So I Press On

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I wake from a deep sleep, shaking with tears and the panic remnants of a dream that seemed far too real.  I can't seem to shake it, no matter how tightly my husband holds me in his arms and whispers truth.  I don't understand why the dreams keep coming and why the images haunt me, no matter how much I remind myself it was just a dream.

I try to whisper into the darkness the Truth reminders He has shown me, but the words don't come.  Where are you, Lord? I wonder, grasping for the tiniest evidence that He is here.  As the storm calms in me, I realize that sometimes His presence isn't so obvious.   

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)  

I don't always understand why He doesn't simply stop the storm and sometimes I doubt that He's really there, but I keep pressing in, holding onto hope and remembering the ways He has already proven faithful.  Because hope that is anchored in Him never disappoints.

My writing here has been sporadic, but it's not for lack of words and stories to share.  The past year has been full of sifting and storms I wouldn't wish on anyone.  There are stories my fingers ache to put in writing, but too many of these words are meant to just remain here in my heart or on the pages of my own journal.  And sometimes, in the silence, that's where I find Him, waiting and loving, no matter how much of a mess I am and no matter how many times I've failed.

The quiet is also the place where I find rest, remembering His promises and allowing Him to do the work He wants to do in my heart.  In the wave of seasons of plenty and hardship, there are also seasons of sifting and healing.  Sometimes the healing feels an awful lot like sifting, but I need to let Him enter those places if I want to be truly free.

There are strongholds I've known lie in wait underneath the layers of healing unfolded in my previous seasons of healing, but I wasn't ready to unfold the layers and rediscover what was hidden there.  The dreams that shake and haunt me cause me to wonder and pause...because perhaps He brought me to those places for such a time as this, knowing that it was time for me to enter those memories.

"So, I must press on, fleeing the lies and bondage of sin and running swiftly forward to make His promises my own because He has already made me His own." (Phil 3:12)

In Him, there is power and love and self control to overcome...but I don't always live in those promises.  I must press on, fleeing the lies and bondage that hold me captive...and run swiftly forward to Him and all that He has prepared for me already.  It won't be easy...no part of this life lived in pursuit of His calling and purpose for me is ever meant to be easy...but it is always, always worth it.  

Linking up with Bonnie of Faith Barista

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Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} #3

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You are my hiding place & my shield;

I hope in your word.

(Psalm 119:114)

Does it ever feel like there are times in your life where you are pressed in on every side by storms that threaten to overtake you?   It just feels like one thing after another and before you get a chance to catch a breath, the next wave of storms is upon you. 

David understood this well, especially as he ran for his life from Saul.  He found himself hiding in the wilderness with a sword by his side knowing that at any given moment his life was in danger.  I can't imagine sleeping very well wondering if I'd be able to wake up to a new day. 

But David knew where to find hope: in the God who promised to protect and shelter him from whatever storms came his way.  God alone was his only safe hiding place and God alone would keep him from perishing. 

I love how two different commentaries describe this verse:

Matthew Henry says, "Now God was both these to him, a hiding place to preserve him from danger and a shield to preserve him in danger...Those who depend on God's promises shall have the benefit of His power and be taken under His special protection". 

C.H. Spurgeon explains that "...this life is very viable to storm...from all these storms, the Man Christ Jesus is our Hiding Place...our wisdom is to shelter in that Hiding Place".  

Again, in Psalm 27:5, David writes, "For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock."

Hope in His word is found not just in mere knowledge of what He says, but in the security that comes in knowing the very God who is our Hiding Place. 

So, no matter what storms come my way, I can rest assured that I will not be overcome as long as I trust and hope in the God who promises to protect and keep me.  What a beautiful promise to hold onto through every storm of this life!

I've found myself singing this song by Selah all day as I've meditated on the truth found in this verse:

 

"I rejoice at Your word like one who finds great spoil." (Psalm 119:162)

 

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} #2

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"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him; 

yet I will argue my ways to His face."

(Job 13:15)

The book of Job is not my favorite bible book to read, because, quite frankly, his story is rather depressing.  I can't imagine going through all the trials he endured.  But what amazes me every time I read pieces of Job's story is how he never faltered in trusting God, even when it didn't make sense.  

In the verse I'm focusing on today, Job is confronting his so-called friends after they came attempting to fix all his problems with their own ideas.  Instead of simply offering comfort and love, they "whitewash with lies" and "speak falsley for God".  They had a false view of God's providence, believing only wicked men were afflicted in this world, so, they tried to get Job to confess and repent of his obviously sinful ways.

