

And, even more so, He knows my thoughts while they are still out of reach for me.  Matthew Henry puts it so beautifully when he explains, "Though my thoughts be ever so foreign and distant from one another, thou understandest the chain of them, and can make out their connexion, when so many of them slip my notice that I myself cannot". 

A few weeks ago, a friend shared this verse with me, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" (Psalm 56:8)

Today, as I continue to count His gifts, I am most thankful that I serve a Father who understands me more than anyone else on earth ever could.

***

127. News from the radiologist that my sweet friend, Kim, will not have to deliver her baby early. 


128. This truth: that though circumstances and trials be out of our control, it is always Him who goes before you. So, let your heart take courage and wait for the Lord, who is great and awesome and faithful. (Deuteronomy 31:6)


129. A mom who takes time out of her busy schedule to help me clean and ready our house for selling. 


130. A very, very clean house and a for sale sign as we look to the future.


131. My beautiful pregnant sister and the sweet baby girl growing healthy and strong in her womb.


132. A husband who reminds me that beauty is more than my outward appearance and who daily affirms that I am beautiful. 


133. The privilege and joy of raising the next generation and being more than just a mom to these little ones. 


134. This fallen world is not my home; I await the joyful hope of my citizenship in heaven and the transforming of this dying body into its glorious heavenly form. (Philippians 3:20-21)


135. I am not perfect, but I am enough. 


136. Sweet fellowship with friends who speak truth in love and words that are sweeter than honey...and that we were made for community, to encourage and build each other up.


137. Conversations between my little ones and watching a lifetime of friendship unfold. 


138. A gluten free cookie recipe that my husband, who enjoys a good gluten-filled dessert, calls "pretty good, babe". 


139. The blessing of MOPS and the group of women who have welcomed me with open arms and caring hearts. 


140. Doctors and nurses who care for our daughter's wound, stitches that heal, and a brave little girl who says after all she's endured, "I feel better now, mommy!".  


141. Shifting the focus from "two-piece swimsuits and skinny jeans to healthy heart, healthy body mass and healthy thoughts". 


142. This truth reminder for my tender, aching heart: "I’m loved, I really can do this. I’m chosen for a purpose."


143. Teaching my little ones to take care of our home and hearing them say, "I help you, mommy!" with joy and anticipation.


144. Laughter and sweet fellowship on a much needed mom's night out. 


145. His love that never fails, never gives up, and never runs out on me.


146. Cleaning and getting rid of more stuff - so freeing!


147. Knowing that my labor in the Lord is not in vain and that it is more than worth it to persevere and remain steadfast in my walk.  (1 Corinthians 15:58)


148. Celebrating nurses week by remembering the amazing NICU nurses who cared for our little ones so tenderly and compassionately. 


149. This beautiful love story and the reminder that love is a daily choice we make to put the needs of our loved one before our own. 


150. The tot spot at our local grocery store and kids who are excited to play while mommy grocery shops alone.


151. The Word of God that always proves true against all the lies the world throws my way.  (Psalm 18:30-32)


152. A much needed social media break and the time spent soaking up His truths and gaining a clearer perspective. 


153. "That motherhood is both the hardest and most magnificent thing you will ever do." 


154. Sharing the love of babywearing with other expectant mommas and learning more to better equip me for babywearing our littlest one. 


155. These mother's day words of love from my sisters: "Happy mothers day to the best mommy of THREE!" and "Happy mothers day :) you have some pretty lucky kids!".


156. A day "off" from mothering to enjoy a Brewers/Cubs game with my sisters, brothers, and cousins. 


157. Coming home to hand picked wildflowers and handmade cards from my little blessings and love from the three people who make my life more complete. 


158. A hubby who blessed me with the day off and is my biggest cheerleader on the hard mothering days. So thankful to have him by my side to journey this road of parenting together. It's a crazy, challenging life, but it is SO worth it.


159. Missing my sweet grandma on Mother's Day, but remembering the beautiful legacy she left and the family who carries pieces of her into the future.  


160. I am not perfect, but I press on to the perfection He promises in heaven because He has made me His own. (Philippians 3:12)


161. Being held safe and secure in the arms of the One who only allows what will build me up and mold me into the woman He desires me to be, not for my glory, but for His.  


162. Friends who remind me of His truth spoken in love and who join me in faithful prayer.


163. I will not shrink back and be destroyed when trials and struggles overwhelm, because I have a greater hope and nothing can separate me from His love.  


164. Finally feeling well enough to begin exercising again and discovering a new exercise routine that works for this pregnant momma.  


