Book Review: Messy Beautiful Love

I've been following Time Warp Wife on facebook for a while.  I don't often have the time to read blog posts, but I enjoy seeing the little tidbits from blog posts Darlene Schacht shares on her facebook page.  Her facebook posts are always such an encouragement to me in the middle of the chaos of everyday living, because, let's be honest, being a mom is hard...but sometimes being a wife is harder.

My husband and I were married the summer I graduated from college.  I had never really lived on my own and was still pretty naive about the real world.  I was also a hopeless romantic.  I had this ideal in my mind that marriage would be all warm and fuzzy all the time.  I imagined my husband coming home from work with a smile on his face, scooping me up in his arms, and spending the evening curled up next to him staring into each others' eyes.

Yeah, I know.  It sounds ridiculous now, but I spent years soaking up every feel good romantic novel I could get my hands on and dreaming of the day my knight in shining armor would sweep me off my feet.  Little did I know that my "knight" would be an avid cyclist instead...who was just as much an imperfect, fallible human as me.

We argued often during that first year of marriage about our unrealistic expectations of each other.  I had no idea how much time he actually invested into training and racing mountain bikes, because the only times I saw him while we were dating was when he wasn't training or racing.  He had an image in his mind of coming home from work, kissing me hello, hurrying off for a training ride, and coming back to a home cooked meal and a smiling wife.  He didn't expect to come home to a crying or angry wife who didn't understand why he spent so much time biking instead of with her.

While we did fight more often during that first year of marriage than we ever did while we were dating, we still had so much fun getting to know each other and enjoying life together.  We had to learn to meet each others' needs before our own and find what worked for us.  Every bike race became a new adventure for us and once a week he would take me for a ride on our tandem bike so we could still be together while he was training.  During the cold winter months, he rode on the stationary trainer in the living room so we could watch movies or episodes of "Quantum Leap" together.

We became parents less than two years into our marriage and balancing our marriage with parenthood became our next challenge.  I'll not soon forget the night we fought loud and hard as we both struggled to understand our new roles.  I needed him to be the leader in our home, but I was also afraid to give up control and submit to him as God had intended...and he was afraid to lead, knowing it would be hard and unsure that he was really qualified.

As I opened to the first chapter of Messy Beautiful Love, I was immediately drawn into Darlene's own story of struggling to understand and embrace her God given role.  Often, when you follow someone's life and words through snippets and pretty photos shared on facebook, it's easy to forget there is a real person with real struggles behind the screen.  Darlene made a choice that nearly cost her marriage and it takes tremendous courage to both write and share her story.  The beauty in sharing her story, though, is that she can encourage women from her own place of brokenness that no matter how much of a mess we make of our own marriages and no matter how far we run from love, there is still grace.

Unlike the fairy tale endings so many romance novels and movies portray, marriage is hard and messy...but when we choose to fight for it instead of fighting against each other, marriage can be the most beautiful picture of the way Christ loves the church.  My husband and I are not perfect and we've had our share of challenges in our marriage, but the beauty in the mess is when we refuse to let the bad moments define us and choose to love each other even when it's hard. 

Messy Beautiful Love is more than just a glimpse into Darlene's own marriage; it's full of encouragement and reminders of God's grace and the gift of a marriage rooted and grounded in Him.  This is one book that I would love to give to every newly married couple, because this is what real love is - messy but so very beautiful. 

*Disclosure: I received a free copy of Messy Beautiful Love as part of the book launch blogging team in exchange for my honest review.  

 

A Thousand Times His Mercy Remains

 
I woke up early this morning to the cries of my almost 6 year old, worried about her brother's beach ball going missing (?) and then a squirmy toddler crawling into bed and taking over...but instead of grumbling I remembered that I have a choice to make no matter what my circumstances are.

"It is easy to be cynical; it is brave to be joyful." - Joy Clarkson

So, I crawled out of bed, tip-toed downstairs, and opened up my prayer/devotion journal to begin my day the best way. And for the first time in weeks, I soaked up His words in a way that made me wonder why I ever allow myself to run on empty. 

It's easy for me to get caught up in all the ways I fail and resist His gentle whispers calling me to rest and find refuge in Him instead of trying to control my days.  But my circumstances and emotions don't define me and they never have to own me unless I allow them to. 

Sometimes the ability to choose and His gift of free will is overwhelming to me...because I know I will fail.  Even though I know the right thing to do, I don't always want to choose it.  Because sometimes doing what is right is hard...and doing what is wrong is easy. 

We are called to resist temptations and stand firm in our faith, but there are days it's just exhausting to keep fighting the battle in my own mind.  So, I give in and I make a mess of everything, yelling at my husband or my kids over something foolish that doesn't even really matter and picking battles over every little thing.  The anger and bitterness boils over and I find myself on a fast track to failure...again. 

