On Weakness & All Sufficient Grace

I've been struggling with devotions lately.  My youngest just turned one and she is just always on the go.  Between chasing after her, keeping my two year old out of trouble, and everything else that keeps a mom of four on her toes constantly, there's just not a lot of time for me to dig in deep to the Word.

I'm very much an all or nothing person and I am not a risk taker - if there's any chance of failure I'm likely to avoid it all together.  I'm working on this, but it's still a battle.

I had a long talk with a friend recently about the changing seasons in life and how hard it is to adjust sometimes.  Every time I figure out a routine, my kids grow and change and the seasons come and go.  I know I need God's Words to get me through every day, but I struggle with the where, how, and when.

As we talked, my friend suddenly looked at me gently and told me something that was so incredibly freeing: you're not a bad Christian if you don't read and study your bible every day. 

I'm a rule follower and sometimes my Christian walk becomes very legalistic if I'm not careful.  I think that I have to do and act and perform a certain way in order to be good enough, but, the reality is, none of us are good enough.  I am not good enough.

But when I am weak, then I am strong.

When Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 about God's all sufficient grace, he begins by talking about himself in the third person.  There was a lot of boasting going on in the early church about great spiritual experiences.  Paul is frustrated with it all and, as much as he doesn't want to, he tells a story about a man (who is really himself) who was caught up to heaven and saw and heard incredible things.

To keep him from becoming conceited about this great revelation, God gives him a thorn.  It doesn't matter what the thorn is - it simply represents something painful, a weakness of some sort that is hard.  My ESV bible says of these verses that "Paul's earthly weaknesses, not his revelations, are to be the platform for demonstrating the Lord's power and grace."

Paul goes on to say that he is content with weakness.  Our pastor explained that the word used here for "content" is the same word used when God says at Jesus' baptism, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased."  That is incredible to me.  I can't say that my response to my own trials and struggles has ever been the same.

But the reason Paul can be content with weakness is because of grace.  Weakness is humbling and keeps us from thinking we're better than anyone else.  It also makes us realize we cannot do anything on our own.  His grace is magnified more in our trials.  When we are at our worst, with no where else to turn, what is left?  Grace.  And it is more than enough.

I'm grateful for my friend's gentle words, for God's grace that is more than sufficient...and for bible study like If:Equip that allows me to spend just ten minutes in His word wherever I am.  On the recommendation of my friend, I begin the study of Nehemiah this week.  I had to remind myself yesterday that I didn't need to do a deep theological analysis of the passage.  I like to dig deep, but right now is not the season for that.  It was so freeing to know I didn't have to do it either, but that I get to and I want to.

So, instead, I simply read the passage, listened to the minute and a half video, read a few comments, and jotted a few notes in my journal.  And I was amazed at how God revealed Himself to me and honored my faithfulness...in the same way He honored Nehemiah's faithfulness.

Nehemiah was broken, so broken, so broken that he couldn't hide it from the king any longer.  The king asks and he's afraid...and I wonder if this is because he's going to have to expose his heart to answer this question.  That's a really hard thing to do, because you never know how others will respond and it's just very vulnerable.

Before Nehemiah answers the king though, he prays.  He spent four whole days praying in chapter one, but he still knows he needs to seek God's wisdom and guidance first.  That is incredible faithfulness.

It also strikes me that Nehemiah respected his position as cup bearer - a hugely important role because it was crucial to the king's safety.  When he heard the walls of Jerusalem were broken and its gates on fire, he didn't just abandon his post to try to fix the problem on his own.  He prayed and he waited for the right timing.  And when the time was right, he told the king why he was sad, made a request of the king, and even promised to return once the city was rebuilt.

God has a unique call for each of us and, in whatever we are called to do, no matter how mundane or ordinary, there is great honor in doing the work we are called to do.  There is also great honor in following God's leading instead of our own plans.

 

All Things New

 
I am so ready for spring.  As a Midwestern girl, this time of year is really hard.  The dark and cold of winter just seems to never end and I find myself dragging my feet to get out of bed...when I would really just rather stay there and hibernate until the sun shines and the grass is green again. 

As I read the words of Isaiah 43:19 today, I couldn't help wondering if the Israelites doubted God's promise that spring would really come.  It's so hard to believe every little thing is going to be okay, when you're stuck in the middle of a cold, dark winter.  Waiting is not my strong suit. 

But as I dug deeper into these words, I realized there's more to it than hiding or waiting.  Without winter, there wouldn't be spring.  All the seasons would just meld together into one and we would miss the beauty of each new season and the good God can bring despite the weather and the circumstances that surround us.  Because it's not just the ground outside that needs to thaw; my frozen heart needs the relieving thaw of spring that is only found in the One who makes all things new. 

David Guzik cautions that "staying stuck in the past can keep us from the new thing God wants to do".  I write here a lot about some of the hard things I've endured and, while it's good to remember how far I've come and not forget the way God made beauty out of ashes, it can all become a stronghold if I don't allow God to keep moving me forward.  "Though former mercies must not be forgotten, fresh mercies must in a special manner be improved...And will you not own God's hand in it?" (Matthew Henry)

This week began the season of Lent, a season of fasting and self-denial observed by many Christians in the days preceding Easter Sunday each year.  I've been struggling to be focused and committed to time spent in His word, so I decided to remove one of my biggest distractions - my Facebook app on my phone and my Kindle.  It's amazing how freeing it is to not be "connected" all the time and to realize just how much free time I really do have. 

Still, today was a struggle.  I should have expected that after two days of long, quiet nap times where my heart was open and ready to receive His words and my mind was undivided, there was bound to be a day where everything seemed to fall apart.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but, in reality, I chose to have a bad attitude from the start.  I could name a million excuses for why my mood was gloomy, but that doesn't make it right.  By the time nap time came, I had already lost my temper with my boys more than once and my mind was reeling with to do lists and schedules.  I really didn't want to take the time to go to Him, because, frankly, I knew I was a mess and I wasn't ready to get over myself. 

I ended up spending nap time trying to calm a fussy teething baby and made the bad decision of taking all four kids to Walmart after school to pick out a present for their daddy's birthday and to spend their hard earned chore money.  I should have known better, but I kept marching forward, determined to finish what I started.  Needless to say, we were all a mess by the time we got home.

