The Real Power of Prayer

"Momma said there would be hard days..." or so the saying goes.  I've heard this often lately and it seems to be a running theme in my life.  Just when I think I've made it through one battle, another one surfaces. 

My husband teases me that everything I write and talk about is always gloom and doom, that I tend to focus on and make a bigger deal of every little hard thing.  Part of it is my personality - I feel things deeply and my mind is a steal trap for emotions and anxieties.  I have a hard time remembering what day it is, but I can bring to mind a long ago memory and still feel the depth of emotions as if it was happening right now. 

I think a bigger part of it is also a stronghold in my life.  Emotions are not a bad thing, but when I allow them to define me, they can easily become both an idol and a stumbling block. 

I've been sitting here pondering prayer, as our school family is dedicating this day to pray for some really hard battles among us.  We ask for prayer at the drop of a hat and recite a few words quickly before a meal, but what does it really mean to pray without ceasing?

We say that there is power in prayer and that prayer is our best defense when there is nothing else we can do, but does that mean that God is not in control and that we can somehow change the future if we pray hard enough? 

My thoughts are a mess.  One minute I'm really living in gratitude, soaking up the mundane moments of every day living...and, in an instant, without any warning, I feel the weight of battles holding me down. 

I prepare lunch and wonder if my son will eat what I've made and how to unravel the fears that have built a wall around him.  I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet, because WHY is this happening now?  And what of the rash and pain from food that only seems to get worse and more confusing.  I don't know where to go from here.

I open up Facebook while slowly sipping my coffee, a smile on my face, because once, finally, there is no Sunday morning battle to get everyone out of bed and out the door on time.  And then I'm broadsided by a friend's battle that has once again reared its horrible head and it's bad, really bad.  I remember the day doctors first found the tumor in her brain and the words of pure faith despite the unknown she told me then...but still I wonder why.

I listen to a friend share the struggle of her own battleground, the ashes still scattered in the place they called home and they're still wondering how to pick up the pieces.  I hear the pain in her voice and I wonder what the purpose could possibly be in all of this. 

And then we ask for prayer - pray for me, pray for her, pray for this situation, pray for peace, pray for healing...but does it matter?  If God already knows our deepest cries and, even more, has already numbered our days, what good is one little prayer going to do?

Our friend and pastor visits our church on a weekend away from the new journey his family has embarked on and I soaked up every word of his sermon.  It's like God is not just listening, but speaking directly into the cracks and crevices of my heart.  Prayer is not just about voicing our needs, he says, but about rejoicing in the goodness of God.  Prayer reorients our hearts to be more like His.

"We do not pray to God to instruct him as to what he ought to do, neither for a moment must we presume to dictate the line of the divine procedure. We are permitted to say unto God, "Thus and thus would we have it," but we must evermore add, "But, seeing that we are ignorant and may be mistaken-seeing that we are still in the flesh, and, therefore, may be actuated by carnal motives-not as we will, but as thou wilt."" (C.H. Spurgeon)

Prayer should never be a chore either, our friend and pastor reminds us, lest we forget the privilege and gift it is to come unveiled before a holy and mighty God. Prayer is mercy and grace poured out through the blood of Christ.  When the battle is upon us and we wonder why, prayer is our communion with the One who knows and listens and is always waiting for us to run straight into His sanctuary. 

"True prayer is not a mere mental exercise, nor a vocal performance, but it is deeper far than that-it is spiritual commerce with the Creator of heaven and earth." (C.H. Spurgeon)

Isn't that amazing?  Read that over again and let it sink into your heart, because it really is a beautiful truth.

But what about interceding for others? We say prayer is a powerful thing and we are amazed when we see people coming together to pray for the same thing and even more amazed when we see Him answer our prayers in a mighty way.  But what of the "others" who have no one to lift their great needs in prayer?  Does having an army of friends and family you can call on to pray with you mean the need will be met in a bigger way?  Does not having an army of friends and family to intercede for you mean your prayers don't hold as much weight and won't be answered as readily?

Prayer doesn't hold the power to change God's mind or alter His plans.  Prayer sets aside our ways so we can better see His ways.  Watching an army of believers pray for the same need is amazing, but it's not because the volume of their prayers can pound harder at heaven's gates. 

Galatians 6:2 says we should bear one another's burdens in obedience to Him.  When Jesus walked this earth, He gave a new commandment that was greater than the stone tablet Moses once carried down the mount.  We are called, above all else, to love one another, so, bearing one another's burdens is a way for the body of Christ, through prayer, to lighten the loads we each carry. 

Matthew Henry says that the command in Galatians 6:2 is meant to direct us "to sympathize with one another under the various trials and troubles that we may meet with, and to be ready to afford each other the comfort and counsel, the help and assistance, which our circumstances may require".  This is what it means to really be the body of Christ. 

For those in the trenches of battle, knowing that others are lifting their needs up in prayer is both a relief and encouragement.  It is a reminder that we do not walk alone and it is encouragement needed to keep walking forward.  It is the hands and feet of Christ at work in our individual lives. 

So, today, will you join with the body of Christ and lighten the load of life's hard battles through steadfast and fervent prayer?  Please share your own prayer needs here and let's bear one another's burdens. 



 

Just Write: The Here & Now

In the middle of the night, my son begins to squirm.  I crawl out of bed, scoop him up, and nurse him before his midnight cries wake anyone else from a quiet slumber.  I can't stop staring at him, the way his hands wrap around me and hold me tight, the way he sighs so softly as he soaks up mommy's milk, and the way the two of us are connected so beautifully beyond the womb.  These are the moments I don't want to forget, that I want to imprint on my heart for years to come.

As the flow of milk slows and his sighs give way to the soft whisper of a sleeping babe, I think of my friend and I stay awake a little longer just to watch his chest rise and fall with each little breath, breathing my own prayer of thanksgiving for a son who fills my arms and my heart with more joy than I ever imagined possible.  And praying for my heavenly Father to wrap His arms around my friend's empty ones and encompass her with a peace that surpasses understanding. 

The little one asleep in my arms begins to fuss.  His night time congestion wakes him from his slumber and I rise from bed to walk and rock him back and forth.  My eyes begin to droop as my weary body reminds me of my own need for rest...but, for a moment, I forget my own discomfort and stare again at this newborn baby in my arms.