The rest of the day, I walk around in silence, the anger and bitterness still lurking, but my own pride keeping me from humbly apologizing and admitting my own faults.  I beat myself up in my mind, but I can't bring myself to say the words out loud.  I know where I've failed, but I am afraid to own up to it and begin the hard work of repenting and renewing my mind once more. 

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace"

- Hillsong's "From the Inside Out"

I know this truth.  I know His grace abounds and there is no end to His mercy...but I am my own worst enemy and I'm most afraid to bow my knee before a holy God and admit my own failures.

"Humbling ourselves to God under His hand is the next way to deliverance and exaltation; patience under His chastisements, and submission to His pleasure, repentance, prayer, and hope in His mercy, will engage His help and release in due time." 

- Matthew Henry commentary

I take a deep breath and make a choice, admitting through broken tears and words that stumble and fall in a mess from a place of deep regret.  My husband listens, taking my hands in his and reminding me of grace, forgiving me once more.

And then, this morning, I open His words and listen to His gentle whispers both convicting and encouraging me.  He knows my heart far better than I do and He knows how often I fail...but still His mercy remains. 

"It is the cross that bridges the gap between 

our hurts and disappointments, brokenness and God's perfect love." 

- Sally Clarkson

Today, as the sun rises and my children awake from their slumber, filling our home again with noise and chaos, I ask Him to draw nearer, allowing me to walk in the shadow of His wings instead of in my own weakness.  I will choose humble praise and heartfelt gratitude and allow Him to renew my mind and heart once more. 

 

{Back to School, Back to Writing} He Held the Keys

photo source: martinak15

The day has been long and I am weary.  I count down the minutes until he arrives home, hoping and praying it is sooner rather than later.

I need my other half to carry me through to bed time, because I can't do this alone anymore.

The whining and fighting continues while I sigh and wonder who switched my sweet, innocent babies for these sin-cursed children. 

I glance at the clock again as I fight the urge to run and hide away from it all...until a glimpse of his car catches the light of the tears burning in my eyes and I breathe again at the sight of him.

He walks in with a smile and more energy than I remember knowing in days.  I fall into his arms and the tears spill relentlessly.

He hushes my tears and holds me close, whispering truth and hope and love.  And when the storm calms, I glance into his eyes and remember the days when it was just the two of us.

We vowed for better or for worse, but all we could see then was the bliss of a life together that was new and exciting.

He looks deep into my eyes and listens as I pour out the words that follow the tears.

Then, instead of simply playing the knight in shining armor who sweeps me off my feet, he lifts my eyes up and reminds me I am never alone.

He holds the key to my heart, but there's One greater who holds the key to my soul.  

Together, with his hands in mine, we move forward, tears wiped away and a new found peace swallowing up the heaviness that had been our home all day long.

I'm joining the Creative Soul community this month for Back to School, Back to Writing.

 

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #3

I Am...

Loved

 photo credit

Thus says, the Lord: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the LORD appeared to him from far away. 

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."

(Jeremiah 31:2-3) 

When my husband and I began dating, I had only recently been heartbroken by a long relationship.  I had often watched my friends in middle school and high school pairing off and wondered when it would be my turn.  I had even wondered if I would ever be loved...or if I was simply unlovable or unworthy of love.  But my senior year of high school I met a boy who held my heart for the next three and a half years. 

Every time he whispered "I love you", I imagined our happily ever after and was convinced that he was the one.  We had even begun talking about getting married...until the day he broke my heart.  I spent that summer before my senior year of college completely and totally devastated, feeling lost and alone and vulnerable...wondering what love was if it only left me empty and broken.

I learned that summer to cling to Christ, remembering that His love was the only love that never failed and falling in love with Him through His words and the prayers and encouragement of some dear friends.  I began to let go of my carefully laid out plans to lean on Him and trust in His good and perfect plans for my life. 

And then I met the man who would become my husband.  I began to fall in love again, but I also wanted desperately to guard my heart, afraid I would be let down once again.  I wondered what a love that lasts til death do us part was really like...and if I was really worth that kind of love.  I would pull him in...only to push him away as the fear of a still wounded heart threatened to take over. 

We had been dating a year when he told me he didn't love me.  I was furious...mostly because it was my biggest fear: that I would never be loved.  Once I let my emotions cool down and prayed for God's wisdom and guidance, I listened as he explained that love was a choice to put the other person first and to be willing to love like Christ loved the church.  He knew that love was not some fairy tale happily ever after, but a deep and abiding commitment.  And he wanted to be sure he was ready to make that choice before he spoke those three words to me.