Matthew Henry says this of Job's friends: 

"They were worthless physicians, who neither understood his case nor knew how to prescribe to him-mere empirics, who pretended to great things, but in conference added nothing to him: he was never the wiser for all they said. Thus to broken hearts and wounded consciences all creatures, without Christ, are physicians of no value, on which one may spend all and be never the better, but rather grow worse."  

In other words, all of their good intentions meant nothing when they were simply reaching for their own wisdom to fix Job's problems.  They may have intended to help him, but their theology was so far off that their attempts to help only made things worse.

The truth is that none of us are really good.  We are all sinners in need of grace and the trials we face in this world are a result of the brokenness of this world.  Individual circumstances are not always a direct consequence of individual sin, so the belief that bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people is inherently wrong.

In this world, even Christians who are on fire for Him and walking rightly with Him will face tribulation.  To our finite human minds, the trials we face make no sense and don't always seem fair.  Job didn't understand why all of this was happening to him and felt like even God was against him, but even so, He chose to trust in Him.

As my husband and I watched the movie "Facing the Giants" again over the weekend, I was struck by this phrase: "We'll praise Him if we win...and we'll praise Him if we lose".  If we choose to only praise God when things are well, we are missing out on so much of what it means to put our faith and trust in Him who knows all our tomorrows and goes before us wherever we may walk.

I love how Chuck Smith put it when he said, "No matter what happens I'm going to serve God.  Though I be stripped; though I be emptied; I'm still going to serve God."  But why and how can we trust Him even though we be stripped bare and completely emptied?  The only way to answer is to look further into His words and the way that Job lived out his faith, even when everything was pressing against him and wearing him down. 

"For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.

And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God,

whom I shall see for myself,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
My heart faints within me!"

(Job 19:25-27)

No matter how hopeless a situation may seem, I can know this, that He who is my redeemer is alive because He paid the ransom and set me free from all my debts.  And because He is alive, I know that one day all my tears and suffering will be no more.  

He will, once and for all, rescue me from the brokenness of this world and make me completely whole.  That is what hope is - to look forward to that which is unseen and yet to unfold, knowing full well that He will do as He promised.  

 

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} #1

 

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"But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is thy faithfulness."

 

(Lamentations 3:21-24)

 

When God gave me the word "hope" this year, I never expected the storms that lie in wait.  I also never expected the way He would find me right in the middle of the rubble.  In the middle of some really hard sifting, I've cried out to Him.  I've doubted, questioned, wrestled...and the more I tossed and turned over circumstances beyond my control, the more hopeless I felt.

 

Jeremiah understood that feeling of hopelessness too.  In this passage, he is looking at the rubble that was once Jerusalem and weeping over the devastation.  I can only imagine how hopeless he must have felt the more he stared at the rubble.  But God is still faithful in the storms.  When all we can see is the rubble and mess, it's so easy to get lost in the darkness of it all. 

 

I find this even more true in motherhood.  It's so easy to become overwhelmed with the never ending to-do lists or undone by the constant need to discipline children who are born with the same sin nature as me.  The more I focus on my circumstances, the more I fail.  And the more I focus on those failures, the more I drown in hopelessness.  It's only when I call to mind the only hope that is sure and steadfast that I can begin to see out of the rubble and remember His goodness. 

 

I love how C.H. Spurgeon explained the real meaning of "hope" found in this passage.  He says that "...in the New Zealand language, the word for hope is 'swimming thought' - the thought that swims when everything else is drowned". 

 

I have a memory from my childhood that I keep bringing to mind.  I was probably around seven or eight and we were swimming at an indoor pool as a family.  I dove underwater and propelled myself across the pool and quickly began to reach for the surface before I ran out of breath.  But instead of breaking through the surface, my head hit something solid and for a moment I panicked. 

 

Every time I remember this, I can feel again the weight of the water and the overwhelming fear that I was drowning.  The solid barrier I had run into was my dad sitting on an inflatable tube.  I don't honestly remember how I got myself back to the surface, but when I did I remember sobbing to my dad that I nearly drowned.  My dad, ignoring the panic and fear in my voice, instead chided me for not paying attention better. 