I can hear the soft snores of my daughter and older son in their room and I remember the many sleepless nights rocking them back and forth.  I know too many women who long for those sleepless nights, just to have their baby here once more.  I breathe another prayer, this time asking Him to remind me always not to take these moments for granted and to know, even when it's hard, that motherhood is a blessing and these little ones are a gift.  I don't deserve these gifts, but oh, how I love them...and oh, how I would miss them if they weren't here.

Because life really is a vapor...and we are not promised tomorrow.  These little ones belong to Him and only He knows the number of their days.  Our days together are numbered, whether it be until tomorrow or decades from now.  

So, for today, while they are here in my arms, I will stop to stare at their chests rising and falling with each breath, to laugh and dance myself silly just to see them smile, and to take mental snapshots of every single moment, breathing in the here and the now.  If all we have is today, I want to remember this forever. 

Linking up with Heather for this week's free writing exercise.

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Empty Arms & Fresh Tears

 
“Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things 

take up the most room in your heart.”

Today, I attended a funeral.  I've been to my share of funerals and cried my share of tears over the loss of a loved one in the past few years...but today was different.  So very different.

I walked in slowly, quietly to the funeral home, feeling numb and speechless.  I was greeted by the sister of my friend whose daughter was wiping away fresh tears.  As I gazed into the room, I was instantly aware of the emptiness.

Where usually a standard size casket stands, here there was a tiny little box...holding a newborn baby boy.  The last time I saw my friend, she was laughing as her son kicked away in her womb...but today her arms are empty.

I remember the day my friend made her announcement and the joy mixed with anxiety displayed in her eyes.  She's a mom who knows there are no guarantees from a positive pregnancy test.

But, as weeks turned into months and her belly began to grow, we marveled at the miracles God had placed in each of our wombs.  We laughed at our silly cravings and commiserated over the not-so-fun symptoms of a body hard at work growing a tiny little baby.  We began to plan and anticipate the arrival of our little ones...

...until the day that her joy gave way to her fears.  Something was wrong with her growing baby and before long her journey took a much different road than mine.  We prayed for this little one, unsure what the future held for him and her growing family.

He arrived the day after our son, a month earlier than his due date.  For just over a month, they watched him grow and fell in love with their newborn son.  As I sat at home nursing my newborn son, I would pray and think about my friend and her son as they waited in a hospital room, the future still so uncertain.

And then, on a weekend when our country celebrates life's blessings and takes time away from our busy schedules to give thanks, my friend said goodbye to this son who had captured the hearts of so many already.  As I read the news, I wept.

How do you make sense of a mother burying her newborn son just days after a day set aside for thanksgiving?  I know God is good and I know He is always in control...but, to my finite human mind, I just don't understand.

The only hope I have is in the One born in a manger, whose birth set in motion a plan put in place long before man even walked this earth...and in the One whose death brought life, the eternal hope of heaven.

***

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Great Grandma

It's a road I've traveled before, but it doesn't seem to get any easier each time. 

They said it's time...to say goodbye, to let her go...and I know they are right, but it's still hard. 

I hate goodbyes. 

Tonight, I sat at her bedside, holding her hand, stroking her hair, and simply loving on a woman who's lived a long, beautiful life. 

She looked into my eyes, begging me to keep holding her hand, a twinkle in her eye as she recognized first me, then my husband, and finally our little ones.

She asked me when our littlest one is due and remembered the trauma of our first two birth experiences, wishing us well even in the midst of her own pain. 

She told me it was so good to see me and I knew, just looking deep into her eyes, how much she loves me and those who are blessed to know her well. 

The longer I sat, holding her hand, leaning in to hear her voice, the weaker she became.  Her shoulders slumped, her eyes heavy, her body weary of this life. 

I had been torn between rushing to her bedside less than an hour earlier, wanting to say goodbye one last time but wanting to remember her more full of life. 

But I just couldn't stay away.  I needed to be there, to love on her one last time. 

And now, I am tired, weary of the pain, the suffering, the trials, the struggles we must face in this world. 

I know God is near and I know the comfort of His words, but sometimes the only thing I can do is fall tear-stained at His feet. 

And that's exactly where He meets me, because He knows too that death was never meant to be.  It is an awful, horrible part of this sinful, fallen world and it simply hurts. 

For now, she is holding on, but the end is near.  And my heart is simply breaking. 

Just Write: All About Grace

Inspired by this post, I decided, instead of hiding my words when I feel like such a mess, it's time to open up and share my mess.  Because, I often find that sharing my mess opens up a beautiful picture of grace and gives us a place to share the real depth of our hearts here in this space.

And you know, it really is all about grace.  Grace when I make a mess of motherhood...but tomorrow is still a new day.  Grace when I am filled with tears over nothing at all...but He reminds me of who I am in Him.  Grace when I lash out at my husband instead of filling him with words of encouragement that would build him up instead of tear him down...but he holds me in his arms and reminds me he will love me no matter what.

I've been struggling, friends.  I am overjoyed at the life being knit together in my womb...but the morning sickness is really doing me in.  For the past three weeks I've been able to eat nothing more than toast and water.  I was throwing up 2-3 times a day until I finally begged my doctor for help in the form of Zofran.  It helps a little, but I'm still throwing up once a day and eating only small amounts of bland food at a time.

Because I can't eat much and I'm throwing up still so frequently, I am weak and tired and overwhelmed.  This week, our hardwood floors are being refinished.  It was scheduled a week ago, so we had just a week to pack up and move everything out of our living room and bedrooms, the main living areas of our home.

I spent most of the week laying around, barely mustering the energy to make my kids lunch and change my son's diapers.  So, Saturday morning, there was still so, so much to do...and not much I could do to help.  I was so stressed out about it and feeling completely useless that I ended up getting into more than one argument with my husband.  And, of course, I dissolved into tears every single time.

Add to that the realization that, as Easter approaches, so does one more anniversary, now two years since I said goodbye to the grandfather I so dearly loved.  And it's still only been two months since I last hugged my grandmother and heard her say I love you.  Sometimes I forget how hard grief is until it blindsides me.  It will always be there and it will always hurt.