But, the thing is...even the deep and abiding commitment of marriage is not perfect and it will never fully satisfy our deepest longing to be loved.  We both have our faults and drive each other crazy.  We fight and argue and let each other down.  No matter how hard we each try, we cannot offer each other the kind of love our souls crave.  That kind of love - a love that is unfailing and steadfast - can only come from God, because He is the only one who will never disappoint and never let go. 

Jeremiah 31:2-3 was written for the people of Israel who had endured the "sword" of Pharaoh as he cut off all male children at birth and threatened to cut them off at the Red Sea.  They had wandered in the wilderness and in a strange land.  Yet, through all these hardships and no matter how many times Israel turned its back on God, He did not give up or forget them.  Matthew Henry says that God showed them "His peculiar favor" in a love that is steadfast and enduring. 

The same promise is ours through Christ.  No matter how many storms we endure or how often we too wander in the wilderness, His love remains.  His love is not only an ancient love, spoken to the Jews as His chosen people, but an everlasting love that is constant and never changes.  Charles Spurgeon explains this love so beautifully, when he writes about the confidence had by great men and women of faith:

"They did not speak of Christ's love as though it were a myth to be respected, a tradition to be revered; they viewed it as a blessed reality, and they cast their whole confidence in it, being persuaded that it would bear them up as upon eagle's wings and carry them all their days; resting assured that it would be to them a foundation of rock, against which the waves might beat, and the winds blow, but their soul's habitation would stand securely if founded upon it."

Romans 8:38-39 further explains that there really is nothing, not even death, that can separate us from His love.  Why?  Because Christ is the ground of the steadfastness of His love and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He is both unchanging and unfailing.  

Another commentary shared the story of Mr. Hugh Kennedy, a respected and revered Christian man who, on his death bed, called for a bible to be opened to these words from Romans 8:38 - "I am persuaded that neither death nor life".  He held his finger pointed at these words and told his children, just before breathing his last, 

"Now, God be with you, my children; I have breakfasted with you and shall sup with my Lord Jesus Christ this night."  

Behold, what manner of love is this, to claim His love for us with such confidence!  That is what it means to be really, truly, and completely loved. 

Join me on Mondays on a journey to discover and take hold of the truth of who we are in Him.

 

Five Minute Friday: Rest

 photo source

On the way home from my parents' house last night, I stopped to nurse our five month old son and fill up the van with gas.  As I waited in the warmth of the van, I overheard this conversation in the back seat.

"I really want to go home, NOW!" said my three year old son.

"It's okay.  Mommy just needs to get gas and then we'll go home.  Don't worry, Yeddo*," said my four year old going on fourteen daughter.

I smiled as I listened to her gentle words and remembered just how often I need the same reminder.

Just an hour later, I'm curled up in my husband's arms, almost in tears thinking about going somewhere unfamiliar.

I like my comfort zones and I don't like the unknown.  He is a risk taker and lives for adventure.

Sitting in the safety and comfort of his arms, he reminds me again, "Don't worry, honey".

It's so much easier said than done, but it's a simple truth that can give peace and joy no matter what storm life blows my way.

And so, instead of allowing worry to wash over me with the panic and anxiety that has too long become my friend, I lift my head and look up to the One who knows all my thoughts and the deepest places of my heart.

I come to Him when I am weary and heavy burdened, because I know He will give me rest.

*Yeddo is the nickname our daughter gave her brother the moment she could talk.  No matter how often we try to correct her, she insists, "No, his name is Yeddo!".  And don't ask where she came up with that, because we are still clueless.

Linking up with Lisa Jo and a community of women taking the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. 

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Singing Valentine

My husband is often a man of few words. To him, love is lived out loud in thoughtful gestures, selfless service, and simple moments.

We've never made a big deal out of Valentine's Day, because gifts are not his love language.  I enjoy a well thought out gift, but the most meaningful valentine to me is time spent with my love. 

Because acts of service is one of his love languages, I knew that it would mean more than any store bought gift to prepare a homemade breakfast and plan a homemade family dinner.  So, when my 4 month old woke me with his squirming and grunting, I nursed him back to sleep and made my way to the kitchen before his alarm went off.

I made heart shaped pancakes, scrambled eggs, and toast and we all sat down to breakfast before he left for another day of work.  I gave him a simple store bought candy bar to enjoy with his lunch and showed my love with a kiss and the best way to his heart: food.

He thanked me for the food and kissed me back.  He didn't need to say anything at all.  I could tell by the look in his eyes, the way he kissed me, and the warm touch of his arms around me.