When my husband arrived home, I melted onto the kitchen floor in hot, angry tears. My words came out as accusations towards him, but, really, I was mad at myself.  Like Paul says in his letter to the Romans, I do not do the things I want to do but instead do the things I do not want to do. I am frustrated at how many times I find myself back here, knees bent, head down, tears pouring.  As today's She Reads Truth devotion says, "On our own we are diametrically opposed to the way of Christ and when given the chance to be selfish or selfless, we choose selfish every time."

This Lenten study is breaking me.  I keep coming face to face with my own depravity...and, yet, He continues to pursue me relentlessly.  I know that as long as I walk this earth, I will have to battle my flesh, but I'm so grateful to know it's not a hopeless battle.  So tonight, as I sit here in the quiet after a day full of chaos, I'm laying it all at His feet and asking Him to continue the work He began in me. 

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that in Christ we are a new creation.  The word for creation used here means to bring into being something that has not existed before.  Only God the CREATOR can do this new thing.  That is the hope I hold onto on the hard days, knowing that His mercy is new every morning and that, on the day I reach the final page of His story for my life, He will make all things new.

 

The Real Power of Prayer

"Momma said there would be hard days..." or so the saying goes.  I've heard this often lately and it seems to be a running theme in my life.  Just when I think I've made it through one battle, another one surfaces. 

My husband teases me that everything I write and talk about is always gloom and doom, that I tend to focus on and make a bigger deal of every little hard thing.  Part of it is my personality - I feel things deeply and my mind is a steal trap for emotions and anxieties.  I have a hard time remembering what day it is, but I can bring to mind a long ago memory and still feel the depth of emotions as if it was happening right now. 

I think a bigger part of it is also a stronghold in my life.  Emotions are not a bad thing, but when I allow them to define me, they can easily become both an idol and a stumbling block. 

I've been sitting here pondering prayer, as our school family is dedicating this day to pray for some really hard battles among us.  We ask for prayer at the drop of a hat and recite a few words quickly before a meal, but what does it really mean to pray without ceasing?

We say that there is power in prayer and that prayer is our best defense when there is nothing else we can do, but does that mean that God is not in control and that we can somehow change the future if we pray hard enough? 

My thoughts are a mess.  One minute I'm really living in gratitude, soaking up the mundane moments of every day living...and, in an instant, without any warning, I feel the weight of battles holding me down. 

I prepare lunch and wonder if my son will eat what I've made and how to unravel the fears that have built a wall around him.  I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet, because WHY is this happening now?  And what of the rash and pain from food that only seems to get worse and more confusing.  I don't know where to go from here.

I open up Facebook while slowly sipping my coffee, a smile on my face, because once, finally, there is no Sunday morning battle to get everyone out of bed and out the door on time.  And then I'm broadsided by a friend's battle that has once again reared its horrible head and it's bad, really bad.  I remember the day doctors first found the tumor in her brain and the words of pure faith despite the unknown she told me then...but still I wonder why.

I listen to a friend share the struggle of her own battleground, the ashes still scattered in the place they called home and they're still wondering how to pick up the pieces.  I hear the pain in her voice and I wonder what the purpose could possibly be in all of this. 

And then we ask for prayer - pray for me, pray for her, pray for this situation, pray for peace, pray for healing...but does it matter?  If God already knows our deepest cries and, even more, has already numbered our days, what good is one little prayer going to do?

Our friend and pastor visits our church on a weekend away from the new journey his family has embarked on and I soaked up every word of his sermon.  It's like God is not just listening, but speaking directly into the cracks and crevices of my heart.  Prayer is not just about voicing our needs, he says, but about rejoicing in the goodness of God.  Prayer reorients our hearts to be more like His.

"We do not pray to God to instruct him as to what he ought to do, neither for a moment must we presume to dictate the line of the divine procedure. We are permitted to say unto God, "Thus and thus would we have it," but we must evermore add, "But, seeing that we are ignorant and may be mistaken-seeing that we are still in the flesh, and, therefore, may be actuated by carnal motives-not as we will, but as thou wilt."" (C.H. Spurgeon)

Prayer should never be a chore either, our friend and pastor reminds us, lest we forget the privilege and gift it is to come unveiled before a holy and mighty God. Prayer is mercy and grace poured out through the blood of Christ.  When the battle is upon us and we wonder why, prayer is our communion with the One who knows and listens and is always waiting for us to run straight into His sanctuary. 

"True prayer is not a mere mental exercise, nor a vocal performance, but it is deeper far than that-it is spiritual commerce with the Creator of heaven and earth." (C.H. Spurgeon)

Isn't that amazing?  Read that over again and let it sink into your heart, because it really is a beautiful truth.

But what about interceding for others? We say prayer is a powerful thing and we are amazed when we see people coming together to pray for the same thing and even more amazed when we see Him answer our prayers in a mighty way.  But what of the "others" who have no one to lift their great needs in prayer?  Does having an army of friends and family you can call on to pray with you mean the need will be met in a bigger way?  Does not having an army of friends and family to intercede for you mean your prayers don't hold as much weight and won't be answered as readily?

Prayer doesn't hold the power to change God's mind or alter His plans.  Prayer sets aside our ways so we can better see His ways.  Watching an army of believers pray for the same need is amazing, but it's not because the volume of their prayers can pound harder at heaven's gates. 

Galatians 6:2 says we should bear one another's burdens in obedience to Him.  When Jesus walked this earth, He gave a new commandment that was greater than the stone tablet Moses once carried down the mount.  We are called, above all else, to love one another, so, bearing one another's burdens is a way for the body of Christ, through prayer, to lighten the loads we each carry. 

Matthew Henry says that the command in Galatians 6:2 is meant to direct us "to sympathize with one another under the various trials and troubles that we may meet with, and to be ready to afford each other the comfort and counsel, the help and assistance, which our circumstances may require".  This is what it means to really be the body of Christ. 

For those in the trenches of battle, knowing that others are lifting their needs up in prayer is both a relief and encouragement.  It is a reminder that we do not walk alone and it is encouragement needed to keep walking forward.  It is the hands and feet of Christ at work in our individual lives. 

So, today, will you join with the body of Christ and lighten the load of life's hard battles through steadfast and fervent prayer?  Please share your own prayer needs here and let's bear one another's burdens. 



 

When Motherhood Is Like Whack-A-Mole

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These newborn days are hard. Just being a mom is hard enough, but multiplying it by four with two school age kids who have a love/hate relationship with each other...and apparently also with obedience, one almost "terrible two" year old toddler, and a nursing newborn is just plain exhausting most days. Some days I am ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I know so many moms who say the same thing, but in the middle of the trenches and the heat of battle, I forget that I'm not alone in this. 

