Five Minute Friday: Remember

The sun is streaming through the open windows.  We are cooped up in our winter cocoon, restless for spring to come and flowers to bloom.

My daughter, our little dancing queen, is dancing and singing to the beat of her own drum.  The world is her stage and she has a story to tell.

Her three year old brother, our little monkey, is climbing on top of the couch and jumping down onto the cushions, giggling and yelling "ooh! ooh! eee! eee!".

Our littlest one is rolling around on the floor, ready to take on all this world has for him to explore and discover.

As I watch and take in the chaos that is our home, this littlest begins to make his hunger cries.  I scoop him into my arms, whispering soothing words, and cradle him in my arms.

He latches on and begins to soak up the nourishment that is more than just food, but the love of a mother who has been broken and mended.

He is the gift of grace given by a God who loves me more than my mess.  He is the one who continues to heal my broken pieces.

As he nurses, the noises around me fade and I begin to remember.

Instead of the darkness that filled so many of those days, I remember the tiny glimpses of grace and the moments that took my breath away.

I remember my daughter's first steps, her smile wide and my smile wider.  I scooped her into my arms and swung her up in the air, kissing her silly, and praising her first steps, my belly swelling with both mother's pride and the newest little one growing in my womb.

I remember taking our son home from the hospital and the peace that surrounded me as I watched our daughter embrace her roll as big sister and praised the God who gave me not one, but two healthy children.

I remember laughter and joy, silly dances around the living room floor, tickle wars before bed, kisses and hugs a plenty, and a love I never knew I was missing until they made me a mother.

I remember cradling each of these too quickly spreading their wings children of mine in my arms as the nourished the same milk their littlest brother is enjoying now.  I remember how I loved those moments and how, no matter how dark my soul felt, in those moments I felt peace and a wholeness I had forgotten I knew.

These three have broken me, but they have also grown and mended me.  

And as I remember, I taste and see that He was, He is, and He will always be good.  

Linking up with Lisa-Jo and the community of Five Minute Friday writers.

 

Breastfeeding: Support with Integrity

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I've been sharing all kinds of links and posts on my personal facebook page.  I wrote this disclaimer on one of my posts:

This is NOT at all a slam on any mom who does not breastfeed. I am simply sharing something I am passionate about in an effort to raise awareness. I know many moms who have struggled to succeed at breastfeeding and some even give up because they don't have the support they need. Breastfeeding IS hard, especially in those first few days, and that is why support and understanding is SO important.

Just like middle school and high school, cliques still exist into adulthood, especially when it comes to motherhood and parenting choices.  I try to be careful not to let my passion for what I believe turn into condescension or judgement towards a mom who makes a different choice than me.

Because, at the end of the day, when my children are grown and beginning their own journey into parenthood, whether I chose to breastfeed or not, co-sleep or not, babywear or not, cloth diaper or not will not matter.  What really matters is love.  

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing...

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

 My favorite little people (via Instagram)

Still, breastfeeding is something I am passionate about.  My mom is a lactation consultant and nursed all five of her own.  I grew up seeing breastfeeding as a normal and beautiful part of a mother-baby relationship.
When I was expecting my first, I looked forward to nourishing her with momma's milk.

My road to breastfeeding success hasn't been without its struggles though.  My daughter spend two weeks in the NICU after a mysterious infection caused her to have seizures less than twelve hours after birth.  Labor had been longer and harder than I expected and, because she was overdue, she also aspirated some of the meconium, preventing me from having the experience of nursing her moments after her birth.  I was able to nurse her for one brief moment a few hours later before the pediatrician whisked her back to the nursery when her breathing problems became worse.

I was adamant about nursing her, so I made it clear to the nurses in the NICU that I would be pumping and she was only to have my milk.  Of course, she did end up getting formula, something I feared but quickly got over when I struggled to get my milk in.  I remember the tears and the "I can't do this" feelings that were so overwhelming as I sat in the NICU watching my baby in a nearly sedated state from the seizure medication and seeing only drops of colostrum produced after hours and hours of pumping.  It certainly wasn't the experience I had expected.

 Amazing turnout for our local Breastfeeding Awareness Walk (via Instagram)

Without the support of my mom and my husband, (who also grew up seeing breastfeeding as a normal and beautiful part of a mother/baby relationship because his mom nursed all five of hers and was an active La Leche League leader for years), I might have given up.  And that is why I am so vocal about breastfeeding.

One mom, a new mom I recently connected with, commented on a post I shared thanking me for all the breastfeeding links I'd been posting because she was struggling and needed the encouragement.  When I told my mom about it, I said, "That's exactly why I won't stop sharing my passion for breastfeeding."  Moms need support to succeed, because breastfeeding can be hard and overwhelming.

 Fun at the park before our local Breastfeeding Awareness Walk (via Instagram)

Thanks to the support I received, I nursed my daughter for 13 months.  She self weaned just a month and a half before our son was born.  My son also spent time in the NICU, but he caught on to nursing like a champ and we enjoyed 18 months of those sweet nursing moments.  I can hardly wait to nurse this littlest one too!