165. Connecting with a group of men and women who understand my gluten intolerance and the wealth of knowledge and resources gleaned from the local support group meeting.  


166. Discovering a $10 bill while cleaning out our bedroom closet.


167. Feeling more frequent and definite kicks from this littlest one in my womb - the coolest feeling ever.  


168. Though trials and tribulation may about in this world, I can take heart because HE has overcome the world (John 16:33)


169. Overhearing my daughter tenderly care for her brother, "Aw, yeddo, you got hurt. Wanna sleep on the couch...and I tuck you in?" Sometimes, as much as mommy wants to run and comfort even the little bumps and bruises, it's so precious to watch these two comfort each other.


170. "There's something so powerful about the friendships you can touch and see and feel." (Holley Gerth) So, so thankful for the friends God has placed in my life to dance with me in the moments of joy and cry with me in the moments of pain. ""When we're with people in the skin...it can really add richness to our lives." (Bonnie Gray)


171. When God reaches me with His word right where I am. I needed this today. Contentment does not come from wealth, success, health, or possessions, but from the feet of Christ, in wholly depending on Him, for when I am weak, He is strong and His grace is always sufficient. (Philippians 4:11-13)


172. Saying goodbye to sweet friends, but knowing that God has great plans in store for them and that they are obediently following Him exactly where He would have them be.


173. Cheering on our favorite mountain biker despite a rainy, muddy race day.


174. This quote from Matthew Henry's commentary about the importance of prayer and calling to God in our distress: "a good man is made up of prayer and gives himself to prayer".


175. That God, ultimately, overrules human sin and the effects of it. Not that He is the author of sin, but that He is in control of the events and directs the chain effects of human sin, not to make sin less punishable, but to further elevate His name to the praise and glory of the One who is over all.


176. Sunshine, bike rides, playgrounds, and picnics enjoyed with two sweet little ones and the steady pitter patter of the littlest one in my womb.


177. A 20 week ultrasound that revealed a healthy and ever growing baby BOY.


178. Waking up to a little monkey in my belly pitter-pattering away and another little monkey crawling all over our bed giggling. I couldn't help but smile - I'll take early mornings just to wake up to this happiness.


179. Date night with my love by his suggestion and parents who are more than happy to spend time with their grandkids.


180. A day at the beach chasing the waves and building sand castles with my loves.


181. Freedom, both in this land of the free and home of the brave (and for the men and women who sacrifice daily to keep it so) and in the redemption of my soul and the hope of eternal life in heaven.


182. Hearing our little ones memorize His words and encouraging their hearts to follow after Him.


183.  Long afternoon naps.


184. Grocery shopping in the early morning before my hubby leaves for work - so quiet and peaceful.


185. Beautiful maternity photos taken by a sweet friend.


186. The many rich and beautiful marriages that have encouraged and blessed my husband and I in our own marriages.


187. Singing hymns with my kids and hearing them say, "again, mommy! sing God song again!". 


188. The privilege to vote and have my voice heard. 


189. Celebrating 20 years since my baby brother joined our family and made it complete.


190. Overheard from my daughter, "And I love mommy too. Cuz I do!" And then my heart melted.


191. Baby shower festivities, the blessing of family, and the anticipation of our precious niece.

 

 

Bigger Picture Moments: When Life Happens

Those who know me well know I thrive on routine and schedules.  I love to plan and organize and feel prepared for what's to come.  But, the moment labor was induced with my daughter I realized life doesn't always happen as planned.

Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns, surprise delays and departures, and roads less traveled.  The more I plan, the more God reminds me that His plans are not mine.

And while His plans seem spontaneous and random, they are really more intricate and purposeful than I can comprehend.  What might look like an unexpected detour is simply a small piece of the bigger picture, His bigger picture.  

There is no such thing as a plan B, because He is never surprised by what tomorrow brings.  My plans may go awry, but His plans are never shaken.  

I plan to wake early to meditate on His truths before my little ones rub their sleepy eyes and pitter patter their way to my arms, but my own sleepy eyes won't budge or a little one crawls into our bed before the sun even rises. 

I planned to have a natural, drug-free labor and delivery, but my daughter insists on arriving sunny side up and my son insists on exhausting me with a long, exhausting labor.

I may plan to wash and fold and put away that pile of laundry, but the simply spoken word of "mommy" draw me away from my best intentions at housework.

I make plans to prepare a healthy meal from scratch before my husband's heavy feet plod through the door, but nap time lingers longer and the little one growing in my womb forces me to slow down.