I wasn't expecting anything more, because I'm learning to be secure in his acts of love to me and thankful for the simple moments when his heart connects with mine.  So, it took my breath away when I looked out the window at the falling snow to catch a glimpse of four familiar faces dressed in red walking up our driveway.

I was so surprised, in fact, that I didn't have time to get my three year old out of the tub and dressed before answering the door.  As they walked in and prepared to sing my love's valentines, they were greeted by a naked toddler running wild who then attempted to put his hooded sweatshirt on upside down.

I can't make this stuff up.  And perhaps that's the best part of it all.  Because love is sometimes messy and funny and that's what makes it so enjoyable.

Life with my love often means sharing a laugh over the silly moments of parenting, commiserating together on the days that are hard, and making the most of the brief moments in the midst of the chaos to smile, hold hands, and embrace each other.  I'm so thankful I get to share this messy, crazy, chaotic life with him. 

Linking up with Brooke and Bigger Picture Blogs for this week's Bigger Picture Moment.

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Us

Before we were mommy and daddy, we were you and me, best friends, companions, lovers.

Six and a half years ago, we said I do to a lifetime of doing life together, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health.

Those first two years, we fell into a comfortable routine, wrapped in each others' arms after a long day of work and life, bellies full from another home cooked meal and hearts fuller with our love that grew and grew.

Then, a week before our second anniversary, we became three.  This little girl that made us mommy and daddy wrapped her tiny fingers around our hearts and home and our days became filled with diapers, picture books, and endless piles of laundry.

Now, six and a half years later, we are five.  Three pairs of arms have written themselves permanently into our story and, at the end of a long day of parenting, work, and life, we fall into bed with barely a whisper of "good night" and "I love you".

Weeks, months go by with barely a moment for us and so we sit in the quiet of sleeping babes and setting sun and wonder how to find us again. 

Because still, in the middle of the chaos of our days, we are still you and me, best friends, companions, lovers.

And as we wonder, we remember how love is a choice that needs water and nutrients to grow and that the little moments are what matter the most.

So, we take time to just sit, you and me, wrapped up in each others' arms, and whisper I do to slowing down and embracing our love, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.

Because we are now mommy and daddy, but we are always you and me, best friends, companions, lovers.

Linking up with Bigger Picture Blogs for this week's Bigger Picture Moment.

A Year of Bigger Picture Moments: 2012

 

 Photo credit: Kelly Colgan Azar

For the past week, I've spent a lot of time looking back on the past...not to relive the hard moments and dwell on the heart breaks, but to learn from the past in order to embrace and move forward in the future.

Last Sunday, we attended a church near my parent's home where the pastor was preaching on new year's resolutions. I love these truths I wrote down in my sermon notes: "Learn from your failures and celebrate your successes...Successes come from not only the knowledge of your past, and a desire, but also the willingness to be disciplined in your future."

So, I look back on the past in order to move forward in the future...and I take the lessons I've learned to continue growing and changing as I embrace another year of new beginnings.  Here are my top five Bigger Picture Moments from the past year, the ones that have challenged me in the best possible way to love and live this beautiful life I've been given.

1. Is God Really Enough?

"...There is anxiety that is a real, medical illness...but there is also anxiety that is a real, spiritual illness.  Deep in my heart there is a lie I've believed for far too long: God is not really enough for me...."

2.  My Story, HIS Story

"...This space might be about me, because it is written by me and about my life...but it is even more than that.  It is about the work that He continues to do in me..."

3. To Love Like Him

"...He knows my faults and my mess...but He also knows my heart.  He knows how I long for Him and how, no matter how much I fail, I keep running to Him with a repentant heart..."

4. Rooted & Grounded In Love

"...He whispers those three words again as the storm passes and reminds me that his love is a choice he makes day in and day out.  He knows that love is more than a feeling, more than a fleeting thought..."

5. 5 for 5: Age

"...Because as much as pictures speak a thousand words, hands are like a glimpse into the past and this photo of four generations of hands tells more of a story than any our smiling faces would..."

Linking up with Corinne and Bigger Picture Blogs as we look back on the Best of 2012 Bigger Picture Moments. 

 

Twas The Write Before Christmas: Day 4

Home For The Holidays

 Photo by Julia Jean Photography

Home. 


One drama princess girl

Clothed in pink

Dancing to her own beat

Singing her own melody

Laughing out her joy.


Home.


One wild monkey boy

Adventure seeking

Risk taking

Couch climbing

Bike riding

Smile contagious.


Home.


One sweet baby boy

Tiny fingers holding on tight

Soft blue eyes engaging ours

Sleepy eyed, milk drunk smiling

Slowly finding his own voice.


Home.


One mountain bike racing husband

Gently leading

Graciously forgiving

Intentionally encouraging

Choosing love daily.