Last night was one of those moments. My husband left for a bike ride and I was finishing a haircut for my four year old. My toddler had begged for his first haircut too so both boys were covered in tiny hair trimmings. I decided they would both take a bath downstairs while my five year old insisted she take a bath upstairs. I thought for a moment that all was well as I sat down to nurse a hungry baby...until everything fell apart.

I don't even know exactly how it all went down, but by the time my hubby walked in the door, disaster had struck. In a matter of minutes the kids had made a flooded mess of both bathrooms, I had dinner half cooked and unattended on the stove, there were coloring supplies mixed with spilled milk all over the table...and I was sitting on the floor sobbing with a still hungry and restless baby crying in my arms while the three big kids ran wild in the house making as many messes and noise as possible.  

Later, when the battle had stilled both in our home and in me, I finally found words to speak my heart to my husband. He listened in the quiet of four sleeping kids. And as we talked, we both cleared the air of the cloud of chaos that came from so many changes. 

He told me how frustrated he was at work lately and described it like trying to play a game of Whack-A-Mole. Just when he gets one problem solved and settled, another one pops up and he's in a constant back and forth from one challenge to the next. 

"That's how I feel!" I declared as I practically leapt off the couch. It was exactly what I was battling but couldn't put into words. 

These days are spent holding onto that foam mallet waiting for that darn mole to pop up and just when I think I've succeeded in defeating him, he pops up from another hole. I can't ever seem to get ahead of the mountain of laundry and dishes and discipline and everyday chaos. I try and I try, but all I end up doing is punching out one "mole" only to discover a new one popping up. It's exhausting and overwhelming and all I want to do is quit because I just can't win. 

I've been studying the book of Hosea with the She Reads Truth ladies and the phrase He keeps whispering to me over and over is "return to Me".  When I started this study, I thought it would be good, but I didn't realize it would also be hard.  Hosea is the story of God's unrelenting pursuit of an unfaithful and undeserving people.  It's about Israel...but it's also about me.  

I am a hot mess - a tired, overwhelmed mom who loses it far more than I care to admit.  But none of that changes who He is.  I come broken to be mended, wounded to be healed desperate to be rescued, empty to be filled...and He welcomes me with open arms, just as I am.  Even when I fail, He is still there, relentlessly pursuing me.  God doesn't change, ever.  He sees my spiraling out of control mess...and He loves me still.  Where sin increases, His grace abounds all the more.  

So my prayer this morning, even as I sit here listening to sick kids coughing with a house that is far from clean and my body that is far from rested, is that He would come and create in me a clean heart, to give me rest from my heavy burdens, and that I would know His endless mercy and boundless grace.  From the pit of my own despair, He calls me gently and lovingly..."come to Me, just as you are, and I will give you rest..."   

 

A Thousand Times His Mercy Remains

 
I woke up early this morning to the cries of my almost 6 year old, worried about her brother's beach ball going missing (?) and then a squirmy toddler crawling into bed and taking over...but instead of grumbling I remembered that I have a choice to make no matter what my circumstances are.

"It is easy to be cynical; it is brave to be joyful." - Joy Clarkson

So, I crawled out of bed, tip-toed downstairs, and opened up my prayer/devotion journal to begin my day the best way. And for the first time in weeks, I soaked up His words in a way that made me wonder why I ever allow myself to run on empty. 

It's easy for me to get caught up in all the ways I fail and resist His gentle whispers calling me to rest and find refuge in Him instead of trying to control my days.  But my circumstances and emotions don't define me and they never have to own me unless I allow them to. 

Sometimes the ability to choose and His gift of free will is overwhelming to me...because I know I will fail.  Even though I know the right thing to do, I don't always want to choose it.  Because sometimes doing what is right is hard...and doing what is wrong is easy. 

We are called to resist temptations and stand firm in our faith, but there are days it's just exhausting to keep fighting the battle in my own mind.  So, I give in and I make a mess of everything, yelling at my husband or my kids over something foolish that doesn't even really matter and picking battles over every little thing.  The anger and bitterness boils over and I find myself on a fast track to failure...again. 

The rest of the day, I walk around in silence, the anger and bitterness still lurking, but my own pride keeping me from humbly apologizing and admitting my own faults.  I beat myself up in my mind, but I can't bring myself to say the words out loud.  I know where I've failed, but I am afraid to own up to it and begin the hard work of repenting and renewing my mind once more. 

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace"

- Hillsong's "From the Inside Out"

I know this truth.  I know His grace abounds and there is no end to His mercy...but I am my own worst enemy and I'm most afraid to bow my knee before a holy God and admit my own failures.

"Humbling ourselves to God under His hand is the next way to deliverance and exaltation; patience under His chastisements, and submission to His pleasure, repentance, prayer, and hope in His mercy, will engage His help and release in due time." 

- Matthew Henry commentary

I take a deep breath and make a choice, admitting through broken tears and words that stumble and fall in a mess from a place of deep regret.  My husband listens, taking my hands in his and reminding me of grace, forgiving me once more.

And then, this morning, I open His words and listen to His gentle whispers both convicting and encouraging me.  He knows my heart far better than I do and He knows how often I fail...but still His mercy remains. 

"It is the cross that bridges the gap between 

our hurts and disappointments, brokenness and God's perfect love." 

- Sally Clarkson

Today, as the sun rises and my children awake from their slumber, filling our home again with noise and chaos, I ask Him to draw nearer, allowing me to walk in the shadow of His wings instead of in my own weakness.  I will choose humble praise and heartfelt gratitude and allow Him to renew my mind and heart once more. 

 

Product Review: U-NEEKS by Dayspring

I've long been a fan of Dayspring products, because, besides being well made and beautiful, they display bible verses and truths that are so meaningful.  They also have so many great sales and deals throughout the year to entice this frugal mommy to purchase from their website often for birthday gifts and Christmas.  I have a few products in my own home that I love, like this beautiful tabletop advent devotional, a few of their beautiful mugs, and this beautiful purse and makeup bag from their Redeemed line, along with tons of cards, journals, and notepads that I purchase often through their Heart Connection Card Club.  And, of course, I have an ongoing wishlist of products I would love to use and display in our home. 

When I first heard about their new line of U-Neeks products, I was intrigued and I was excited for the opportunity to review a few of these fun products with the kids.  Here is what Dayspring has to say about them:

God has made each one of us different on purpose.  In the Bible ( Psalm 139:14 ) we are reminded that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” by God, each U-Neek in our own way.  That is what this cast of characters is all about, reminding and encouraging us in a fun, random, sometimes weird and innocently strange way.