Sometimes the best laid plans are the ones I don't plan at all, but the ones where I simply let life happen...or, rather, when I embrace the plans He has for me and allow Him to write my story. 

Linking up with Jade for this week's Bigger Picture Moments.

A winner has been chosen for the My Blog Spark: Cheerios Review & Giveaway - see the original post for the announcement.  

Don't forget to enter my Virtual Mercy Party: Mercy House Review & Giveaway - ends tomorrow at 1:00 pm CST!

 

5 for 5: Pictures

It is said that pictures speak a thousand words.  To me, they also speak a thousand memories.  One photo can unlock a whirlwind of memories, for the better or for the worse.

Last fall, after transferring all our photos to an external hard drive, our external hard drive crashed.  We tried everything to retrieve years worth of precious photos.  And yet, it still sits in our desk drawer, a prison with no key, holding captive a myriad of memories.

I called my husband in tears when it first gave me an error message.  He tried to assure me it wasn't a big deal, but to me, it was a huge deal.  Photos are my treasures, the one earthly possession I hold onto with a firm grasp, the reason I have an entire shelf of our bookshelf devoted to scrapbooks and several totes full of scrapbooking supplies.  

In our first year of marriage, my husband has teased me often.  "Why are you taking a picture of another person?  You already know what he/she looks like."  

I read this quote yesterday, "When you photograph people in color, you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in black and white you photograph their souls” (Ted Grant).

Pictures are a mirror to a person's soul.  I capture moment after moment of the same people, because they are the souls most precious to me.   And I want to remember these moments with them, because each picture tells a different story, unraveling a lifetime of memories.

A few photo treasures of mine...

Walt Disney World, January 1998: This photo tells so many stories.  The one in the wheelchair is me with my youngest brother on my lap.  My heart surgery was a few months away yet and my energy level was so low I couldn't walk through the park.  The guy waving at the camera is my friend's dad, who works at the park and was nicknamed "Mr. Disney" by my youngest brother and sister.  This is one of our most memorable family road trips, because on the drive there, in our 11 passenger van, half of us got the flu, making for a long and stinky drive...but one we will never forget. 

 Upper Peninsula Michigan, Hanes family vacation, 2010:  This photo doesn't exactly tell a story, but it still speaks a thousand words.  My son is 10 months here and almost ready to walk.  During the day he was a happy, easygoing little guy, but the moment the sun set he became a teething nightmare.  I was completely exhausted from lack of sleep and my undiagnosed struggles with depression and anxiety the entire week and even had a meltdown in front of my husband's entire family...a shame I still struggle with.

 Klein Winter Family Day, 2008:  My grandparents loved the outdoors, especially my grandma who grew up in the big woods of northern Wisconsin.   Our family started a winter tradition years ago of gathering at my aunt and uncle's home in early February to celebrate grandpa's birth and enjoy skiing and sledding on their land.  This photo is bittersweet as I miss these two deeply, but it also reminds me of two people who loved and lived life well. 

 4th of July, 2006: Every year, my dad's family gathers in the small town he grew up in for a 4th of July parade, complete with farm machinery, square dancing, and llamas.  As kids we loved collecting bags full of candy from the people throwing it out during the parade and as adults we now enjoy making "bets" on how many tractors or horses we'll see in the parade.  This photo was taken one month before I married my best friend and the smile on my face reminds me of the excitement and anticipation of that big day.

NICU, July 2008: Our journey into parenthood began with one of the scariest experiences of my life.  Our sweet pea started having seizures less than 12 hours after her birth.  This is one of the first photos of her after she was airlifted by helicopter to the nearest NICU and reminds me of those trying days of praying and waiting for her to be well again. 

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Slowing Down to Enjoy Life

Isn't it funny how sometimes the hardest moments in our lives are also the most teachable ones?

These past few weeks have been hard and it's forced me to slow down and take things one moment at a time.

I'm not very good at slowing down.  I get restless and bored and depressed.

I feel useless, because shouldn't I be cleaning or creating or something other than sitting around, simply watching my toddlers run around in circles, giggling and smiling and chattering away?

But perhaps that is exactly what this season of my life is trying to teach me: to slow down and enjoy the simple moments.  Isn't that what Bigger Picture Moments is about too?

Yesterday morning, still feeling nauseous and dizzy and exhausted, I sat on the couch with a blanket and pillow and just watched my little ones play.

After a while I turned on a little TV, but only to find two little ones climbing up to cuddle and chatter away with me.

My son climbed right into my lap and hugged me close.  Every so often, he would lift his head off my chest to look me in the eyes and smile.