Home.


If home is where the heart is, 

then my home is divided four ways.

No matter where we are 

or what our Christmas looks like 

from year to year, 

I know where I belong 


and they are my home.   

 
Linking up with Bigger Picture Blogs for this year's Twas The Write Before Christmas.  Check out this year's prompts here and join in the fun!

 

Wordless Wednesday: 31 Years

 

Silhouettes

 
I wrote this post as an assignment for my recent Writing Circles participation. It was read out loud during a Skype conference call and critiqued and edited by three fellow writers.  (Thank you ladies!)  Our prompt was Silhouettes and the genre was Life Out Loud. I really had no idea what to write until I started typing and the words just flowed from my heart. I've hesitated to post this, because it is so vulnerable. Still, I know that God has given me a voice and He continues to prompt me to share my heart on mental illness. My prayer is that these words would be used for His glory, not mine, and that my story would help someone somewhere know they are not alone. 

***

Photo credit: garryknight

Falling to my knees, the pain of tears shakes me with fear.  I try to speak but the words…where are they?  My breaths come in short, shallow rasps.  

“I…can’t…breathe.” 

I can barely choke out the words as darkness encompasses and surrounds me, pulling me deeper and farther into its snare.

He grabs my hands, lifts my face, and forces me to look and listen and find a way out.  

“I can’t…I can’t…I can’t.” 

I gasp between sobs.  

I curl my legs into my body, wrapping myself more completely into the darkness.  My whole being rocks back and forth, holding onto the lies, the fears, the doubts, the hurt. 

 

I can’t even remember when it began, when the darkness first laid a hold of me, but it is here and it consumes everything in its path.  

I can’t breathe.  I can’t focus.  I can’t feel.  I can’t move.  I am numb and empty, broken and beaten.

“You have to…you can’t stay there forever.  I am here…come back to me.” 

He pleads with me, reaching into my darkness and hoping against hope to find me amidst the rubble and ruin.  

I am completely lost.  I’m just skin, a silhouette of who I was; darkness cast its shadow over me.  My body lies broken, a crumpled and sobbing mess.

But his words penetrate the wall and slowly it begins to crumble.  And I collapse into the arms of a love who promised in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.  He’s not about to give up.  

Slowly, painfully, I lift my head to look deep into his eyes.  

“I feel so lost and so alone…” 

I whisper as my breathing slows and the storm calms.  

I heard his words and I heard His words, but the wall was too high, too deep, too strong and I was trapped.  

“Come back to Me, dear one…” 

My soul whispers as my love holds my hands, bows his head, and lifts this darkness to the only One we know who can chase it away for good.  

It takes days, weeks, months to clear away the debris, refill the emptiness, and restore the brokenness.  But as one man’s love directs me forward, even more so the One love lifts me out of the chaos and places me back on solid ground.  

One step forward sometimes led to another step back, but His light penetrates the darkness, exposing what was once hidden there.  It no longer overwhelms, because I am no longer its prisoner. 

The darkness still lingers nearby, tempting and teasing me with its snare.  I fall momentarily for its lies, but His truth sets me free and leads me forward, a silhouette being filled in with details He delights to create.

***

Come back here tomorrow for a Bigger Picture Moment about how God continues to give me victory over this stronghold.  

***

Be sure to check out my Lilla Rose Giveaway for a chance to win a $16 gift certificate; giveaway ends at midnight tonight!

 

Bigger Picture Moments: Rooted & Grounded In Love

 Photo taken during a family maternity photo shoot by our photographer and friend, Katherine Bernau

As the tears ceased, the ones that came out of nowhere, the ones I couldn't quite figure out the source of, he quietly sat there holding me, not saying a word, just waiting for the storm to pass.

I slowly look into his eyes and weakly apologize for my mess.  And thank him for loving me through it all, for all that he puts up with.

Then, even more slowly, the fear that's been hidden deep within those tears spills out.

"Sometimes I'm afraid you'll give up...that you'll look at my mess and think it's not worth it anymore."

Without skipping a beat, he looks deep into my eyes, his filled with a love I still can't comprehend. 

"I'm never giving up on you.  I'm here for the long haul."

***

Hand in hand, he leads me through dirt paths, beaten down by bike tires and hiking boots. We talk about nothing and everything, still wondering what the future holds for us.

As the sun begins to make its descent, we quietly sit down in the lush, green grass overlooking the lake and the city where our story began.

We watch the bright blue sky of day fade into a canvas of beautiful colors, neither of us saying a word, simply taking in the beauty of the moment.

Slowly breaking the silence, he whispers the three words I've been waiting over a year to hear him say.

"I love you."