 

Sometimes the storms of life feel like that moment.  When I least expect it, a wave comes crashing down and pulls me under.  I propel myself to the surface, but, instead of reaching the surface, I hit another storm that pulls me right back under.  I begin to wonder how I could have missed the coming storm, ignoring the inner storm of anxiety making its way to the surface of my mind and heart...and, before I know it, I feel like I'm drowning. 

 

But there is rescue and it comes in the form of the One who is a steady anchor of hope.  When I call out to Him instead of trying to fight my own way to the surface, He reaches out His hand.  It's only then that I realize He has been there all along; I was just paying too much attention to the storm to see Him.   

 

Hope, then, is the One who is steadfast and sure, who never forsakes and never forgets, whose mercies never end and love never fails.  Even when I forget to look up, I still find Him there waiting with fresh mercies and renewed hope...and, oh, what grace is found in that beautiful truth!

 

 

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As promised, anyone who comments on this post will be entered to WIN an e-book copy of Kayse Pratt's newest book, Undivided Mom, a beautiful devotional that will encourage every mom who longs to be fully present and undivided. 

 

 

There Is A Season...

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I wrote these words just over a year ago and I've been thinking on them often lately:

I love everything about autumn: the vibrant colors of leaves losing their summer green, the gentle, cool breeze sweeping through the windows, the smell of pumpkin spice lattes and a steaming bowl of soup...but I know that all too soon winter will come and with it the gloom of darkness. So, today, I am putting on my "armor" and remembering that there is a season for everything and that God has a purpose and plan already mapped our for me. And I'm holding onto this peace, HIS peace, that surpasses understanding. 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (John 14:27)

Our family has been going through a season of sifting lately and it's been hard, so very hard to hold onto hope when I can't see much past today.  I asked a friend the other day if maybe God was wrong in giving me the word HOPE this year, because it just doesn't make sense.  She gently but firmly reminded me that hope isn't defined by our circumstances, but by the God who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He knows what He's doing and He is not surprised by the things that knock us clear off our feet. 

I've gone back and forth with the idea of doing a 31 series for October, but I have felt Him urging me in a different direction.  First, because there is so much sifting going on, there are days I simply need to take a step back from everything and find quiet rest in the stillness of just being here.  I knew if I committed to writing every single day, it would become a chore and I would obsess over it, neglecting my quiet time with Him and my responsibilities here as a wife and mom. 

Second, I don't think just one topic would be enough to write out everything He is doing in my heart in the midst of it all.  When I sit down to write, often I have no idea where my fingers are going to take me as the words spill out.  I always feel refreshed when I simply write, without an agenda or deadline.  Sometimes I need structure to motivate me to write when it's hard, but too much structure can suffocate my writing. 

Third, I don't want to just write for the month of October.  I want to write and write and write, whenever the words come and I find myself here staring at a blank screen.  But, I also want to write more than just a few blog posts.  I still have a dream to put my words into a book and if I ever want to finish the one I already began, I need to give that writing priority over writing here.  So, some days I will write here and some days I will write there, but always I want to simply write. 

With all that said, I do have a few plans for my writing here for the next few months, but it will be much less structured than a 31 day series.  I have a few mini series I want to either start or continue and I look forward to sharing them with whoever comes to read my words. 

Living Gluten Free - I wrote an introduction of this topic with promises of continuing writing about my journey of gluten free living, but I have yet to follow through.  I'm going to continue this mini series once a week on Thursdays with no specific end date in mind.  I will simply write until I feel like the series is complete. 

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} - It may only be fall here, but the way our lives have been rocked by some really hard stuff, it feels like we're almost in the middle of another winter already.  I know that the only way to wade through the storm without drowning is to hold onto the only anchor that is firm and secure and that is HOPE.  I will share this mini-series on Mondays, focusing on what it means to hold onto hope, but it won't begin until October 14.  I have a fun book launch to share with all of you next Monday (October 7) written by a blogging friend who has become dear to me on a topic that echoes my own heart's desires. 

{Back to School, Back to Writing} - I participated in several of Creative Soul's daily writing prompts for the month of September, but there are some I never got a chance to write.  I'm going to continue sharing some of these on Fridays. 

{Back to Basics} A Walk Through Ephesians - I mentioned on facebook the idea of writing a series on the book of Ephesians, because it's the first book of the bible that I really studied in depth and it has been integral to my walk with Him.  I'm going to share this series on Tuesdays starting sometime later in the month.  I want to take some time to really dig through these truths again before sharing my thoughts and some challenges from His words here. 