And in those moments I regained a little bit of my purpose, my mission, my calling.

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

(Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

How else can I teach my little ones diligently to follow His words if I don't take the time to slow down, enjoy the moments, and talk of them when I sit in my house?


We've been talking a lot about His ways lately, because my daughter is so curious and so hungry for truth.  Nothing brings me greater joy than to share simple truths with her and then hear her say, "mommy, I wanna pray you feel better", because she knows there is a God who listens and loves to hear us talk to Him.  


Or to hear my son say, "mommy, read God-book?" as he carries over the children's bible, begging to hear the words of His book, because he knows there is a God who wrote these words for our hearts. 


And sometimes the simplest way to teach them about His love is to show them His love, to take back these simple moments just to cuddle and hug and hold their gaze as I remind them of my love without even saying a word.  

 

Wednesday Morning Coffee

Photo credit: alfstorm

In case you didn't already know, I love my morning coffee.  Currently, my favorite is Target's Archer Farms Hazelnut coffee with a little bit of vanilla flavored almond milk.  But, on the go, I do enjoy a delicious soy chai tea latte from Starbucks.  This morning, as I sip my morning coffee, I thought it would be fun to invite YOU for a virtual coffee date.

So, sit back, relax, and sip your favorite cup of coffee (or tea, if you prefer - I love chai tea!)...and join me as I share some random thoughts from my week and a few things that have been on my heart.  I'd love to hear from you - what's on your heart today, what are you struggling with, what are you joyful about, what are you needing prayer for.  

***

I talked yesterday about how I've been longing for simplicity.  This morning I opened up my FlyLady email to discover February's challenge: 15 minutes of decluttering every day.  Then, as I sifted through my facebook newsfeed I saw this status on Money Saving Mom's page:

Happy February!  This month we're going to be focusing on reducing clutter and getting our homes in bettr order.  I'm going to be going through my home from top to bottom and blogging some fun clear-out-the-clutter challenges. 

I love how everything is focusing me on the same thing this month: a desire to live simply and no longer let the clutter of "stuff" control my life.  Could it be God getting my attention again?  Because he has a way of repeating things like that to get ahold of me. 

Yesterday was a rough day for me.  I'm not sure why, but I was feeling down and gloomy all day.  I sat around in my pajamas all day, sipping tea and munching on gluten free bread, my favorite comfort food.

My little ones were so sweet all day.  My daughter came up to give me a hug and said, "Mommy, I give you feel-good hug?" and my son kept asking me, "Mommy, you not feel good?"  At one point, he even climbed into my lap and cuddled with me for a while. 

I did part of my daily cleaning, but didn't have the energy to clean the kitchen floor.  And, really, that's okay.  I love having a cleaning schedule, because it gives me something to do each day so everything doesn't pile up...but, if I don't get one thing done it's easy to do it the next day or just not worry about it.  I'm learning to give myself grace in this area.

My husband asked me last night if I was physically tired...or if something was bothering me, because that often makes me feel tired.  I love how well he knows me and at the extra effort he's made to understand and care for me.  I don't think anything is really worrying or making me anxious right now (of course, sometimes it takes me a while to realize it)...maybe it's just the weather or my hormones or maybe I'm coming down with something again.

I went to the chiropractor on Monday morning.  He's been doing some therapy on my Achilles tendon to help me heal from my tendinitis flare up.  He was convinced my foot is getting stronger, especially after I told him I had done a 1 1/2 minute run that morning.  I'm anxious to get back into a running routine and start training for my goals this year.

My kids were quite entertained by the skeleton hanging in the room at the chiropractic clinic.  They kept laughing and saying "that's funny, mommy!"  We went to the library after and found several books about bones and the skeleton.  I figured if they're showing some interest I might as well take it as a learning opportunity.

Speaking of learning opportunities, I need to start doing some more tot school activities with the kids.  Valerie is so interested in learning these days and I want to encourage her curiosity and interest with fun projects and experiments.  I found a book on preschool science activities at the library too.  I'm going to search through it today and find some things to do for the next week.

I need to spend more time in His word.  Why is it always so hard to be disciplined about making time for bible study?  I always come up with some excuse - I'm too tired, I have too much to do, I can't concentrate right now... And before I know it several days have gone by without time spent with Him.

It melts my heart hearing my kids sing the words to "Jesus Loves Me" and hearing them ask to pray with them.  "I talk to God!" my daughter loves to say.  I want to be a better example to them, but I also know my soul needs Him too.