My oldest two were really excited to pick out their own U-Neeks character along with a fun coloring book and I picked out this pillow plush character for our toddler to enjoy.  I always love how quickly and efficiently Dayspring delivers their online orders - the package was at our door within a few days of placing the order and the kids eagerly tore it open with me.  They carried their little U-Neeks characters around the house for the rest of the day and now they hold a prominent place on their beds. 

The Allie Bird pillow plush character is the perfect size for our toddler's bed and he often curls up next to it or with his head resting on it just like a pillow.  It makes me smile to see him sleeping so peacefully with this soft, cute, and comfy pillow.  I love that the back displays this message: "I Am U-Neek, Psalm 139:14".  I want my children to always know that each of their lives have a precious and beautiful purpose, because they were fearfully and wonderfully made by their heavenly Father.  I can only imagine how this fun little pillow character will spark conversations with him as he grows. 

The smaller plush characters that our oldest two picked out came with a fun tag that shared a few fun facts about what makes their character "U-Neek" along with a bible verse.  My almost six year old picked out Jazzmine, whose life verse comes from Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." This is a verse I find myself drawn to often and one I hope to share and memorize with my daughter as she grows and discovers who she is in a world that would love to fill her mind with so much junk.  Instead, I want her to know and learn, right along with me, how to fix our thoughts on the things that really matter and on the One who will guide us to the abundant life. 

My four year old picked out Indigo, whose life verse comes from Romans 12:2 - "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  This is another verse that is so important to know and hold in our hearts in a world filled with temptations.  I hope and pray that each of my children would learn to discern what is right from what is wrong and that both my husband and I would have the wisdom to raise them well in the knowledge of the Lord.  I so appreciate that this line of "U-Neek" characters will help to spark these conversations with our kids and I look forward to sharing more with them as they grow. 

We haven't had a chance to use the coloring books yet, because I have yet to purchase the Color Wonder markers.  The pages are filled with fun bible verses and pictures to color that I know the kids will love.  Plus, I'm sure they will also spark many good learning opportunities for our kids.  

The entire line of U-Neeks products can also be found at Hobby Lobby or Walmart, making them even easier to purchase for your family.  These U-Neeks encouragement cards would make a great back to school purchase to use in lunch boxes and these party cups would be fun party favors for a birthday party or other celebration.  You can also take advantage of Dayspring's customer appreciation sale using code THANKS25 to get 25% off when you purchase through their website, plus shipping is free with any $50 purchase. 

*Disclosure: Dayspring provided these U-Neek products free of charge in exchange for my honest review.



 

So I Press On

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I wake from a deep sleep, shaking with tears and the panic remnants of a dream that seemed far too real.  I can't seem to shake it, no matter how tightly my husband holds me in his arms and whispers truth.  I don't understand why the dreams keep coming and why the images haunt me, no matter how much I remind myself it was just a dream.

I try to whisper into the darkness the Truth reminders He has shown me, but the words don't come.  Where are you, Lord? I wonder, grasping for the tiniest evidence that He is here.  As the storm calms in me, I realize that sometimes His presence isn't so obvious.   

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)  

I don't always understand why He doesn't simply stop the storm and sometimes I doubt that He's really there, but I keep pressing in, holding onto hope and remembering the ways He has already proven faithful.  Because hope that is anchored in Him never disappoints.

My writing here has been sporadic, but it's not for lack of words and stories to share.  The past year has been full of sifting and storms I wouldn't wish on anyone.  There are stories my fingers ache to put in writing, but too many of these words are meant to just remain here in my heart or on the pages of my own journal.  And sometimes, in the silence, that's where I find Him, waiting and loving, no matter how much of a mess I am and no matter how many times I've failed.

The quiet is also the place where I find rest, remembering His promises and allowing Him to do the work He wants to do in my heart.  In the wave of seasons of plenty and hardship, there are also seasons of sifting and healing.  Sometimes the healing feels an awful lot like sifting, but I need to let Him enter those places if I want to be truly free.

There are strongholds I've known lie in wait underneath the layers of healing unfolded in my previous seasons of healing, but I wasn't ready to unfold the layers and rediscover what was hidden there.  The dreams that shake and haunt me cause me to wonder and pause...because perhaps He brought me to those places for such a time as this, knowing that it was time for me to enter those memories.

"So, I must press on, fleeing the lies and bondage of sin and running swiftly forward to make His promises my own because He has already made me His own." (Phil 3:12)

In Him, there is power and love and self control to overcome...but I don't always live in those promises.  I must press on, fleeing the lies and bondage that hold me captive...and run swiftly forward to Him and all that He has prepared for me already.  It won't be easy...no part of this life lived in pursuit of His calling and purpose for me is ever meant to be easy...but it is always, always worth it.  

Linking up with Bonnie of Faith Barista

and a community of women learning to find

Spiritual Whitespace.

 

To Serve Him Diligently

"Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord."

Romans 12:11

This weekend, as I read these words and listened to the words shared at a ladies retreat, I felt Him tugging on the deepest places of my heart.  As much as I hate to admit it, I know that there are far too many times that I lag behind, becoming slothful in my zeal and ignoring the opportunities He has placed before me to serve Him. 

I set my alarm to wake a few minutes early for morning devotions...and then ignore it because I'm too tired to get out of bed. 

I see an opportunity to minister to the hearts of my children in the midst of difficult discipline moments...and then ignore it because I'm too overwhelmed with a list of "to-do's". 

I notice a friend whose face shows the weariness her words refuse to admit...and then ignore it because I have too much on my plate already.

Let's be honest here first: none of us are perfect and we all fall short.  I don't ever want to come across as "holier than thou" and somehow put myself on a pedestal of being better than anyone else.  Because I'm far from it.  But that also doesn't mean I am seeking pity or to somehow elevate my own brokenness. 

I share my heart here not so that I will be glorified...but so that He would be glorified in me.  I know my own faults, but I also know the God whose love covers all and whose mercy is new every single morning.  And oh, how I need Him.

It's so easy to become so self focused that I forget to serve Him diligently right where He has placed me.  The danger of slothfulness is becoming wrapped up in self.  Every day I have to make a choice to lay down my own selfish pride and serve Him with zeal and fervor wherever He would lead me.