Note: I signed the Support with Integrity Pledge "to agree to stand together for breastfeeding success and to support all mamas who desire to breastfeed, no matter what technique, position, frequency, equipment, duration or organization she chooses" and this post was inspired by the words of the pledge. 

***

Don't forget to enter my Lilla Rose Giveaway for a $16 gift certificate to purchase your own Flexi Clips! 

 

Bigger Picture Moments: This Kind of Love

Photo credit: storyvillegirl

He picks out his clothes and brings them to me.  He washes his hands and puts his dirty dishes in the sink.  He lines his cars up all in a row and counts to ten.  He asks me questions, sparks conversation, and makes me laugh with his silly banter. 

He wants to do everything by himself these days, but the moment he is hurt or afraid or simply tired, he crawls back in my lap and curls into that place in the crook of my shoulder that still perfectly fits him.

And I remember moments not so long ago when he lie cradled in my arms, skin to skin and heart to heart, drinking up this mommy's love and the only nourishment his tiny growing body needed.

It didn't matter where or under what circumstances. In the middle of a restaurant, in the changing room of a clothing store, in the shade of a tree at the park, in the comfort of our own home, in the circle of a family gathering.  The world seemed to stop spinning the moment he latched on and stared deep into my eyes.

The burdens of the day forgotten, I stare back into his deep eyes, watching as his eyelids grew heavier.  His tiny little hand pulls mine close, holding tight, and for this one moment in time nothing else matters.  Slowly and calmly, he falls into the sleep of a baby satisfied with mommy's milk and a love so deep. 

He no longer seeks this kind if nourishment, but he will always, always need this kind of love.

Note: I wrote this post in honor of World Breastfeeding Week 2012.  Despite rocky beginnings, I am proud to say I nursed my firstborn for 13 months (through most of my second pregnancy!) and our second for 18 months.  We are expecting #3 in early October and I look forward to these sweet moments once again.  There really is something magical about breastfeeding. 

Linking up with Brooke for this week's Bigger Picture Moments.

 Linking up with Natural Parenting Network for World Breastfeeding Week 2012.



Don't forget to enter my Lilla Rose Giveaway for a $16 gift certificate for some beautiful Lilla Rose Flexi Clips!

 

The Beauty of Breastfeeding

I posted this last year, but just had to share it again:

***

I wake up in the early morning to the sounds of my son's tears, tears of hunger.  As I will myself to get up from a restful sleep, I hear his voice calling for "mama".  I walk over to his bed, where he has pulled himself up and is peaking over the edge staring up at me with his big, blue eyes. He is hungry and only one thing will satisfy his early morning hunger.

Mommy's milk.

I cradle him in my arms, cuddle up with him on the couch, and begin to nourish him.  The instant he latches on, I feel his body relax and hear his gulps of contentment.  He reaches his hand up to my face and opens his eyes for a moment to look up at me as if to say, "thank you, mommy".  Although I am still tired, I can't help but stare at his sweet face and realize just how blessed I am.  In those moments before my eyelids close again, I am content.

This is love - being able to nourish my son, feel his body cuddled up next to mine, and know he is getting exactly what he needs.  All my failures as a mom are forgotten in those moments.  I am doing the right thing and my son is happy and well. 

"Milk is a side effect of love." (Christina M. Smilie, MD)

***

I was blessed with 13 months of nursing my firstborn, despite a 2 weeks NICU stay and not being able to nurse her until she was five days old and having to use a nipple shield the entire 13 months.  When she was so sick, it gave me great comfort to be able to pump milk for her.  I would go to the hospital for every single feeding, even in the middle of the night, just so I could be by her side and make sure I had a healthy milk supply when she was ready to nurse.  It was the one tangible thing I could do for her when I felt so helpless.  When she was 6 months old, I found out I was pregnant again.  We had been planning it, but it was still a surprise...especially when nursing began to hurt terribly.  I pushed through the pain, because I was determined to give my daughter the best gift I could give her: my undivided attention while nourishing her with the best nutrition.  She weaned herself only a month and a half before her brother arrived. 

When her brother ended up in the NICU for just over a week, I once again found great comfort in pumping milk for him.  As I sat next to his crib in the NICU pumping every few hours, I watched his breathing, held onto his tiny fingers, and felt a peace even as I longed to have him home in my arms.  The first time I nursed him I almost cried.  I knew I was providing him with something precious and that soon enough he would be healthy enough to come home.  He happily nursed until 18 months, when he was too squirmy and mobile to want to sit still to nurse.  I cherish every single moment of our nursing relationship - there's nothing else quite like it. 