If I hadn't already been sitting, I might have fallen because my feet would have been swept right off the ground.

And then, before I can even find the words to whisper back what my heart has already known for months, he whispers four more words I never expected to hear so soon.

"Will you marry me?" 

As I choke out my yes, he places a ring on my finger and we stare deep into each others' eyes, lost in the moment and unaware of anything else but us.

***

Months earlier, on a walk through my parents' neighborhood, he had told me he didn't love me.

And I was furious.

It had been a year since our first date and I was more sure of one thing than ever before.  I loved him and I knew he was the one.  How could he be so unsure?

"I can't love you until I'm willing to put you before me."

Months later, when he finally whispered those three words...and moments later asked me to walk hand in hand with him for a lifetime...I remembered his words that day.  He knew love was a choice and he was choosing then and there to stand by me no matter what it took.

***

"I love you."

He whispers those three words again as the storm passes and reminds me that his love is a choice he makes day in and day out.  He knows that love is more than a feeling, more than a fleeting thought.

"Does God give up on you?"

Shaking my head, I realize the truth he is reminding me of.  Just as I am firmly rooted and grounded in His love, our story is rooted and grounded in a love that is meant to last a lifetime, in good times and bad, in sickness and health.

He's not giving up on me, because he understands that love is a choice and love never fails. 


  Linking up with Sarah for this week's Bigger Picture Moments.


 

Bigger Picture Moments: Love Is A Fast Song

Bigger Picture Blogs is celebrating their second birthday and, as part of the birthday celebration, has paired up several bloggers for a fun Bigger Picture Moments collaboration.   I can't say enough about the inspiration and encouragement Bigger Picture Blogs and the community that rallied around it has meant to me.  It has challenged my writing, refocused my perspective, and given me purpose and confidence in my writing.  It has played a huge part in shaping who I am and what this little space is today.  And the women that are part of this community are all sorts of wonderful - real, genuine, and inspiring women who are not afraid to write about the ups and downs of life and encourage each other on the journey. 

Kelli of Adventurez in Child Rearing and I were paired up and given a writing prompt for today's post: Love Is A Fast Song by Copeland.  I was skeptical at first remembering the dreaded group projects of grade school and college, but was surprised at how fun it was to collaborate my writing with another sweet blogger, making a new friend along the way.  As Kelli and I read through the song lyrics, we couldn't help thinking of the beautiful love stories unfolding in our own lives, the love between the people who matter most to us.  This post is about that love, the real, true, exciting, and overwhelming love that can only be written by the Creator God who holds all things together.

(Note: My words are typed in bold font and Kelli's words are typed in regular font.)

For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.  And He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent.

(Colossians 1:16-18)

 Photo credit: Kelli Becton

Listening to my son's tears, his pleas for daddy, and the hiccups that come between tears. My love, this man who so beautifully embraces his role as daddy, walks over, for one "last one", a gentle hug, a whisper of love, and a little boy who loves his daddy so.

Although the years pass quickly by not slowing near enough – we walk together you and I throughout the ebb and flow. Two hearts as one - old fashioned love that dares not put self first – a picture of the Father’s love and He who gave it all.

And one by one the blessings come . . .

Some days love is a slow song, carefully rocking little ones to sleep, sleepless nights drying nightmare's tears and calming little ones' fears...

And then a little one wraps his fingers around your heart and all too soon love is a fast song, sweeping you off your feet, rocking you back and forth, dancing to the beat of a love so strong and a love so sweet.

The ebb and flow of love that grows as time- quick -

marches on; a picture of the Father’s love which cannot be undone. 

Linking up over at Hyacynth's for this week's Bigger Picture Moments and the birthday celebration!



 

Joy Dare: He Knows ME

Photo credit: wili_hybrid

This morning, I read these words of Truth:

 "O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar."  

(Psalm 139:1-2)

I was struck by this reminder that He not only created me and numbered my days, but that He also knows and cares about the little details of my life from my coming to my going, my sitting to my rising.

And, even more so, He knows my thoughts while they are still out of reach for me.  Matthew Henry puts it so beautifully when he explains, "Though my thoughts be ever so foreign and distant from one another, thou understandest the chain of them, and can make out their connexion, when so many of them slip my notice that I myself cannot". 

A few weeks ago, a friend shared this verse with me, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" (Psalm 56:8)

Today, as I continue to count His gifts, I am most thankful that I serve a Father who understands me more than anyone else on earth ever could.