And, of course, occasionally there will be stand alone posts that simply speak my heart whenever I need to just write. So, that's the plan, but it's only tentative.  I look forward to sharing more of my heart with each of you here.

 

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #6

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I Am... 

Beautiful

"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 

(1 Peter 3:3-4)

It's taken me a long time to be confident in the physical body God has given me.  I have struggled with my weight and the imperfect flaws of this earthly body of mine, but now, as I watch my daughter grow, I want to know and believe the truth about beauty so I can teach her.  The problem isn't the way I look, but the way my heart understands beauty.  

My husband and I have had numerous discussions about what it means to dress modestly and how to make the right choices about fashion, makeup, and hair as we raise our daughter.  The trouble with making these decisions as a parent is making sure we are not simply making rules for our daughter to follow.  If all our emphasis in parenting is on outward obedience, we are simply teaching her to be a Pharisee, putting on an appearance of righteousness, when inwardly she is full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. 

Outward obedience still has its place, but our obedience needs to flow from a heart that delights in Him and in His law.  For, when all outward appearances fade away, what is left?  It will either be a cold and sin-filled heart or a heart after His own heart.

This is where we can begin to understand true beauty, because, as 1 Peter says, beauty comes from the inner self.  Beauty that doesn't fade away when our earthly flesh returns to dust is of greater worth in His eyes than a perfectly adorned appearance.  And what is that beauty?  Unfading beauty comes from a meek and quiet spirit void of passion, pride, or immoderate anger.  And, as Proverbs 31:30 says, the fear of the Lord is more precious than outward charm or beauty.

The mention of braided hair, gold jewelry, and fine clothes in 1 Peter is often misunderstood or simply looked over.  It's important to understand the context in order to know exactly what Peter meant when he wrote these words.  Matthew Henry's commentary explains that braided or pleated hair was worn by lewd women and gold jewelry were the chief attire of harlots.  He goes on to explain that when you are proud or 'puffed up', dressing with the sole purpose of alluring or tempting others, imitating both the levity and vanity of the worst people you become like them.  "The attire of a harlot can never become a chaste Christian matron" (Matthew Henry). 

So, the verse from 1 Peter 3 calls us to put on a more excellent adornment, a soul that is both beautiful and lovely because it has been changed by Him.  I love the words of Isaiah 61:10 - "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful head dress and a bride adorns herself with jewels."  Beauty is not about appearances; it's about the heart, and a heart that has been changed by the blood of Christ is the most beautiful of all. 

***

Join me tomorrow as I continue this discussion about beauty and obedience with a post I've been contemplating today via Facebook about what we wear to church.  There's been a great discussion over at my personal facebook page, but you can join in by adding your thoughts on my blog facebook page.  I'm looking forward to collaborating these thoughts and processing it all to share in a blog post here. 

 

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #5

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I Am... 

Satisfied

"For he satisfies the longing soul,

and the hungry soul he fills with good things."

(Psalm 107:9) 

***

I began digging into this Truth weeks ago, but there's a reason it has taken me so long to post it.  Besides the simple busy-ness of summer and raising little ones, I needed to sit and soak up this Truth before my heart could get it and my soul could believe it.  Some Truths just take longer to penetrate the lies and doubts fighting to overpower all my thoughts. 

So, I waited and I wondered and I wrestled.  I know what His Words say about being satisfied in Him, but how do I claim it and really believe it with all my heart and mind and soul?  My thoughts were at war within as I made the drive to a sweet friend's house and a gathering of creative souls. 

I tried to quiet the storm with music, but I couldn't find the rhythm and lyrics I needed no matter how many times I scanned and flipped through station after station.  I prayed for peace, but somehow, the quiet solitude just felt too loud.  It wasn't until I stepped out of my car and into her home that I could finally breath it all out...and find the renewal I so desperately needed.

I can't wait to write more, because the words flowed out of my heart in such a soul detoxing frenzy this weekend and it is nothing short of amazing.  But, for today, I want to dig into what it really means to be satisfied, because I can finally say with confidence that it is well with my soul and it's all because of Him. 

***

It's easy to look around at the mess of laundry, dishes, and toys scattered about the two bedroom home we are outgrowing and become dissatisfied with it all.  I long for the energy and time and motivation to do it all...and for our dream house with four bedrooms and plenty of room for our family to grow and to welcome friends and family to be our guests.  I compare and contrast and somehow I always seem to fall short. 