As external stresses begin to weigh me down, inevitably, so does the anxiety I still struggle with.  I'm getting better at recognizing it and stronger at fighting it, but it is still there.  Sometimes it's as much a part of me as breathing and, when I'm already exhausted and overwhelmed, I lose some of that fight.

One day, I was reading post after post of friends whose feet are hitting the pavement still and feeling the high that comes from running...and I realized how much I miss it, how much it has also become as much a part of me as breathing.  And then I begin to feel jealous and sad, jealous because I wish I was out there running too, sad because I wish I was out there running too.  And it's so easy for me to feel down on myself...forgetting that the reason I am not running right now is a very worthwhile and beautiful reason.  I still intend to get out there and run as soon as I am feeling well again, but, for now, it's enough of a workout to get myself out of bed.

And then I read post after post of moms taking their kids out for a walk in this beautiful weather or making some great new recipe...and I stare at the piece of toast I can barely force myself to eat and the macaroni and cheese my kids have been eating for several days straight...and I feel like I have failed somehow.  Because it's easy to play the comparison game and set unrealistic expectations on myself, forgetting that every time I simply set myself up for failure.  And forgetting even more that I am far from a failure...that my purpose right here, right now is growing this little miracle and loving on the two already here in my arms.  Some days all I have the energy for is to hug and hold my kids...and that is more than enough.

So, this morning, after barely mustering the energy to get out of bed and eat a simple piece of toast and one egg, I decided to give myself grace and remember that this is just a season and that my mission is simply to love and cherish these little ones.  And that I can only be the best at being me.  Right now it is hard, but I am going to take it one moment at a time and remember grace, real grace, the kind that loved me despite my mess and chose to die on a cross for me.



 

Five Minute Friday: Ache

As I lay my weary head on my pillow, my mind races with a million and one prayer requests.

A friend whose baby girl is in the hospital with bronchitis and breathing problems.


A friend whose heart aches for the little ones who left her womb too soon.


A friend whose cancer has returned...while she is pregnant with her sixth child.


A friend whose baby girl is in the hospital again with dehydration and has already been through so much in her short life.


A friend who continues to grieve the loss of a little one taken from her arms too soon.

A friend struggling with pre-term labor with her almost 32 week twins.

And still my heart aches for the grandfather and grandmother I loved so dearly and miss so deeply.

And as these aches flood my weary mind, all I can think is, "be near, Lord Jesus, be near".

Because I don't understand the why or the how or the what of all that is happening, but He knows and He is not at all surprised.

I think of our Pastor's sermon on James 1:1-4 and the reminder that life is hard, but God is still good.

Still, there are times where the ache is just too great, the burden too heavy...and all I can do is fall to my knees and lay them all at His feet.

Because He hears and He answers...maybe not always the answer or the timing we expect, but that is because our human minds cannot begin to comprehend all He has planned for His people.

And still there is sin that wreaks havoc on this world, filling it with natural disasters, broken hearts, loved ones lost, and sickness that returns.

As long as there is sin in the world, the ache will never go away.

But as long as there is Jesus, the burden will be lighter, the road a little easier, and the future more hopeful. 




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Fresh Brewed Sundays: Count It All JOY

 Photo credit: smenzel

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  

(James 1:2-4)

This morning, the kids and I were still so sick from lingering colds, so we were stuck at home instead of attending church service.  While the kids watched a movie and coloring some activity pages I had printed out, I listened to a sermon online that was the first in a series our Pastor is doing on the book of James.   He talked about how some people say everything happens for a reason, but he disagreed after studying this passage.  Because God does not cause bad things to happen.  Bad things happen because there is sin in the world and often there is really no one to blame.

Life is just hard and things happen that we can't control.  But God does work all things together for good.  He talked about how the phrase count it all joy is really an attitude change, "an internal decision to make a positive response to the negative happenings in life".  He went on to say that faith that works believes that life's trouble produce spiritual goods, that we should consider trials an opportunity  to, by faith, find joy in what God is doing inside of you and that we should pray that our faith would be refined through the trial and made complete.

I've been pondering these truths all morning and then, just now, I read an update from my friend, Dale, about the brain tumor doctor's discovered causing his wife's migraines just over four years ago that resulted in an emergency c-section of her daughter and subsequent brain surgery and radiation to remove most of the tumor and shrink the remaining pieces of it.  Last week, after years of positive reports that the tumor was not growing...an MRI revealed that it is growing again.  Radiation is a definite once again and surgery could still be a possibility once they determine how much it has grown again.  And, since she is pregnant with her sixth child, there is a possibility she would have to be induced early.

My heart broke as I read his words, because I remember falling to my knees in tears as I prayed for her that first time...and I feel like it's all happening again.  But then I remembered we serve a God who is not surprised by these trials.  He doesn't cause them, but He knows what the future holds and He can and will work all things together for good.  Whatever the future holds, He knows and He has not left her side.  So, while my heart is still breaking, I will choose to find joy in what God will do through this trial and pray that each of us would find that our faith has been refined and made complete in the midst of this trial. 

Linking up with Barbie for Fresh Brewed Sundays.

 

Wednesday Morning Coffee

Photo credit: alfstorm

In case you didn't already know, I love my morning coffee.  Currently, my favorite is Target's Archer Farms Hazelnut coffee with a little bit of vanilla flavored almond milk.  But, on the go, I do enjoy a delicious soy chai tea latte from Starbucks.  This morning, as I sip my morning coffee, I thought it would be fun to invite YOU for a virtual coffee date.

So, sit back, relax, and sip your favorite cup of coffee (or tea, if you prefer - I love chai tea!)...and join me as I share some random thoughts from my week and a few things that have been on my heart.  I'd love to hear from you - what's on your heart today, what are you struggling with, what are you joyful about, what are you needing prayer for.  

***

I talked yesterday about how I've been longing for simplicity.  This morning I opened up my FlyLady email to discover February's challenge: 15 minutes of decluttering every day.  Then, as I sifted through my facebook newsfeed I saw this status on Money Saving Mom's page:

Happy February!  This month we're going to be focusing on reducing clutter and getting our homes in bettr order.  I'm going to be going through my home from top to bottom and blogging some fun clear-out-the-clutter challenges. 