***

127. News from the radiologist that my sweet friend, Kim, will not have to deliver her baby early. 


128. This truth: that though circumstances and trials be out of our control, it is always Him who goes before you. So, let your heart take courage and wait for the Lord, who is great and awesome and faithful. (Deuteronomy 31:6)


129. A mom who takes time out of her busy schedule to help me clean and ready our house for selling. 


130. A very, very clean house and a for sale sign as we look to the future.


131. My beautiful pregnant sister and the sweet baby girl growing healthy and strong in her womb.


132. A husband who reminds me that beauty is more than my outward appearance and who daily affirms that I am beautiful. 


133. The privilege and joy of raising the next generation and being more than just a mom to these little ones. 


134. This fallen world is not my home; I await the joyful hope of my citizenship in heaven and the transforming of this dying body into its glorious heavenly form. (Philippians 3:20-21)


135. I am not perfect, but I am enough. 


136. Sweet fellowship with friends who speak truth in love and words that are sweeter than honey...and that we were made for community, to encourage and build each other up.


137. Conversations between my little ones and watching a lifetime of friendship unfold. 


138. A gluten free cookie recipe that my husband, who enjoys a good gluten-filled dessert, calls "pretty good, babe". 


139. The blessing of MOPS and the group of women who have welcomed me with open arms and caring hearts. 


140. Doctors and nurses who care for our daughter's wound, stitches that heal, and a brave little girl who says after all she's endured, "I feel better now, mommy!".  


141. Shifting the focus from "two-piece swimsuits and skinny jeans to healthy heart, healthy body mass and healthy thoughts". 


142. This truth reminder for my tender, aching heart: "I’m loved, I really can do this. I’m chosen for a purpose."


143. Teaching my little ones to take care of our home and hearing them say, "I help you, mommy!" with joy and anticipation.


144. Laughter and sweet fellowship on a much needed mom's night out. 


145. His love that never fails, never gives up, and never runs out on me.


146. Cleaning and getting rid of more stuff - so freeing!


147. Knowing that my labor in the Lord is not in vain and that it is more than worth it to persevere and remain steadfast in my walk.  (1 Corinthians 15:58)


148. Celebrating nurses week by remembering the amazing NICU nurses who cared for our little ones so tenderly and compassionately. 


149. This beautiful love story and the reminder that love is a daily choice we make to put the needs of our loved one before our own. 


150. The tot spot at our local grocery store and kids who are excited to play while mommy grocery shops alone.


151. The Word of God that always proves true against all the lies the world throws my way.  (Psalm 18:30-32)


152. A much needed social media break and the time spent soaking up His truths and gaining a clearer perspective. 


153. "That motherhood is both the hardest and most magnificent thing you will ever do." 


154. Sharing the love of babywearing with other expectant mommas and learning more to better equip me for babywearing our littlest one. 


155. These mother's day words of love from my sisters: "Happy mothers day to the best mommy of THREE!" and "Happy mothers day :) you have some pretty lucky kids!".


156. A day "off" from mothering to enjoy a Brewers/Cubs game with my sisters, brothers, and cousins. 


157. Coming home to hand picked wildflowers and handmade cards from my little blessings and love from the three people who make my life more complete. 


158. A hubby who blessed me with the day off and is my biggest cheerleader on the hard mothering days. So thankful to have him by my side to journey this road of parenting together. It's a crazy, challenging life, but it is SO worth it.


159. Missing my sweet grandma on Mother's Day, but remembering the beautiful legacy she left and the family who carries pieces of her into the future.  


160. I am not perfect, but I press on to the perfection He promises in heaven because He has made me His own. (Philippians 3:12)


161. Being held safe and secure in the arms of the One who only allows what will build me up and mold me into the woman He desires me to be, not for my glory, but for His.  


162. Friends who remind me of His truth spoken in love and who join me in faithful prayer.


163. I will not shrink back and be destroyed when trials and struggles overwhelm, because I have a greater hope and nothing can separate me from His love.  


164. Finally feeling well enough to begin exercising again and discovering a new exercise routine that works for this pregnant momma.  


165. Connecting with a group of men and women who understand my gluten intolerance and the wealth of knowledge and resources gleaned from the local support group meeting.  


166. Discovering a $10 bill while cleaning out our bedroom closet.


167. Feeling more frequent and definite kicks from this littlest one in my womb - the coolest feeling ever.  


168. Though trials and tribulation may about in this world, I can take heart because HE has overcome the world (John 16:33)


169. Overhearing my daughter tenderly care for her brother, "Aw, yeddo, you got hurt. Wanna sleep on the couch...and I tuck you in?" Sometimes, as much as mommy wants to run and comfort even the little bumps and bruises, it's so precious to watch these two comfort each other.