Why can't I be satisfied with the gifts and blessings I have that are already far more than I deserve?  The answer, obviously, lies in the words of Psalm 107, but sometimes the obvious is the hardest Truth to claim.  He alone satisfies the longing soul, but far too often I look in all the wrong places, leaving me more and more disappointed and discontent. 

"Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food."

Isaiah 55:2

Taste and see that He is good, because He is, He was, and He always will be good.  The more I dig into His Truth and fill my heart with His rich food that delights and nourishes, the more I know and believe I desperately need Him and the more I find that He supplies every single one of my needs...and so much more.  I love what Charles Spurgeon says of this:

"Come, then, brethren, and look down into this great gulf of need, and exultingly say, 'O Lord, we thank thee that our needs are great, for there is more room for thy love, thy tenderness, thy power, thy faithfulness, to fill the chasm."

He will satisfy all our soul's desires, but only when we go to Him, running head first into arms of love waiting to embrace us right where we are.  No matter what your struggle, no matter what your circumstances, no matter how far you've strayed, no matter how much you doubt...He is calling your name, tenderly and faithfully ready to fill you to overflowing...if only you will go to Him.  

 Join me on Mondays on a journey to discover and take hold of the truth of who we are in Him. 

 

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #4

I Am... 

Free 

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"For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."

(Romans 8:2) 

"For freedom Christ has set you free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery."

(Galatians 5:1)

We are in the process of trying to sell our house and Sunday morning we had another open house.  Last week I was really struggling.  I was tired from being up all night far too often with a teething baby and just feeling worn out and defeated.  I struggled to find the motivation to keep up with the every day things like laundry and dishes and cleaning up mess after mess after mess...when all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep for eight hours straight without interruption.  By Thursday night, I begged my husband to stay home in the evening instead of go on his daily training bike ride.

I cried as he held me until the words came and one word summed it all up - I wondered how I could ever be good enough.  I told him about all the times just that day that I had fallen short, losing my temper, lacking patience, speaking words that hurt instead of encouraged.  He looked me in the eyes and said, "you are a good mom".  Before I could argue, he reminded me of all the things I've done right and, most importantly, of the One who gives me sufficient grace and strength for every one of the times I fail and how His mercies are new every single morning. 

Twice more this weekend, completely out of the blue, two more people spoke those same words to me - "you are such a good mom, Steph".  Today, as I opened up His words and prayed for Him to speak to my heart and show me who He says I am in Him, I thought of those words and wondered if I could really believe them.  I know far better than even my husband does how many times I fail as a mom and I am my own worst critic.  But, as I read these words from Romans and Galatians, I was reminded that what He did on the cross freed me from the bondage of every single one of my sins.  Yes, I am still living in the flesh and my flesh is sinful, but in Him that sin nature is powerless to defeat me, because He gives power to overcome and He set me free to walk in freedom.  

One commentary I read put it this way: "The law of sin and death was a strong and seemingly absolute law.  Every sin we commit and every cemetery we see proves it. But the law of the Spirit of life in Christ is stronger still..."  I know I am not perfect and I never will be as long as I walk in this body of sin, but I do know the One who calls me to freedom and whose strength is enough to overcome any sin that still holds me in bondage.

The reality is that those chains I still walk around carrying are no longer locked secure and tight, but my "old master" wants me to believe that I am still a slave.  John 8:36 says that "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."  It doesn't say, "He sets you free...except for that one sin you can never overcome."  No, His truth sets you free once and for all and His grace covers it all.  

So, instead of believing the lie that I will never be a good enough mom, I am holding on to the truth today that His grace is sufficient and that He has called me to stand firm in the freedom He has called me to.  Freedom was bought with a great price, but how often do I take that for granted?  Every time I "submit again to a yoke of slavery", struggling to free myself, I only become more entangled in the very sin I am set free from by His great sacrifice.  I will never be a perfect mom, but I can be a good mom, by the grace of God and in the strength and power of His freedom - and that truth is more than enough. 

Join me on Mondays on a journey to discover and take hold of the truth of who we are in Him. 


 

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #3

I Am...

Loved

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Thus says, the Lord: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the LORD appeared to him from far away. 

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."