I love how everything is focusing me on the same thing this month: a desire to live simply and no longer let the clutter of "stuff" control my life.  Could it be God getting my attention again?  Because he has a way of repeating things like that to get ahold of me. 

Yesterday was a rough day for me.  I'm not sure why, but I was feeling down and gloomy all day.  I sat around in my pajamas all day, sipping tea and munching on gluten free bread, my favorite comfort food.

My little ones were so sweet all day.  My daughter came up to give me a hug and said, "Mommy, I give you feel-good hug?" and my son kept asking me, "Mommy, you not feel good?"  At one point, he even climbed into my lap and cuddled with me for a while. 

I did part of my daily cleaning, but didn't have the energy to clean the kitchen floor.  And, really, that's okay.  I love having a cleaning schedule, because it gives me something to do each day so everything doesn't pile up...but, if I don't get one thing done it's easy to do it the next day or just not worry about it.  I'm learning to give myself grace in this area.

My husband asked me last night if I was physically tired...or if something was bothering me, because that often makes me feel tired.  I love how well he knows me and at the extra effort he's made to understand and care for me.  I don't think anything is really worrying or making me anxious right now (of course, sometimes it takes me a while to realize it)...maybe it's just the weather or my hormones or maybe I'm coming down with something again.

I went to the chiropractor on Monday morning.  He's been doing some therapy on my Achilles tendon to help me heal from my tendinitis flare up.  He was convinced my foot is getting stronger, especially after I told him I had done a 1 1/2 minute run that morning.  I'm anxious to get back into a running routine and start training for my goals this year.

My kids were quite entertained by the skeleton hanging in the room at the chiropractic clinic.  They kept laughing and saying "that's funny, mommy!"  We went to the library after and found several books about bones and the skeleton.  I figured if they're showing some interest I might as well take it as a learning opportunity.

Speaking of learning opportunities, I need to start doing some more tot school activities with the kids.  Valerie is so interested in learning these days and I want to encourage her curiosity and interest with fun projects and experiments.  I found a book on preschool science activities at the library too.  I'm going to search through it today and find some things to do for the next week.

I need to spend more time in His word.  Why is it always so hard to be disciplined about making time for bible study?  I always come up with some excuse - I'm too tired, I have too much to do, I can't concentrate right now... And before I know it several days have gone by without time spent with Him.

It melts my heart hearing my kids sing the words to "Jesus Loves Me" and hearing them ask to pray with them.  "I talk to God!" my daughter loves to say.  I want to be a better example to them, but I also know my soul needs Him too.

I read this verse on facebook yesterday and it was just what I needed to be reminded of:

Oh satisfy us early with your mercy 

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days!" 

(Psalm 90:14) 

To Our Sparrow

A week ago today, my sweet cousin, Sparrow, had to endure something no young wife and mom should ever have to endure...saying a final goodbye to her wonderful husband, a man who loved deeply and could fill a room with his smile and laughter.  My family and I have been so broken over her loss and really feeling torn between being here for grandma in her last days and hopping on the next plane to be there with our Sparrow.  I wrote a letter on behalf of my cousins to be shared with Sparrow to let her know how much we love her and will be here to support her in the hard months and years to come...

Sparrow,

Our hearts are breaking for you and all you’ve had to endure.  It just doesn’t seem fair.  We wish we could be with you right now.  Even though we are far away, we want you to know that we will be your strength, holding you and supporting you in the months and years ahead.    

Many of us have been blessed to have known and loved Monte.  He was a great man whose love for you and your beautiful daughter was so evident.  He was such a joy to be around.  We will never forget his smile or the way he could tell a story.  We are all proud to call him family. 

On your wedding day, many of us were there to share in the joy of your new life together.  Monte couldn’t have been happier to be married to you.  Because of all you have been through in your life, we’ve all felt a desire to protect and watch out for you, but we knew, without a doubt, that this was a man who would cherish and love you well.   Even those who couldn’t be there will forever remember the beauty of your love in every picture you have shared with us. 

It is that love that will carry you through.  Though he is no longer here with us, he will live on through your beautiful daughter.  Matia – such a beautiful name for the daughter you had both waited for and dreamed of from the moment you excitedly shared your news with all of us.  You could probably have heard all our yelling and shouting when we found out your wonderful news.  We couldn’t have been happier for you.  If anyone deserved a happily ever after, it was you. 

We still can’t believe this is really happening.  We’ve all cried for you and for the loss of a man who will be forever missed and never forgotten.  If only there was a way to reach across the miles and envelop you in our arms.  We really wish we could be there with you today.  You are never far from our thoughts or our prayers.  Just imagine us all here, right now, holding you and loving you.  We all love you so much.

Your Klein cousins
Star, Kisha, Jackson, Tristan, Joshua, Sam, Ben, Stephanie, Melissa, DJ, Kelly, Dan, Alyssa, Nicole, Emma, Ethan

Valerie Laura Klein

My mom and her brothers wrote this beautiful tribute to their mom, a woman who lived a full and beautiful life and will be missed by so many who loved her and were blessed to have known her...

 ***

Valerie Laura Klein passed to the next life Sunday morning while surrounded by her loving family.

Laura (as she was called) was born March 4th, 1928 and raised in Niagara, Wisconsin, the daughter of Raymond McKinley and Valerie Olive Outcelt, and sister to Raymond.

At one point she wrote both for the local newspaper and had her own radio show “Date With the Ladies”.  She met Paul Klein, a young engineer at the local paper mill and they were married in 1948.  Their marriage was an inspiration for over 60 years, 10 children, and several transcontinental moves, eventually settling in the Fox River Valley in a home they designed and built, mostly with their own hands.

She returned to college the same year her youngest entered kindergarten.  While balancing a busy family life, she completed her degree in teaching, and spent many years teaching English as a second language to the local Hmong and other immigrant communities.

Her life would not have been as full without her many canine companions.  She loved all of her dogs throughout her life, but was especially fond of her Samoyeds.

Although Paul spent the latter half of his professional life as a deacon in the Catholic Church, all that knew them recognized that they were an inseparable team.