But how do I know where He would lead me?  How can I be assured that I am not running aimlessly?

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize?

So run that you may obtain it."

(1 Corinthians 9:24)

David Guzik explains in his commentary that athletes have to train diligently, often given up things that are still good but would hinder their efforts.  In the same way, we might have to rid our own lives of things that aren't necessarily bad, but would "hinder the pursuit of the important goal: an imperishable crown, a heavenly reward that will never pass away".

My own pit falls, the things that hinder my own race may look different from anyone else.  For example, I've found that my mind is easily swayed by the lyrics and tone of music.  I have to choose Christian radio stations or worship music over any mainstream music, because, even when I'm not listening intently, the words still find a way to penetrate my soul and affect my attitude.  It doesn't affect my husband in the same way, though, so he will still listen to good ole' rock n' roll or whatever mainstream music he finds enjoyable.  Neither of us are more right than the other; we are simply convicted in different ways based on what obstacles hinder our own walks with Him. 

Serving the Lord diligently is more than just avoiding hindrances, though.  It's also about setting my mind and heart on things of the Spirit instead of the temporary indulgences of the flesh.  As 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, I must learn to "take every thought captive to obey Christ". 

But how do I take every though captive?  The answer is found in Philippians 4:8 -

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

When I fill my mind with His words and the things that He says are good and right to pursue, I leave no room for the flesh to grab hold of my thoughts.  I love this simply daily prayer one of the ladies shared at our retreat: "Lord, help me let go of my plans so I can bend and sway to your will".  Each day I have to make a choice; will I choose to seek and serve Him and fill my mind with heavenly treasures...or will I grow weary in doing the work He has set before me and choose my own way instead? 

Every day is a battle.  As another woman shared at retreat, evidence of a war going on in our lives is evidence that He is at work in our lives, because the more we pursue Him, the more we must battle the flesh and the things of this world that would tempt and sway us.  The good news, though, is that we don't go into this battle alone; we don't fight with weapons of the flesh, but of the Spirit.

"For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds." 

(2 Corinthians 10:4)

Another verse that God often brings to mind for my own personal battles is 2 Timothy 1:7 - "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control".  As I shared this verse again over the weekend, I was reminded that it doesn't say that He will give or even that He's going to give, but that He gave. 

When I first laid my sin at His blood stained feet, seeking His all sufficient mercy and grace, He gave me an abundance of spiritual blessings.  He's already given me everything I need to fight the daily battle against the flesh and the power to overcome any stronghold that stands in my way.

So, though the battle continues and I may feel weary and alone, He is still there, in the middle of every storm, reminding me of His promises and that He has already overcome it all.  There will come a day when our diligence and persistence will be rewarded, when at last we see Him face to face and we will see that this race, no matter how exhausting and overwhelming, is always worth it. 

"And let us not grow weary of doing good,

for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

(Galatians 6:9)

 

Be Healed

 one of my art therapy/visual prayer projects this week

Fear is my weakness...and weakness feels an awful lot like failure.  It's so easy for my mind to wander and wonder...and before I know it worry settles in like a heavy weight.

The moment I realize the queasiness in my soul stems from fear, I want to run and hide, for shame at the nakedness of my heart exposed.

But then, I see my pride, staring right back at me, pointing its ugly finger.  Even in my weakest moments, God sees me...and He still pursues me relentlessly.

He became for me righteousness, sanctification, and redemption...and every time I run away I push those nails further into His innocent hands.

I fall to my knees, pouring out my heart...and, somehow, instead of feeling the weight of shame and failure, I feel the weight of the chains breaking away as He bathes me in the freedom of His crimson blood shed for me.

And oh, how He loves me, enough to love the filth right out of my heart.

Our pastor preached on worry and my heart was pricked again.  Worry is borrowing trouble, but trusting in Him and laying it all at His feet is embracing grace and peace.

"We spill the ugly to allow Him to heal the wounds - 

replacing bits of us with pieces of Himself." 

- Kris Camealy

The dreams keep coming and worry threatens at every corner of memories I don't want to return to.  But He wants me to go back to those places, not to harm but to heal.

I'm afraid of the hurt and pain that comes with every hidden, forgotten memory, but He is faithful to fill every one of my empty spaces with His all consuming grace and hope and peace.

I take His hand, walking back into those memories, one by one, knowing that He is with me.  He goes before, beside, and behind, hemming me in on all sides.  He will not let me go. 

My heart beats and worry threatens, but I lift my eyes to His face and remember.  I don't have to linger here long...just long enough to give these broken pieces of me to His tender care and breathe in His healing, piece by piece.

"He loves us too much to leave us in our mess. 

He collects our broken shards 

and creates beauty from mere fragments, 

but the process does not come without pain." 

- Kris Camealy

 

One Word 2014: Peace

Reading through my One Word post for last year is like reading a summary of my year. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses this One Word to shape my year. He prepared me for what the year held before I even knew what I was up against.  He wrote Hope on my heart and then used it to keep me rooted and grounded in Him no matter what storms threatened to uproot me. 

As I began reflecting on all that was 2013, I dove into an advent study with Good Morning Girls as well as reading through Ann Voskamp's The Greatest Gift.  I was really wrestling with a lot of painful memories and some really hard sifting that is still ongoing.  It didn't surprise me that the word for the first week of advent was Hope...but what did surprise me was the way God used the daily study verses to speak to the deepest places of my heart.

During week 2 of the study, I really came to a breaking point.  I was weighed down by so much fear and before I knew it the anxiety I still struggle with had a firm grip on me.  I wrote about this a little here, but there was so much more to it.  At my weakest moment, I was hit with the first full on panic attack in a long time...and it terrified me.  Because in those moments, all I can see is the dark.  It feels like I'm sinking fast with no way of escape and I'm so very alone. 

But God didn't let me go.  He reached into that darkness and showed me how His light still shines in the darkest places.  I sat in the quiet after the storm had passed and went to the only place I knew would really give me rest: His Word.  I found myself planted in the words of Philippians 4:4-7 and as I continued to read and dig deep into these words, He spoke to my heart in a way that took my breath away.

I was no longer just reading words on a page.  It was like He was speaking them directly to my heart and as I let them soak in, I heard Him whispering the One Word I needed for the new year to come: Peace.  Only His peace can keep my mind and heart steady and secure come what may. As Spurgeon says, "Peace with God keeps the heart rich." 