(Jeremiah 31:2-3) 

When my husband and I began dating, I had only recently been heartbroken by a long relationship.  I had often watched my friends in middle school and high school pairing off and wondered when it would be my turn.  I had even wondered if I would ever be loved...or if I was simply unlovable or unworthy of love.  But my senior year of high school I met a boy who held my heart for the next three and a half years. 

Every time he whispered "I love you", I imagined our happily ever after and was convinced that he was the one.  We had even begun talking about getting married...until the day he broke my heart.  I spent that summer before my senior year of college completely and totally devastated, feeling lost and alone and vulnerable...wondering what love was if it only left me empty and broken.

I learned that summer to cling to Christ, remembering that His love was the only love that never failed and falling in love with Him through His words and the prayers and encouragement of some dear friends.  I began to let go of my carefully laid out plans to lean on Him and trust in His good and perfect plans for my life. 

And then I met the man who would become my husband.  I began to fall in love again, but I also wanted desperately to guard my heart, afraid I would be let down once again.  I wondered what a love that lasts til death do us part was really like...and if I was really worth that kind of love.  I would pull him in...only to push him away as the fear of a still wounded heart threatened to take over. 

We had been dating a year when he told me he didn't love me.  I was furious...mostly because it was my biggest fear: that I would never be loved.  Once I let my emotions cool down and prayed for God's wisdom and guidance, I listened as he explained that love was a choice to put the other person first and to be willing to love like Christ loved the church.  He knew that love was not some fairy tale happily ever after, but a deep and abiding commitment.  And he wanted to be sure he was ready to make that choice before he spoke those three words to me.

But, the thing is...even the deep and abiding commitment of marriage is not perfect and it will never fully satisfy our deepest longing to be loved.  We both have our faults and drive each other crazy.  We fight and argue and let each other down.  No matter how hard we each try, we cannot offer each other the kind of love our souls crave.  That kind of love - a love that is unfailing and steadfast - can only come from God, because He is the only one who will never disappoint and never let go. 

Jeremiah 31:2-3 was written for the people of Israel who had endured the "sword" of Pharaoh as he cut off all male children at birth and threatened to cut them off at the Red Sea.  They had wandered in the wilderness and in a strange land.  Yet, through all these hardships and no matter how many times Israel turned its back on God, He did not give up or forget them.  Matthew Henry says that God showed them "His peculiar favor" in a love that is steadfast and enduring. 

The same promise is ours through Christ.  No matter how many storms we endure or how often we too wander in the wilderness, His love remains.  His love is not only an ancient love, spoken to the Jews as His chosen people, but an everlasting love that is constant and never changes.  Charles Spurgeon explains this love so beautifully, when he writes about the confidence had by great men and women of faith:

"They did not speak of Christ's love as though it were a myth to be respected, a tradition to be revered; they viewed it as a blessed reality, and they cast their whole confidence in it, being persuaded that it would bear them up as upon eagle's wings and carry them all their days; resting assured that it would be to them a foundation of rock, against which the waves might beat, and the winds blow, but their soul's habitation would stand securely if founded upon it."

Romans 8:38-39 further explains that there really is nothing, not even death, that can separate us from His love.  Why?  Because Christ is the ground of the steadfastness of His love and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He is both unchanging and unfailing.  

Another commentary shared the story of Mr. Hugh Kennedy, a respected and revered Christian man who, on his death bed, called for a bible to be opened to these words from Romans 8:38 - "I am persuaded that neither death nor life".  He held his finger pointed at these words and told his children, just before breathing his last, 

"Now, God be with you, my children; I have breakfasted with you and shall sup with my Lord Jesus Christ this night."  

Behold, what manner of love is this, to claim His love for us with such confidence!  That is what it means to be really, truly, and completely loved. 

Join me on Mondays on a journey to discover and take hold of the truth of who we are in Him.

 

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #2

 I Am...

Approved

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"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? 

Or am I trying to please man? 

If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."

(Galatians 1:10)

I am a recovering people-pleaser.  I have spent far too much time and energy seeking the favor and acceptance of others, often at the sake of my own sanity.  I have pursued friendships that were unhealthy, ignoring the warning signs, forgetting with every misstep and fall that Whose I am is far more important that what any one person says or even thinks of me. 

It's a lie I've had to fight over and over, keeping a firm grip on the sword of truth and clinging to His promises every step of the battle.  The desire to be loved and accepted was placed in man from the beginning, but it can only be fully satisfied in the One who gave us this desire.  Galatians 1:10 says that we have a choice to seek either the approval of man or God.  But only when we choose to delight in Him can we expect joy and peace in abundance.  We can exhaust our all trying to seek the approval of man only to be disappointed time and time again. 