She was a devoted, creative, loving, and diligent wife, mother, sister, teacher, and friend to many.  Laura is survived by eight children; Lawrence, Mark (Ellen Davis),Thomas (Erin Moonlight), Charles (Susan Gigot-Klein), James (Michelle), Mary (David) Fochs, Andrew (Stephanie) and Gerard (Michelle), 18 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.  She is further survived by a brother Ray (Lois) Outcelt and a brother-in-law John (Mary).  Laura was preceded in death by her husband Paul, two children, Paula and Peter, a grandson Levi, a sister in-law Carlyne and a granddaughter’s husband, Monte Trott.

There is no way that we can remember and personally thank everyone who has been a support to us.  We would like to acknowledge and thank the nurses and doctors at Affinity/St. Elizabeth’s, especially Dr. Douglas Grant and his nurse Lynn who provided loving care for our family over the past 36 years, and Dr. Reidy, and Dr. Bannasch who provided such thoughtful care for our mother in her final days.

We want to thank the diocese of Green Bay and deaconate community for their many years of great friendship and support to our mother. They have been blessed with many friends over the years.  We would like to acknowledge Rosemary Cummings for her long friendship and fellow deacon and close friends Don Wetzel and his wife Joan and Rita Wessing.

We have been blessed with a mother who possessed an apparently boundless well of love and compassion, a keen sense of social justice, and an occasionally outrageous sense of humor.

A mass of Christian Burial will be held at 11:00AM Friday, December 23, 2011, at St. Thomas More Catholic Church.  Visitations will be held at 5PM with a vigil at 7:30 PM on Thursday, December 22^nd at Valley Funeral Home, visitation will continue on Friday at the church from 9 until the time of mass.

In lieu of flowers, memorials can be directed to either Madonna House Apostolate in Combermere, Ontario or Fox Valley Literacy Council. 

Another Goodbye

My grandma passed away this morning...and my heart is breaking.  Goodbyes are so, so hard.  I will share more when I can find the words...but, for now, here is a picture of my sweet grandma, the way I will always remember her.

 

The Hard Eucharisteo

As my dad walks in the door, I see his smile fading.  His shoulders slump and his words tell us it is getting worse. 

My sweet grandma, always so good with words, who always has an open smile in photos because she loves to share her stories, is understanding our words but unable to form her own words. 

Seizures, Alzheimers, mini strokes...the doctors explain...and in just a few words are hope is deferred.

I share my heart with a sweet friend who loves on me with her prayers and her heart that knows me so well.  We remember how, even in the storms, God is faithful. 

He has prepared us so graciously for the hard moments, reminding us that eucharisteo, a life of giving thanks and counting our blessings, is not always easy, but still possible.

The soothing aroma of lavendar and a warm bath invites me to sink in and wash away the pain and the hurt and the tears.  I soak it in until the water cools down, slowly willing myself to return to the moments that I wish I didn't have to endure. 

My husband sits in bed with our two beautiful children cuddled up close to their daddy.  His eyes lock with mine as I walk in and he knows I am hurting.  He invites me to join this circle, the one formed by love and held together by the One who has blessed us more than we deserve. 

My daughter leans over her daddy and reaches her arm out to me.  Her eyes search my ownand somehow, at only three, she really sees me.  I kiss her and she smiles, a smile that says, "I know you're sad, mommy, but I love you." 

And I remember Ann's words, that sometimes the moments that are hard are better than the moments that are easy, because they remind us of grace and that in our deepest pain, we get grace enough to bear it - when we run into the arms of Grace who bore it all, into Him who is more than enough.

I wonder at how God has prepared me for a time when I would again have to praise Him not for the good things, but for His love that is goodness enough. 

Even in this storm, I will trust in the One who holds my tomorrows and praise Him for grace enough to bear it and for Him who is more than enough. 

To you, O LORD, I call; my rock, be not deaf to me, lest, if you be silent to me, I become like those who go down to the pit. 

Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy, when I cry to you for help, when I lift up my hands toward your most holy sanctuary...

Blessed be the LORD! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.  

The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. 

(Psalm 28:1-2, 6-7)

 

Five Minutes Friday: Tired

Moments like this, when I open my facebook page and read the words of a friend who's heart has been broken again, who's hopes have been deferred once more, make me tired, weary, longing for the other side of heaven.

Because this world, it is full of pain, heartache, loss, tears, brokenness...and it will never end this side of heaven.

Galatians 6:2 calls us to bear one another's burdens, because this is what the body of Christ is all about...but, some days, the load just seems too much.

I get caught up in the daily mess, the lengthy to do lists, the worrying about tomorrow, and it just takes one moment to remind me that there is more to this life than that.

Yes, there is pain, yes, there are tears...but this world is just a shell, a copy of the original that is much, much more beautiful and vibrant than what we see.

The season we are celebrating right now reminds me that there is One who came to this earth in the humble form of a newborn babe, wrapped in swaddling cloth, lying in a manger, with nothing but dirty shepherds and a host of heavenly beings to welcome Him here.

And that little One, who humbled Himself so to become man, to bear our burdens, to feel the pain, the tears, the mess of this world...came for much more than some lonely shepherds.

He came to remind me, to show us that there is more to come...that He loves us enough to wipe away our tears, wash away our sins, and one day welcome us to a place where there are no more tears, no more sorrow, no more loss.

And it's that hope I cling to when my soul is tired and weary of this world.

There is One who came to bear our burdens in a way only He can, to lay them at the foot of the cross, and wash them in the blood of the Lamb who was perfect, spotless, and holy.

(Dear sweet friend, may you hold onto that hope, that promise even through the tears.  And know that you are not ever alone, because this body of Christ loves you and will bear this burden with you.) 

Tot School: A is for Acorn

We missed Tot School yesterday, because miss V was getting a cold and we were both feeling quite tired.  Today, we continued our letter A theme by doing some acorn activities and one more apple project.  First, I cut an apple in half and we talked about how the seeds inside an apple can be used to grow another apple tree.  (Tomorrow, we're going to attempt to "plant" one just for fun.)  Then, I let her stamp with the apple using some finger paints.  She loved it and kept saying "mommy, I do that!"