I began to pray out loud, something I don't do often enough, and as I prayed I wept.  The act of speaking out loud my fears and doubts and struggles physically lifted a deep and heavy burden I'd been carrying for far too long.  Tears of hurt and pain became tears of peace and joy as He began to renew my spirit and comfort my aching heart. 

Spurgeon says, "You can not have peace unless you turn your troubles up.  You have no place in which to pour your troubles except the ear of God."  The longer I hold onto my burdens before I lay them at His feet, the more I lose the peace that is only found in Him. 

Matthew Henry's commentary describes peace as "the comfortable sense of our reconciliation to God and interest in his favour, and the hope of the heavenly blessedness, and enjoyment of God hereafter" and says that "it will keep us from sinning under our troubles, and from sinking under them; keep us calm and sedate, without discomposure of passion, and with inward satisfaction".  When my mind is so easily threatened by anxious thoughts, it's His peace I need most.  It's His peace that promises to guard my mind from whatever troubles would try to besiege and take control. 

So, this year is the year of Peace and, even more so, it's the year of no more fear.  I'm done fighting battles that He's already won.  I need His peace to face another year of unknowns. 

Come what may, I want His peace to cast my troubles far away and to keep my mind and heart deeply rooted and safe in Him.  This year, I'm purposing to run straight away to Him whenever troubles overcome and to daily practice praising Him for all He has already done and continues to do for me.  I want to live the truth of Isaiah 26:3 - "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."


 

Advent Week 2 & 3: Peace & Joy

"When we are inwardly tossed by various tempests, and when Satan attempts to disturb our consciences, let us remember that Christ is the prince of peace and that it is easy for Him quickly to allay all our uneasy feelings." (Calvin)

Grief is such a roller coaster ride.  It seems that no matter how hard I press into Jesus, there are still days that rock me so hard I wonder how I will ever survive this.  But in the middle of the storms, He is there, walking out on the water and meeting me right where I am.

The sea billows like the sorrows of my heart and the tempests rage before I even know what's hit me.  It only takes a moment, one word, one sound, one smell, one thought, and I'm right back there on the very day our tiny babe was released too soon from my womb.  Time doesn't stand still for mourning, but sometimes it feels like I'm locked in a time warp of grief.

But God.

Oh, those two words are some of my favorites in His word.  Because no matter where I am, no matter what storm I face, no matter how hard the struggle, God is bigger.  The grief overwhelms, but God is still here.  But God still loves and God still knows.  But God still comforts and God still redeems.  But God is still bigger and stronger and greater than anything this world brings my way.

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He will exult over you with loud singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you.  He will not leave or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Fear has been too close a friend to me for far too long.  It's my biggest stronghold to total surrender and fully embracing the freedom found in Him.  My mind races with a million "what ifs" and the mystery of tomorrow and the unknown overwhelms me with anxieties beyond my control.  I fall and weep as the darkness consumes and I wonder how I found myself back here, gripped so much with fear that I can't even hear my husband's pleas to stand up and see His light that still shines. 

But God.

He goes before me and hems me in on all sides and He will not let me go.  He will not let me be moved or ruined and, oh, how His great love overwhelms my weary, broken heart.  Like the one lost sheep in a herd of thousands, He chases after me and I am found again in Him.

"You can not have peace unless you turn your troubles up.  You have no place in which to pour your troubles except the ear of God." (CH Spurgeon)

"Oh, love that will not let me go.  I rest my weary head in thee.  I give thee back the life I owe that in thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be." (Fanny Crosby)

His light pierces the dark and as He pulls me out of the depths of my despair, I lay it all at His feet, piling my every sorrow and hurt at the feet of the One who already bought me with such a great price.  Peace can be found in the deepest, darkest storms when it's found not in the world or our circumstances that are ever changing but in the God who is the same yesterday, today, and always.

No matter how hard it is to see the good, I know that He is good.  Even when it's hard to see His everyday gifts, there is always much joy to be found in the greatest gift ever given.  A life of joy is not a problem free life.  No, in this world there will be tribulation, but we can always take heart that He has overcome it all.

"The then may serve for a ground of comfort to every soul distressed with the tedious bitterness of this life; for short sorrow, we shall have eternal joy; for a little hunger, an eternal banquet; for light sickness and affliction, everlasting health and salvation; for a little imprisonment, endless liberty; for disgrace, glory." (CH Spurgeon)

There will come a day when I will see how all my struggles are but momentary afflictions in light of an eternity of joy.  But joy can be found here and now.  It should be joy to us that the Word became flesh to redeem and save.  It's in fellowship with Him that we find joy in the mourning.

"Let us know, let us press on to know the LORD; His going out is sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." (Hosea 6:3)

"At this moment, despite our spirit depression and soul battling and heart strife, the LORD has set His love upon us and rests in that love!  Should not this make our faces shine?" (CH Spurgeon)

So, I keep pressing into Him, the author and perfecter of my faith.  I may wait for eternity to know how He will fully redeem all my sorrows, but I know that even now I have more than enough reason to rejoice.  He daily offers glimpses of this eternal joy in the way He relentlessly pursues me over and over again.

As long as I walk this earth, I will wonder why, but I know that without the refining fire of trials I would not know Him the way I do today.  It's easy to praise Him when life is good, but the real test is how we praise Him when life is hard.  I've never understood His love more than I have when I need Him most.

Peace is found in the chaos of life and loss when I press into Him, even though it hurts...and joy is found in knowing the God whose redeeming love overwhelms my soul with praise. 


 

Advent Week 1: Hope

(This image is currently my facebook cover photo on my personal page made from an image found through a google search and the great free editing software of picmonkey.  The verse is one I chose for our Christmas cards this year as a way of remembering our baby Hope and clinging to the Hope we have in Him always.)

"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him..." 

(2 Corinthians 1:20)

It's been nearly two years since that phone call on a day already heavy with fog that brought a coming storm I wasn't expecting so soon after the other.  And now, my heart is torn wide open again with a fresh grief that has totally swept me off my feet.  I find myself wishing the entire holiday season away, because it's so hard to find the joy and beauty of these days through tears. 

I cried over creating our Christmas cards, a tradition I usually love that now seems a chore.  I open the box of Christmas decorations and I just stare and stare at all the stuff that's supposed to make the season merry and bright.  I write a Christmas gift list, all the while thinking of the ones whose names should be there.  It all feels so empty, like something is missing.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, I realize what I really want is the Hope born on Christmas day to remind me that the pain of loving and losing is worth it all. 