But in Christ, we are wholly accepted, approved, and justified.  The word approved in Galatians 1:10 also means allowed, examined, tried, deemed worthy.  Oh, how often I have wondered if I can ever be a "good enough" mom, wife, friend, daughter.  And the truth is that I'm not "good enough"...standing alone on my own righteousness.  But when I claim His gift so freely offered in Christ, I can be deemed worthy.  Not on my own righteousness, but standing on the promises of Christ my King, I am enough.

Matthew Henry's commentary explained it this way: "No man can serve two masters so we dare not gratify men at the expense of faithfulness to Christ."  While the truth that I am wholly accepted in Christ is beautifully freeing, it is also convicting and humbling to remember that when I continue to worry about what other people think of me I am making a choice to follow the world instead of Christ.   When I continually seek the approval of man, even when I know how wrong it is, I am both denying His favor and forfeiting His promises.

In Christ, we are set free from the bondage of sin...so why would we choose to continue walking in bondage?  "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)  Each day I must make a choice: to walk in bondage or embrace His freedom.  But even as I make that choice, Satan desires to make a stumbling block, to hinder me from obtaining the prize He has set before me.  So, I must press on, fleeing the lies and bondage of sin and running swiftly forward to make His promises my own because He has already made me His own (Phil 3:12). 

Join me on Mondays on a journey to discover and take hold of the truth of who we are in Him.

{Truth Reminders} Whose I Am #1

I Am...

His Workmanship

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 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

(Ephesians 2:10)

***

Introduction

When I look into the mirror, it's easy to see all my flaws - the wrinkles on my forehead, the freckles from even a little bit of sun exposure, the one eyelid that droops whenever my eyes are open, the birthmark still occasionally noticeable on the side of my face, the discolored teeth from years of dental work.  I frown at my flawed appearance and new wrinkles appear around my eyes, soon to be permanently etched on my face if I continue to see myself with eyes of flesh...instead of the eyes of faith in the One who fearfully and wonderfully made me with a beautiful purpose in mind. 

But, how do I see myself as He does...unless my eyes are fixed on the truths He mirrored with His life and wrote down on the pages of the bible collecting dust on my nightstand?

Today, I'm beginning a journey to claim for myself the truths He has written for me of who I am in Him.  Because, the only way to concur the lies the mirror on the wall exposes is to take hold of His words and whisper them over and over until they are permanently etched on my heart.  Won't you join me...to know and believe the truths He has written for you?

***

Whose I Am #1: His Workmanship

I remember sitting in the hard wooden chairs of a college classroom listening to my philosophy professor leading a discussion about the basic human questions we all have.  The question "Who am I?" rattled around in my mind long after the class discussion had commenced and I began to wonder how I could really know the answer to that question beyond mere musings and wanderings of my own mind.  I wrote down my answer to the best of my ability to pass the class...but how do I find and claim the real answer that matters for all eternity?

I lift my eyes up to the only One who really knows all the answers and listen for His still, small voice to calm the storm of wondering in my mind and heal the broken pieces of lies I've believed about myself for far too long.  He leads me to His words, right in the middle of a book He used in the midst of my college days to grow me and change me into the new creation He meant me to be.  I can still picture my friend, Regan, speaking these words from memory, verse after verse, with such passion and emotion.  I had never before heard His words spoken so beautifully and tenderly.  As I listened, I was filled with a deep longing for more and God satisfied my desire with bold preaching and wise teaching week after week. 

Years later, I need to return to those truths, to take hold of who He says I am, once and for all.  And so, I read the words of Ephesians 2:10 and remember that He desires not only to save me from sin but to make something beautiful in me.  The word "workmanship" here is the Greek word, "poiema", meaning a work of art of a beautiful poem.  God desires to take me just as I am, broken pieces and all, and create a beautiful work of art in my life...not because I am good or even worth it, but because He loves and He gives freely and without conditions.  

I love how David Guzik's commentary explains this truth:

"God's love is a transforming love.  It meets us right where we are at, but when we receive this love it always takes us where we should be going.  The love of God that saves my soul will also change my life."