Next, we talked about other words that start with A like Almanzo and acorn.  A few weeks ago, she found an acorn at Ted's bike race so she recognized the picture of an acorn right away.  I found two A is for Acorn worksheets and let her color them in.  Instead of coloring in the A's like the rest of the sheet, she was really careful to draw straight lines and follow the lines of the letter.  Before I know it she'll be writing the letter A all by herself!

Finally, we did a cut and paste project with an acorn outline I drew on a sheet of white paper and scraps of paper cut out from a paper grocery bag.  I let her color in the grocery bag with a dark brown and light brown color and then tore each color into pieces so she could paste them onto the acorn outline.  Then, I cut out the finished acorn and mounted it onto a green piece of cardstock to display on the fridge.  She couldn't wait to show her daddy her projects when he got home.

She was also excited to begin a "new class" (Cubbies) at Awana tonight.  I'm feeling like I'm getting the cold Ted and Valerie have, so I decided to stay home tonight, but Ted brought her over and got her registered and I will pick her up later.  I almost cried seeing how grown up she looked as she went with daddy to her "new class".

PS - The wildfires in Texas today are dangerously close to where my brother-in-law and sister-in-law live (less than 10 miles away!).  So far, it's under control, but you just never know what a fire will do.  I know they would appreciate prayers for the fires to be contained and for their home to be safe...and for rain to relieve Texas from the drought causing all these fires. 

Life: A Gift, A Blessing, A Treasure

Life is a gift, a precious treasure of great value.  I always knew my children were a blessing, but how often do I really sit and ponder the gift that they are? 

Today, I've been treasuring the little moments, watching their faces light up when I come home and yell for mommy, holding my son close as he clings to me in those half awake, half asleep moments after nap, putting hair "pretties" in my daughter's hair and watching her twirl around telling us she's a "pri-cess", hearing my daughter singing with joy as she dances around the room...

It's so easy to take these moments for granted, to complain about their constant whining, the trouble they often get into, and the neverending job of being a mom.  Today, I've remembered that motherhood is a gift.  Hearing my children call me "mommy" as they run into my arms is a gift, a blessing, a treasure. 

On Thursday, a sweet little boy was born into the expectant, joyful arms of his parents here on earth...and just over an hour later was welcomed into the arms of Jesus.  The hour and 7 minutes he spent here on earth have left an imprint on my heart I will never forget and the quiet strength his sweet parents have displayed has left me in awe and wonder. 

Our neighbors shared their son with me today, telling me about the precious time he spent here on earth, with their faces filled with joy and pride as they spoke of their beloved son.  I walked into the hospital room expecting to see their tear stained faces and be overwhelmed by grief, but instead I watched the quiet strength of two parents who courageously carried this little one to term even when doctors said he wouldn't live, are forever grateful for the moments they spent with him, and reminded me over and over what a precious gift a child is. 

And he is precious, my friends, absolutely beautiful.  My heart breaks that his parents who love him so deeply and prayed for him for so long, will never have the joy of watching him grow.  Times like this make me wonder why.  I know God has a purpose for each and every one of us, that He is good and faithful in all things...but I don't understand when things like this happen. 

The words of a Casting Crown song perhaps explain it best...

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Will you pray for this sweet family in the weeks to come, because I know it will be so, so hard for them?

Help 4 Joplin

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

The storm we experienced here was nothing compared to the tornadoes and devastation that ripped through the community of Joplin, MO on Sunday, May 22nd.  My friend, Hyacynth, shared that her friend, Sarah, who is from Joplin, was safe, but her community was destroyed - 75% of the community gone.  Can you imagine?  

I watched this video yesterday and my heart started to break...

...but my heart really broke when I read Sarah's words and saw the pictures of the places they loved - school, church, neighborhood, hospital.

Hyacynth and the whole Bigger Picture Blogs community are hosting an online auction this Wednesday through Friday with benefits going to the Salvation Army to help the community of Joplin, MO rebuild and recover from this devastation.  Will you consider joining and helping us spread the word?

Even if you don't join, will you please pray for the people of Joplin?  Sometimes I feel helpless in situations like this, but I know that I can always pray...and I know that He hears our cries.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16)

PS - You can still enter my giveaway for a $20 credit to Dayspring - deadline is extended to tomorrow at NOON (CST).  Dayspring and (in)courage are also one of the many wonderful sponsors for the Help 4 Joplin auction. 

Anxiety

Will you pray for me, friends?  I am struggling so much with anxiety and worry lately, especially with the prospect of traveling so far away with two little ones.  I had a serious meltdown last night, but my sweet hubby helped remind me of God's promises once again and this morning I searched His word for verses I could write down on note cards to bring with me on our trip.   I feel His peace this morning, a peace that surpasses understanding, and I am trusting Him to calm my spirit and give me grace and strength each day.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  (Psalm 42:5, 11, Psalm 43:5)

"My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you..." (Psalm 42:6)

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.  The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly." (Proverbs 15:13-14)

"Say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, He will come with vengeance; with divine retribution He will come to save you.'"  (Isaiah 35:4)

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:25-27)

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  (1 Peter 5:7)

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this."  (Psalm 37:4-5)

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  (John 14:27)

***

Also, I totally forgot to pick a winner for the California taffy.  The winning comment was #5, Melissa!  Congratulations Melissa!  This is SO perfect, because Melissa lives near Amanda and really wanted to be able to make the trip too, so she can still enjoy a little bit of California with this prize.  (Melissa, I'll be sure to hand deliver your prize somehow as soon as we return.)  Also, Melissa is expecting baby #4 and struggling with some health problems of her own right now.  Could you join me in praying for her too? 

***

Oh, and one more prayer request...my hubby has been sick since Monday with what he is afraid might be the flu.  He had a rough night of sleep last night and I'm just praying he is better by tomorrow for our flight (and his BIRTHDAY) and for the bike race this weekend. 