Check out these beautiful posts for more about the beauty of breastfeeding:

Wordless Wednesday: Nursing in Public (a beautiful post about babywearing and breastfeeding)

Breastfeeding: Bringing Nursing Back (about how breastfeeding in public is normal and natural, written by my friend, Hyacynth)

Reflections of Breastfeeding (a beautiful YouTube video - have some Kleenex on hand, because it made me cry!)

Mom I Am

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I found this great poem (thanks Christy for sharing it with me!) that I just had to share here. 

Mom I Am

Written by the posters on the Mom's Online Breastfeeding Board

 

Little ones can squirm and pout,
make a fuss and scream and shout.
When hunger hits without a doubt,
Sit right down and whip it out. 

I would nurse her if she cried,
I could nurse her far and wide,
Here and there or anywhere,
Up or down or on a chair. 

I could nurse a teddy bear,
For this fine milk is very rare!!! 

Would you nurse him on a train?
Would you nurse him on a plane? 

Would you nurse him in a car?
Would you nurse him in a bar? 

Yes, on a train, yes on a plane.
Yes, in a car, yes in a bar. 

I would nurse him here or there.
I would nurse him anywhere! 

I would nurse him in a booth,
On the stairs or near the roof. 

Anywhere my boy cries out,
I pop the nummies in his mouth. 

I can serve it by the ounce,
I can serve it while I bounce. 

In a bottle or in a jar,
I can serve from near or far. 

Would you, could you nurse in church? 
Would you on a shaky perch? 

Would you, could you, in the stands?
Could you nurse him with no hands? 

I would, I could nurse in church,
Even on a shaky perch. 

In the stands, with no hands,
I'll nurse my baby on demand. 

Would you nurse him at the store?
Would you nurse him on the floor? 

Would you nurse him on a ship?
Careful not to show your nip!
Would you nurse him while on skis?
Would you nurse her on your knees? 

Would you nurse him in a tree?
Mommy milk is SO GOOD, you see. 

Would you nurse him by the stream?
You could nurse him while you dream. 

Can you nurse and clean the house?
Can you nurse and chase a mouse?
Can you nurse and cook a meal?
Mommy's milk is the real deal! 

Would you nurse him while you sleep? 
How about while you sweep?
Could you nurse him in a sling?
Would you, could you, while you sing? 

How about upon a swing?
Mother's milk is just the thing! 

Would you nurse her at the park?
Would you nurse him in the dark?

Would you nurse him with a Boppy?
And when your boobs are feeling floppy? 

I would nurse him in the park,
I would nurse her in the dark. 

I'd nurse with or without a Boppy.
Floppy boobs will never stop me. 

Can you nurse with your seatbelt on? 
Can you nurse from dusk till dawn? 

Though she may pinch me, bite me, pull, 
I will nurse her 'till she's full! 

Can you nurse and make some soup?
Can you nurse and feed the group? 

It makes her healthy strong and smart, 
Mommy's milk is the best start!

Would you nurse him at the game?
Would you nurse her in the rain? 

In front of those who dare complain? 

I would nurse him at the game.
I would nurse her in the rain.
As for those who protest lactation,
I have a perfect explanation. 

Mommy milk is tailor made
It's perfect food, you need no aid.. 

Some may scoff and some may wriggle, 
Avert their eyes or even giggle. 

To those who can be cruel and rude,
Remind them breast's the perfect food! 

I would never scoff or giggle,
Roll my eyes or even wiggle! 

I would not be so crass or crude,
I KNOW that milk's the perfect food! 

We make the right amount we need,
The perfect temp for every feed. 

There's no compare to milk from breast--- 
The perfect food, above the rest. 

Those nursing smiles are oh so sweet, 
Mommy milk is such a treat. 

Human milk just can't be beat. 

I will nurse, in any case,
On the street or in your face.
I will not let my baby cry,
I'll meet her needs, I'll always try. 

It's not about what's good for you,
It's best for babies, through and through. 

I will nurse her in my home,
I will nurse her when I roam. 

Leave me be lads, leave me be ma'am.
I will nurse her, mom I am.

This Is Love

I wake up in the early morning to the sounds of my son's tears, tears of hunger.  As I will myself to get up from a restful sleep, I hear his voice calling for "mama".  I walk over to his bed, where he has pulled himself up and is peaking over the edge staring up at me with his big, blue eyes. He is hungry and only one thing will satisfy his early morning hunger.

Mommy's milk.

I cradle him in my arms, cuddle up with him on the couch, and begin to nourish him.  The instant he latches on, I feel his body relax and hear his gulps of contentment.  He reaches his hand up to my face and opens his eyes for a moment to look up at me as if to say, "thank you, mommy".  Although I am still tired, I can't help but stare at his sweet face and realize just how blessed I am.  In those moments before my eyelids close again, I am content.

This is love - being able to nourish my son, feel his body cuddled up next to mine, and know he is getting exactly what he needs.  All my failures as a mom are forgotten in those moments.  I am doing the right thing and my son is happy and well. 

"Milk is a side effect of love." (Christina M. Smilie, MD)