His love captivates and frees, creating beauty out of my mess, because even before His hands carefully crafted me in the secret of my mother's womb, He knew what He wanted to accomplish in me.  No matter how much I fall short and wander away, He can and will take my life and make me new.

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)

"for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."  (2 Corinthians 5:17)

***

You're Invited!

Join me on Mondays on a journey to discover and take hold of the truth of who we are in Him. 

 

Pursued With A Relentless Love

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Last week was rough, which is, in fact, the understatement of the year.  My husband was away on a business trip from Sunday through Friday, which is not a normal occurrence.  I packed the van with everything but the kitchen sink for a week at my parent's house, because there was no way I was single-parenting three kids on my own. 

The first night, I wrestled two over-tired kids into bed one-handed while bouncing the littlest one on my knee lest his own tired whimpers become full on screams.  My husband called in the middle of the bed time routine and I made the mistake of putting him on speaker phone so the kids could hear his voice.  After the phone call was finished, I tucked them in, kissed them good night, and curled up on the living room couch to nurse a now over-tired baby.  Not even five minutes later, I heard crying for daddy from our three year old and a distressed four year old begging mommy to help her sad little brother.  

That was just the beginning of a week spent drying tears, breaking up fights, dealing with epic temper tantrums, and disciplining one disobedient act after another all while running on constant doses of coffee to keep my sleep deprived self from falling asleep standing up.  By the end of the week, I felt like a complete and total failure.  All three kids finally fell asleep within minutes of the drive home on Friday, while I fought to keep my own eyes open and counted down the hours until I could collapse into the arms of my husband.  

Once he was home, I couldn't seem to put into words just how hard the week had been.  I wanted to forget it all and simply relish in the joy that he was home, but I couldn't shake the feelings of failure.  I finally sat in his arms Sunday night and whispered, "I just felt like no matter how hard I tried all week, I just wasn't good enough."  Plain and simple - the kids wanted their daddy and, as much as they loved me, and as hard as I tried to meet their needs, I couldn't fill their need for daddy. 

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized that this is exactly how I feel a lot in my relationship with Him.  No matter how many times I read His words and soak up His truths, I always seem to struggle with being good enough.  It was in voicing this fear out loud that I realized - I won't ever be good enough...and that's the point.  

Why can't I seem to grasp how deep and wide is His grace?  It's that lie I've believed for far too long - that somehow I have to earn His favor, to do enough or be good enough.  But the truth is, I can never earn His favor, no matter how long or how hard I try.  Grace is simply this: a gift of undeserved favor freely given.

"For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. 

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." 

(John 1:16-17)

I call myself Girl of Grace, but too often I struggle to fully embrace the fullness of His grace.  But, maybe that's the point too.  Because when I come to the end of myself, exhausting all my efforts, leaving me completely empty...I can finally surrender and grab hold of His grace that is all sufficient and more than enough.  For when I am weak, He is strong.  

Yesterday, as I studied the day's passage from my study of Luke with Good Morning Girls, I was struck by how relentlessly God pursues even one lost sheep.  There may be ninety-nine sheep safely grazing in green pastures, but He will seek and find that one lost sheep no matter how long it takes or how hard it is to find it.  And again, this morning, as I read the story of the lost coins, I was reminded that, as Matthew Henry says, the lost coin had little value as does one sinful man...and yet, God still pursues that one lost "coin" and rejoices when it is found.  

"But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, 
His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; 
and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination 
that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him." 

(C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

Perhaps C.S. Lewis explains this mystery of grace even better when he says how God is quite relentless in His pursuit of us, "at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him".  And that cost?  It was death on a cross, a death that was meant for sinful man but bore on the shoulders of the only sinless "man", who was really God in the flesh.  For, even while we were yet sinners, He died for us.  That picture of grace...the fact that, even though we reject Him and even run the other way, He still chose to give Himself as a sacrifice once and for all.  He saw everyone of my faults, every time I stray, every way I fall short...and He still loved me and chose to pursue me with such a beautiful, relentless love. 

As I continue to process the truth and magnitude of His most precious gift of grace, I've been challenged that instead of looking at all the ways I fall short and focusing on how not good enough I am, I need to instead fix my eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of my faith.  I want to grab hold and embrace all His promises, to see who I am in Him instead of who I am in the flesh.  And so, I am going to begin a series of posts here on Monday mornings called {Truth Reminders} Whose I Am where I will write through the process of uncovering and claiming the truths of who I am in Him.  Will you join me?