(Bump) Love & Motherhood

Tomorrow would have been my grandfather's 87th birthday.  Over the weekend, we had our annual winter day at my aunt & uncle's house where we would always celebrate Grandpa's birthday.  As Valentine's Day approaches, I find myself thinking about what love really is and how my family demonstrated the most beautiful love as we cared for my grandfather in his last days.  I wrote a post shortly after his death about what he taught me about love...as a mom, as a wife, as a (grand)daughter.  I wrote it for Mother's Day, but I think the words are just as true for Valentine's Day or, really, any day.

***

The whole week we spent loving on my grandfather before he passed away, I learned some important things about love.

One is that love hurts...a LOT.  But it's well worth it to experience a lifetime of love and memories.  My grandmother said the alternative is never having loved at all...and I am so thankful I loved and was loved by my grandfather.

It hurt so much to see my children sick and having to watch them rushed to the NICU shortly after their births.  It hurts every time one of them gets a bump or bruise.  It hurts every time they cry, because I want to be able to fix every problem.  It hurts when I'm so exhausted from staying up all night with a fussy baby or teething toddler.  It hurts when my toddler tests my patience all day long.  It hurts when it's been a long day stuck at home with two crabby babies...but it also hurts when I'm away from them, because their is a tie that forever binds us together.  I can't imagine not loving them and I am so thankful I can love them, here and now.

Another thing I learned is that love is sacrificial.  My family sacrificed sleep, their own beds and homes, and many commitments just to be by my grandfather's side.  No one questioned it either.  We had to be there, because we loved my grandfather...no, we LOVE my grandfather, because we will never stop loving him.

We also love our family and have learned that these moments we have together are too precious to miss.  We make it a priority to be there for each other, in the good times and the bad times, because we don't know when it will be the last.  And it is worth it.

My children are worth it.  I wouldn't trade the moments I have with them and I want to savor every single one.  Sometimes I miss teaching, being in a classroom filled with students eager to learn...but then I realize this is my classroom.  My children are learning new things every day and I have the privilege of watching them grow every day.

This year, Mother's Day means a lot more to me, because I am learning to not take my children for granted and that motherhood is a privilege, because love is precious, sacrificial, and it's worth the pain of future heartache.

To my mother...I am only beginning to understand just how big is your love for each of your children.  I am so blessed to be your daughter and am so thankful for your unconditional love, for your steadfast support and encouragement.  My husband teases me that I talk to my mom on the phone all the time and laughs when we call each other several times in the same day.  But, I just smile and say it's because I love her and she loves me.  Today, my mom is more than just my mom...she's my friend and confidante.

To my mother-in-law...I am so blessed to be a part of your family.  Thank you for showing me another beautiful example of motherhood and for constantly encouraging me in my own journey of motherhood.  I often tell my husband I wish we lived closer to his parents, because there are so many things I'd love to sit and learn from his mom.  He jokes that I would probably get sick of them, but, honestly, I am blessed to have a mother-in-law I love and cherish just as much as my own mother.

To my grandmothers...thank you for the beautiful legacy of motherhood you have begun in our families.  The grace that you portray as you continue to mother your children and love on your grandchildren and great grandchildren inspires me each day to become a better mother.  I love watching the relationship you each have with your children today...the way they "mother" you now and are willing to drop anything to be by your side when you need them most.  I hope I can have the same relationship with my children, a love that only grows stronger through the years.

To my sister-in-law, Lisa, and all my friends who are mothers...I am so blessed to have you to share this journey of motherhood with.  I love the way we can all come together from so many different walks of life and share this one joy that instantly bonds us together, sort of the "sisterhood" of motherhood.

To all the moms whose babies are missing from their arms and the women who long to be mothers...my heart aches for you.  I cannot understand your pain, but I want to acknowledge that I know today is a very hard day for you.  I want you to know I am praying for you today and, most importantly, that He hears your prayers and knows your pain.

A blogging friend, Shaina, wrote a beautiful Mother's Day post that I wanted to share with all of you, especially to the moms or women who have a hard time finding joy in this holiday, because she has been there.  I hope her words are an encouragement to you and a reminder to all moms to remember the mothers and women with empty arms today.

***

I also linked up to this (in)courage post, Love is a Verb!, because the way we loved on my grandfather in his last days was the perfect example of love in action (and I would love to display that beautiful heart canvas in our home).

Could you pray for me today?  I was finally starting to feel a little better over the weekend from my surgery, but today my ear is throbbing.  I'm pretty sure I have an ear infection, but I hope it's nothing more than that.

And, one more thing...don't forget to check out my last post about my California adventure and comment for your chance to win a yummy souvenir.   

Sinus Surgery

At 9:00 am yesterday morning, after fasting (no food OR water) since midnight, Ted brought me to the Surgery Center for my sinus surgery.  We dropped the kids off at my friend, Christa's house and then my mom picked them up as soon as she could get there from her own doctor appointments.  (Thank you both SO much!)  The surgery was scheduled for 10, but I needed to be prepped and an IV needed to be started. 

I was actually most nervous about the IV, because I have such small veins that often leave me with a collapsed vein or multiple pokes in order to get just one needle in.  It made me nauseous that morning just thinking about it.  I told my nurse, Gabriella, and she assured me she could get it on the first try.  She also said she would put some medicine in initially to numb the area so I would only feel a slight poke.  I was surprised at how little it actually hurt and thankful for how quickly she got it in and started.  I did start to feel some burning when she started the fluids at first, but, after that I didn't feel anything...well, except the urge to go to the bathroom two times before I was actually wheeled into surgery.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a very weak bladder, which only got worse after having two kids, and is often worse whenever I'm nervous.  My nurse didn't tease me at all though and was super sweet to help me to the bathroom twice. 

The anesthesiologist came in the room shortly after the IV was started to prep us for the surgery and the anesthesia.  Before he came in, Ted saw him in the hallway and said he looked really familiar.  Sure enough, he was the same anesthesiologist for my epidural with Almanzo's birth.  He remembered us too, because of my unique history of heart surgery for coarctation of the aorta.  All I remember is that he was really happy and talkative for the middle of the night...and I wasn't very happy after being in labor for so long.  But, he did a great job with the epidural so we knew I was in good hands once again. 