170. "There's something so powerful about the friendships you can touch and see and feel." (Holley Gerth) So, so thankful for the friends God has placed in my life to dance with me in the moments of joy and cry with me in the moments of pain. ""When we're with people in the skin...it can really add richness to our lives." (Bonnie Gray)


171. When God reaches me with His word right where I am. I needed this today. Contentment does not come from wealth, success, health, or possessions, but from the feet of Christ, in wholly depending on Him, for when I am weak, He is strong and His grace is always sufficient. (Philippians 4:11-13)


172. Saying goodbye to sweet friends, but knowing that God has great plans in store for them and that they are obediently following Him exactly where He would have them be.


173. Cheering on our favorite mountain biker despite a rainy, muddy race day.


174. This quote from Matthew Henry's commentary about the importance of prayer and calling to God in our distress: "a good man is made up of prayer and gives himself to prayer".


175. That God, ultimately, overrules human sin and the effects of it. Not that He is the author of sin, but that He is in control of the events and directs the chain effects of human sin, not to make sin less punishable, but to further elevate His name to the praise and glory of the One who is over all.


176. Sunshine, bike rides, playgrounds, and picnics enjoyed with two sweet little ones and the steady pitter patter of the littlest one in my womb.


177. A 20 week ultrasound that revealed a healthy and ever growing baby BOY.


178. Waking up to a little monkey in my belly pitter-pattering away and another little monkey crawling all over our bed giggling. I couldn't help but smile - I'll take early mornings just to wake up to this happiness.


179. Date night with my love by his suggestion and parents who are more than happy to spend time with their grandkids.


180. A day at the beach chasing the waves and building sand castles with my loves.


181. Freedom, both in this land of the free and home of the brave (and for the men and women who sacrifice daily to keep it so) and in the redemption of my soul and the hope of eternal life in heaven.


182. Hearing our little ones memorize His words and encouraging their hearts to follow after Him.


183.  Long afternoon naps.


184. Grocery shopping in the early morning before my hubby leaves for work - so quiet and peaceful.


185. Beautiful maternity photos taken by a sweet friend.


186. The many rich and beautiful marriages that have encouraged and blessed my husband and I in our own marriages.


187. Singing hymns with my kids and hearing them say, "again, mommy! sing God song again!". 


188. The privilege to vote and have my voice heard. 


189. Celebrating 20 years since my baby brother joined our family and made it complete.


190. Overheard from my daughter, "And I love mommy too. Cuz I do!" And then my heart melted.


191. Baby shower festivities, the blessing of family, and the anticipation of our precious niece.

 

 

Bigger Picture Moment: Legacy of Love

 
Today, on the 2nd day of February, a month that celebrates love, I'm reminiscing about one love story that holds a special place in my heart. It is a love story I've not only heard, but seen played out in the lives of two people who not only spoke their vows, but lived them every single day of their 62 years together.

I still remember watching my grandma sit at the bedside of the man she vowed to spend her life with, till death do us part.  She held his hand, whispered words of love, cried as she said goodbye, and watched as he breathed his last.  Even after his spirit was gone and his body was left an empty shell of the man we all so loved, my grandma sat there talking to him and sharing her heart as she began to process life without him.

I watched her body go limp as they carried his body away for the last time, held up by her eldest son who never once left her side that day.  I heard her grief over the phone when I called her one day shortly after as she whispered through her tears, "I just miss him so much". 

Through the years, I watched their love continue to blossom, my grandpa reaching over to hold her hand, leaning down to kiss her in the middle of a family gathering, eyes shining with a love so deep.  I saw the way they held each other up through the hard times and knew that one day I wanted to find a love like theirs.

In the last year and a half since he left her side, she continued to journal and write him letters, this time writing about her "life after Paul".  She shared with me stories of their years together, of the house they designed and built together, of the family they raised and cherished together, of the losses they walked through together.  Her eyes still held a sparkle every time she spoke of him.

I remember my mom saying once that she hoped they both died at the same time, because she couldn't imagine the one without the other.  When grandpa died, we were so grateful for the time we still had with grandma.  Still, she once said, "I know I have so many family and friends who love me...but, at the end of the day, it's just me."  I know there wasn't a day that went by she didn't miss him, feel the emptiness where his presence used to be.

I can only imagine what life would be like without the man I loved for 62 years.  I pray for many more years with my husband, because I want to know that kind of deep love that weathered a lifetime together.  I want my children to see our love lived out loud, so they can continue that legacy of love in their own homes one day.

Project 52: Made With Love

This week's theme was Made With Love.  I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to photograph until I thought about the doilies I had stored away that were handmade by my great grandma and the beautiful photos I finally found a way to display in our home that say LOVE to me.  There are so many little pieces in these photos that say Made With Love to me.  

Linking up with Darcy of My 3 Boybarians for one photo each week for a year.