I read this verse on facebook yesterday and it was just what I needed to be reminded of:

Oh satisfy us early with your mercy 

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days!" 

(Psalm 90:14) 

Joy Dare: Week 4

Photo credit: treehouse1977

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

(Psalm 16:11)

 The quiet of last week was disrupted when my husband found out Tuesday afternoon he had to leave the next morning on a business trip for three days.  He had never gone on a business trip so far from home before and I immediately felt the panic start to rise.

It was fear that made me remember where I once was and how my husband helped me walk through that dark valley to find peace and contentment in Him.  And how would I manage for three whole days without him?

I know it might seem silly, but I didn't realize how much I depended on him until he had to leave.  I am so thankful my parents opened their home to us while he was gone...but, more importantly, for the fullness of joy He promises in His word, no matter what circumstances surround me.  He is the one who shows me the path to a life of freedom and hope and joy.

In Him alone is the fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. 

67. His faithful love that endures forever
68. hope and acceptance despite my imperfectionns
69. this Truth: He not only does good, He IS good
70. a quiet morning with my little ones
71. parents who are always happy to open their home up to us
72. sweet goodbye kisses from my husband
73. a birthday gift card for Starbucks
74. time spent with my mom and dad
75. cell phones that allow my hubby and I to sing "Away in A Manger" to the kids before bed
76. two little ones who slept peacefully all night and waking to my smiling son saying "I wake, mommy!"
77. remembering as we clean the home that love built and continuing the legacy of love my grandparents left
78. freely sharing my heart with a sweet friend who ministered to me with her open home and heart
79. the joy of a reunion after three days of missing my husband
80. sitting beside my husband at the school auction and seeing his smile as he pulls me closer with his arm around my shoulders
81. my daughter's excitement and cooperation at her first dentist appointment today
82. a morning walk with a little bit of running and remembering why I am doing this
83. lovely goodies in today's mail - my birthday Kindle, two good books, and a new magazine subscription
84. de-cluttering the basement and getting rid of more "stuff"
85. friends reminding me I'm not alone
86. the words of our church worship ministering to my heart
87. reading Organized Simplicity and talking with my husband about how all the "stuff" in our life gets in the way of what really matters

Joy Dare, Week 3

Photo credit: Shanissinha

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, 

for His steadfast love endures forever.

~Psalm 136:1

As I opened up to my memory verse for the week, I smiled as I came across this beautiful repetitive phrase: His steadfast love endures forever.  It is repeated 26 times in this Psalm alone.

Other versions of this verse use the phrase "faithful love" and "lovingkindness", which both refer to the grace or favor of God that is constant and abiding.  I love those words - constant and abiding.  Not only is His love for me constant, it is abiding, living and active and present in me.

We praise Him and thank Him not only because He does good things for us, but because He is good.  In all things and at all times, He is good.  This is what the joy dare is about - giving thanks in all things, even when it's hard.

In every recording of His gifts, from one to 1000, we should take notice of His love that is constant and abiding and glory in Him alone.

***

Continuing to count His gifts...

46. a stroller pushing walk on a sunny winter morning

47. cuddling with my little man and knowing this is where I belong

48. ordering two copies of Grace for the Good Girl (for the price of one!) to read with my sister this summer

49. shopping at Target all by myself

50. a happy birthday to my dad, one of my biggest cheerleaders who taught me by example what to look for in a husband and gives me a glimpse of the love my heavenly father has for me

51. watching the snow fall while nestled safely in my warm home

52. an inhaler and nebulizer to help me overcome a cold that aggravates my asthma

53. running inspiration found in the pages of Runner's World Complete Book of Running for Women

54. my sister's pregnancy announcement and the blessing that came through raindrops

55. the simple joys of life through the eyes of my children

56. listening to my daughter's imagination as she "talks" to her Pappi on her "phone"

57. a clean bathroom and junk free desk drawers

58. a MOPS Friday and a friend who watched my little ones all morning

59. missing my grandparents but remembering all the precious moments through the years

60. the sweetest handwritten birthday wish from Ted's grandpa

61. celebrating my birthday by shopping by myself, enjoying a quiet afternoon, and eating a delicious dinner cooked by my hubby as my little ones sang "happy to you, mommy!"

62. a 2 mile walk with one 30 second run - one step closer to healing and beginning my half marathon training

63. watching The Help after the little ones were asleep while curled up in my hubby's arms

64. eighty-three birthday wishes and love on facebook

65. a pastor who preaches the truth in such a way that pierces through my stubborn heart

66. a surprise visit with my cousin and her little ones