The surgery itself didn't start until well after 10, because my doctor didn't come in to see us until after 10.  I don't remember much of what he said to us, because I was really starting to get nauseous from nerves.  I was so thankful Ted was there with me, because he kept teasing me and making me laugh.  He is always so calm about everything, so it really helped calm me too.  Shortly after my doctor left the room to go prep for surgery, the surgery nurse came in to bring me to surgery.  Ted kissed me goodbye and went to the waiting room while I was wheeled to surgery. 

The first thing I noticed in the surgery room was how bright and cold it was.  The nurse put some warm blankets on me right away and then helped me scoot over the surgery table.  Then, the anesthesiologist put a mask over my mouth and nose to give me some oxygen and the last thing I remember was him telling me they were starting the anesthesia and it wouldn't take long.  The next thing I knew the room was starting to spin and I could no longer keep my eyes open.

The first thing I remember after surgery is that my throat was so sore and dry (from the breathing tube used during surgery and the fact that I could only breathe through my mouth), I had a huge headache, and it felt like someone had punched me in the nose.  The surgery nurse helped me take some pain medicine and also put some pain medicine through my IV.  I had a hard time keeping my eyes open and the next thing I remember they were wheeling me to a recovery room where Ted was waiting for me.  The pain medicine started making me feel really dizzy, so Ted helped me drink plenty of water.  He asked if the doctor had come to talk to me, but I couldn't honestly remember if he had or not.  Ted said the doctor told him the surgery went well, but it took longer than expected.  It turns out, I had several polyps from chronic allergy problems that he had to clean out in addition to the expected repair of my deviated septum and cleaning out my sinuses.  The doctor was glad he did the surgery, because he said it would really help me breathe better than I have for a long time.  After talking a little while, my eyes started to feel heavy again, so Ted told me to rest while he called my mom to let her know the surgery went well.

I slept for a while and then my nurse brought me some crackers and more water.  I wasn't feeling quite so dizzy so she helped me get up to go to the bathroom.  Then, she helped me sit in the recliner until I was ready to get dressed.  Ted helped me get dressed and then I sat to rest for a little while.  My nurse came back in to give us discharge instructions and it's a good thing Ted was listening, because I could not keep my eyes open.  At one point she teased me that she was putting me to sleep, but reminded me it was normal to feel sleepy from the anesthesia and because I was recovering from surgery. 

Finally, the nurse brought me a wheelchair to bring me to the car while Ted pulled it up to the doors.  On the way home, we stopped at Walgreens to pick up my antibiotics (a preventative measure after surgery and with my heart history) and pain medicine.  He went inside instead of using the drive through so he could get some chicken broth to make chicken noodle soup.  I slept in the car and the next thing I knew we were pulling into our driveway.  He helped me walk into the house and sit down on the couch.  It was almost 4 by the time we got home, so the kids were already up from nap and getting ready to eat a snack with Grandma. 

Valerie was very concerned when she saw the bandage I had around my head to catch the blood drainage from my nose.  Plus, I was pretty out of it, so she just kept staring at me from a distance.  Almanzo, of course, was ready to jump up and say hello right away.  My mom got ready to go home after giving the kids a snack.  (Can I just say I have the BEST mom in the world?  Thanks so much for all your help, Mom!)  I took another 1 1/2 hour nap after Ted made me some mac and cheese.  When I woke up, he helped me change the bandage and made some delicious chicken noodle and rice soup.  He has been taking such good care of me; I am so thankful for him. 

I had a rough night of sleep last night.  It felt like I was trying to sleep with a horrible head cold.  Around 4:30 am, I woke up in so much pain.  I took some pain medicine and thought it would be nice to take a hot shower.  I forgot how dizzy the pain medicine makes me at first...and almost passed out in the shower.  Thankfully, Ted came to my rescue and helped me get dressed and propped up some pillows on the couch so I could sleep better.  I finally got some good sleep and didn't wake up again until 7:30.  I am feeling a little better today, but still sore and tired.  I am thankful it is the weekend, so Ted is home with me and he has been so good to me.  Thank you all who have been praying for me and checking in on me the last few days.  I am so thankful for ALL of you...and, even more, I am so thankful for a God who provided doctors, surgery, and pain medicine to help me finally heal from these sinus problems. 

PS - I hope this makes sense...if it doesn't, I'll blame it on the pain medicine.  It's making me feel a little loopy. Ha!

Thoughts on Christmas Eve

 
And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name." (Luke 1:46-49) 

I came across these verses this morning and was so humbled by the words Mary spoke.  Mary was nobody special really.  She was just a woman who feared the Lord and desired to serve Him, a woman like me who desired to be the woman of faith God created her to be.  She wasn't royalty, she wasn't well known, and she wasn't wealthy.

But, as God has done many times before, He chose the most ordinary person to do something so extraordinary.  Why?  He could have easily chosen a woman of royalty, a woman who was well known, or a woman who was wealthy and powerful.  But, He chose Mary to show the world who He is - a God who cares for each and every one of us, no matter who or where we are, a God who is more worthy than any of us can or will ever be, a God who knows we are a mess and still chooses to love us and save us through His son.

When Mary spoke these words, she realized she wasn't anybody special, but God had chosen her to do great things, not for her own glory, but for His glory.  She realized she was unworthy, but that God was completely worthy.  As 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, His grace is sufficient, more than enough, for me.  I want Mary's prayer to be my prayer - that my very soul and all that is within me would magnify, glorify, and bless His most holy and precious name. 

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 

who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 

who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:1-5

This Christmas is hard on me, because I miss my grandpa so much, but I am so thankful for words of truth like this that remind me of who God is and the hope and joy I can find no matter what.  I am also thankful for sweet friends God has brought to me who listen, encourage, and pray for me, who know just what to say and allow God to use them to speak words of truth and hope to me.  Today, I am rejoicing in God my Savior and holding on to the most precious gift I have ever received, the gift of God's son, who is our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

I would really, really appreciate your prayers today for my uncle, who is undergoing triple bypass surgery right now.  I am thankful for the Great Physician who will guide the hands of the doctors and give my uncle's body strength to heal and be well again.  Please pray also for my aunt, who is scared and worried, but surrounded by so much love and prayers as she waits for the surgery to be over.  As another aunt shared on Facebook, "They are getting a wonderful Christmas present - (they) will still be together and hopefully for a long time."