Ann Voskamp says "We live perpetually for the coming of Christ.  We are the advent people."  This is the longing in my heart - to push away all the traditions and decorations and stuff that crowds out the manger scene to prepare my heart and wait expectantly for the Hope that came wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.  

"Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.  In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous branch to spring up from David and He shall execute justice and righteousness in the land." (Jeremiah 33:14-15)

Long before that manger scene day, there was a garden, a man, a woman...and a serpent who tempted them to disobey.  With one simple choice, the perfection of God's creation was broken and with it came pain, struggle, sickness, and death.  But God wasn't surprised and He wasn't finished yet. 

No, the God who created the world came down to the world to live and walk among us.  He felt the aches and pains of living in a dying body, knew the heartbreak of losing a loved one, understood the struggle to do right when the flesh so easily rebels...and then He did something amazing.   He saw how man fell short and every mistake, big or small, and He chose love, a love so great He laid down His life and died in our place.

I can't read the story of His birth without remembering His death.  We wait with hope for His birth, not just because He came to earth, but because He also died...and rose again.  

"He that hung upon the cross was the maker of all worlds.  He that came as an infant, for our sake, was infinite.  How low He stooped!  How high He must have been that He could stoop so low!"

(C.H. Spurgeon)

"What God had to say to us was not only or mainly what Jesus said, but who Jesus was and what He did."

(John Piper)

Long ago, God promised that His righteous branch would come and, though the wait was long, He didn't forget.  He never forgets His promises, because His faithfulness is unchanging and unfailing.  Right now, in the middle of the storm, it's hard to believe that the beauty of green pastures He promises still await me.  But no matter how long the wait, I can be sure that the day will come. 

That's what hope means - enduring the long wait with joyful expectation, believing that my Hope will be fulfilled. 

"God gave the hopeless world the gift of hope that first Christmas...and He continues to every year after."

(Good Morning Girls)

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} #3

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You are my hiding place & my shield;

I hope in your word.

(Psalm 119:114)

Does it ever feel like there are times in your life where you are pressed in on every side by storms that threaten to overtake you?   It just feels like one thing after another and before you get a chance to catch a breath, the next wave of storms is upon you. 

David understood this well, especially as he ran for his life from Saul.  He found himself hiding in the wilderness with a sword by his side knowing that at any given moment his life was in danger.  I can't imagine sleeping very well wondering if I'd be able to wake up to a new day. 

But David knew where to find hope: in the God who promised to protect and shelter him from whatever storms came his way.  God alone was his only safe hiding place and God alone would keep him from perishing. 

I love how two different commentaries describe this verse:

Matthew Henry says, "Now God was both these to him, a hiding place to preserve him from danger and a shield to preserve him in danger...Those who depend on God's promises shall have the benefit of His power and be taken under His special protection". 

C.H. Spurgeon explains that "...this life is very viable to storm...from all these storms, the Man Christ Jesus is our Hiding Place...our wisdom is to shelter in that Hiding Place".  

Again, in Psalm 27:5, David writes, "For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock."

Hope in His word is found not just in mere knowledge of what He says, but in the security that comes in knowing the very God who is our Hiding Place. 

So, no matter what storms come my way, I can rest assured that I will not be overcome as long as I trust and hope in the God who promises to protect and keep me.  What a beautiful promise to hold onto through every storm of this life!

I've found myself singing this song by Selah all day as I've meditated on the truth found in this verse:

 

"I rejoice at Your word like one who finds great spoil." (Psalm 119:162)

 

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} #2

photo source

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him; 

yet I will argue my ways to His face."

(Job 13:15)

The book of Job is not my favorite bible book to read, because, quite frankly, his story is rather depressing.  I can't imagine going through all the trials he endured.  But what amazes me every time I read pieces of Job's story is how he never faltered in trusting God, even when it didn't make sense.  

In the verse I'm focusing on today, Job is confronting his so-called friends after they came attempting to fix all his problems with their own ideas.  Instead of simply offering comfort and love, they "whitewash with lies" and "speak falsley for God".  They had a false view of God's providence, believing only wicked men were afflicted in this world, so, they tried to get Job to confess and repent of his obviously sinful ways.

Matthew Henry says this of Job's friends: 

"They were worthless physicians, who neither understood his case nor knew how to prescribe to him-mere empirics, who pretended to great things, but in conference added nothing to him: he was never the wiser for all they said. Thus to broken hearts and wounded consciences all creatures, without Christ, are physicians of no value, on which one may spend all and be never the better, but rather grow worse."  

In other words, all of their good intentions meant nothing when they were simply reaching for their own wisdom to fix Job's problems.  They may have intended to help him, but their theology was so far off that their attempts to help only made things worse.

The truth is that none of us are really good.  We are all sinners in need of grace and the trials we face in this world are a result of the brokenness of this world.  Individual circumstances are not always a direct consequence of individual sin, so the belief that bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people is inherently wrong.

In this world, even Christians who are on fire for Him and walking rightly with Him will face tribulation.  To our finite human minds, the trials we face make no sense and don't always seem fair.  Job didn't understand why all of this was happening to him and felt like even God was against him, but even so, He chose to trust in Him.

As my husband and I watched the movie "Facing the Giants" again over the weekend, I was struck by this phrase: "We'll praise Him if we win...and we'll praise Him if we lose".  If we choose to only praise God when things are well, we are missing out on so much of what it means to put our faith and trust in Him who knows all our tomorrows and goes before us wherever we may walk.

I love how Chuck Smith put it when he said, "No matter what happens I'm going to serve God.  Though I be stripped; though I be emptied; I'm still going to serve God."  But why and how can we trust Him even though we be stripped bare and completely emptied?  The only way to answer is to look further into His words and the way that Job lived out his faith, even when everything was pressing against him and wearing him down. 

"For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.

And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God,

whom I shall see for myself,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
My heart faints within me!"

(Job 19:25-27)

No matter how hopeless a situation may seem, I can know this, that He who is my redeemer is alive because He paid the ransom and set me free from all my debts.  And because He is alive, I know that one day all my tears and suffering will be no more.  

He will, once and for all, rescue me from the brokenness of this world and make me completely whole.  That is what hope is - to look forward to that which is unseen and yet to unfold, knowing full well that He will do as He promised.  

 

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} #1

 

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"But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is thy faithfulness."

 

(Lamentations 3:21-24)

 

When God gave me the word "hope" this year, I never expected the storms that lie in wait.  I also never expected the way He would find me right in the middle of the rubble.  In the middle of some really hard sifting, I've cried out to Him.  I've doubted, questioned, wrestled...and the more I tossed and turned over circumstances beyond my control, the more hopeless I felt.

 

Jeremiah understood that feeling of hopelessness too.  In this passage, he is looking at the rubble that was once Jerusalem and weeping over the devastation.  I can only imagine how hopeless he must have felt the more he stared at the rubble.  But God is still faithful in the storms.  When all we can see is the rubble and mess, it's so easy to get lost in the darkness of it all. 

 

I find this even more true in motherhood.  It's so easy to become overwhelmed with the never ending to-do lists or undone by the constant need to discipline children who are born with the same sin nature as me.  The more I focus on my circumstances, the more I fail.  And the more I focus on those failures, the more I drown in hopelessness.  It's only when I call to mind the only hope that is sure and steadfast that I can begin to see out of the rubble and remember His goodness. 

 

I love how C.H. Spurgeon explained the real meaning of "hope" found in this passage.  He says that "...in the New Zealand language, the word for hope is 'swimming thought' - the thought that swims when everything else is drowned". 

 

I have a memory from my childhood that I keep bringing to mind.  I was probably around seven or eight and we were swimming at an indoor pool as a family.  I dove underwater and propelled myself across the pool and quickly began to reach for the surface before I ran out of breath.  But instead of breaking through the surface, my head hit something solid and for a moment I panicked. 

 

Every time I remember this, I can feel again the weight of the water and the overwhelming fear that I was drowning.  The solid barrier I had run into was my dad sitting on an inflatable tube.  I don't honestly remember how I got myself back to the surface, but when I did I remember sobbing to my dad that I nearly drowned.  My dad, ignoring the panic and fear in my voice, instead chided me for not paying attention better. 

 

Sometimes the storms of life feel like that moment.  When I least expect it, a wave comes crashing down and pulls me under.  I propel myself to the surface, but, instead of reaching the surface, I hit another storm that pulls me right back under.  I begin to wonder how I could have missed the coming storm, ignoring the inner storm of anxiety making its way to the surface of my mind and heart...and, before I know it, I feel like I'm drowning. 

 

But there is rescue and it comes in the form of the One who is a steady anchor of hope.  When I call out to Him instead of trying to fight my own way to the surface, He reaches out His hand.  It's only then that I realize He has been there all along; I was just paying too much attention to the storm to see Him.   

 

Hope, then, is the One who is steadfast and sure, who never forsakes and never forgets, whose mercies never end and love never fails.  Even when I forget to look up, I still find Him there waiting with fresh mercies and renewed hope...and, oh, what grace is found in that beautiful truth!

 

 

***

 

As promised, anyone who comments on this post will be entered to WIN an e-book copy of Kayse Pratt's newest book, Undivided Mom, a beautiful devotional that will encourage every mom who longs to be fully present and undivided. 

 

 

There Is A Season...

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I wrote these words just over a year ago and I've been thinking on them often lately:

I love everything about autumn: the vibrant colors of leaves losing their summer green, the gentle, cool breeze sweeping through the windows, the smell of pumpkin spice lattes and a steaming bowl of soup...but I know that all too soon winter will come and with it the gloom of darkness. So, today, I am putting on my "armor" and remembering that there is a season for everything and that God has a purpose and plan already mapped our for me. And I'm holding onto this peace, HIS peace, that surpasses understanding. 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (John 14:27)

Our family has been going through a season of sifting lately and it's been hard, so very hard to hold onto hope when I can't see much past today.  I asked a friend the other day if maybe God was wrong in giving me the word HOPE this year, because it just doesn't make sense.  She gently but firmly reminded me that hope isn't defined by our circumstances, but by the God who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He knows what He's doing and He is not surprised by the things that knock us clear off our feet. 

I've gone back and forth with the idea of doing a 31 series for October, but I have felt Him urging me in a different direction.  First, because there is so much sifting going on, there are days I simply need to take a step back from everything and find quiet rest in the stillness of just being here.  I knew if I committed to writing every single day, it would become a chore and I would obsess over it, neglecting my quiet time with Him and my responsibilities here as a wife and mom. 

Second, I don't think just one topic would be enough to write out everything He is doing in my heart in the midst of it all.  When I sit down to write, often I have no idea where my fingers are going to take me as the words spill out.  I always feel refreshed when I simply write, without an agenda or deadline.  Sometimes I need structure to motivate me to write when it's hard, but too much structure can suffocate my writing. 

Third, I don't want to just write for the month of October.  I want to write and write and write, whenever the words come and I find myself here staring at a blank screen.  But, I also want to write more than just a few blog posts.  I still have a dream to put my words into a book and if I ever want to finish the one I already began, I need to give that writing priority over writing here.  So, some days I will write here and some days I will write there, but always I want to simply write. 

With all that said, I do have a few plans for my writing here for the next few months, but it will be much less structured than a 31 day series.  I have a few mini series I want to either start or continue and I look forward to sharing them with whoever comes to read my words. 

Living Gluten Free - I wrote an introduction of this topic with promises of continuing writing about my journey of gluten free living, but I have yet to follow through.  I'm going to continue this mini series once a week on Thursdays with no specific end date in mind.  I will simply write until I feel like the series is complete. 

Holding Onto Hope {Truth Reminders} - It may only be fall here, but the way our lives have been rocked by some really hard stuff, it feels like we're almost in the middle of another winter already.  I know that the only way to wade through the storm without drowning is to hold onto the only anchor that is firm and secure and that is HOPE.  I will share this mini-series on Mondays, focusing on what it means to hold onto hope, but it won't begin until October 14.  I have a fun book launch to share with all of you next Monday (October 7) written by a blogging friend who has become dear to me on a topic that echoes my own heart's desires. 

{Back to School, Back to Writing} - I participated in several of Creative Soul's daily writing prompts for the month of September, but there are some I never got a chance to write.  I'm going to continue sharing some of these on Fridays. 

{Back to Basics} A Walk Through Ephesians - I mentioned on facebook the idea of writing a series on the book of Ephesians, because it's the first book of the bible that I really studied in depth and it has been integral to my walk with Him.  I'm going to share this series on Tuesdays starting sometime later in the month.  I want to take some time to really dig through these truths again before sharing my thoughts and some challenges from His words here. 

And, of course, occasionally there will be stand alone posts that simply speak my heart whenever I need to just write. So, that's the plan, but it's only tentative.  I look forward to sharing more of my heart with each of you here.