Joy Dare, Week 3

Photo credit: Shanissinha

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, 

for His steadfast love endures forever.

~Psalm 136:1

As I opened up to my memory verse for the week, I smiled as I came across this beautiful repetitive phrase: His steadfast love endures forever.  It is repeated 26 times in this Psalm alone.

Other versions of this verse use the phrase "faithful love" and "lovingkindness", which both refer to the grace or favor of God that is constant and abiding.  I love those words - constant and abiding.  Not only is His love for me constant, it is abiding, living and active and present in me.

We praise Him and thank Him not only because He does good things for us, but because He is good.  In all things and at all times, He is good.  This is what the joy dare is about - giving thanks in all things, even when it's hard.

In every recording of His gifts, from one to 1000, we should take notice of His love that is constant and abiding and glory in Him alone.

***

Continuing to count His gifts...

46. a stroller pushing walk on a sunny winter morning

47. cuddling with my little man and knowing this is where I belong

48. ordering two copies of Grace for the Good Girl (for the price of one!) to read with my sister this summer

49. shopping at Target all by myself

50. a happy birthday to my dad, one of my biggest cheerleaders who taught me by example what to look for in a husband and gives me a glimpse of the love my heavenly father has for me

51. watching the snow fall while nestled safely in my warm home

52. an inhaler and nebulizer to help me overcome a cold that aggravates my asthma

53. running inspiration found in the pages of Runner's World Complete Book of Running for Women

54. my sister's pregnancy announcement and the blessing that came through raindrops

55. the simple joys of life through the eyes of my children

56. listening to my daughter's imagination as she "talks" to her Pappi on her "phone"

57. a clean bathroom and junk free desk drawers

58. a MOPS Friday and a friend who watched my little ones all morning

59. missing my grandparents but remembering all the precious moments through the years

60. the sweetest handwritten birthday wish from Ted's grandpa

61. celebrating my birthday by shopping by myself, enjoying a quiet afternoon, and eating a delicious dinner cooked by my hubby as my little ones sang "happy to you, mommy!"

62. a 2 mile walk with one 30 second run - one step closer to healing and beginning my half marathon training

63. watching The Help after the little ones were asleep while curled up in my hubby's arms

64. eighty-three birthday wishes and love on facebook

65. a pastor who preaches the truth in such a way that pierces through my stubborn heart

66. a surprise visit with my cousin and her little ones

Just Write: Gracious Words

On Sunday afternoon, I enjoyed a peaceful walk all by myself.  I am slowly working my way back to a running routine, so I can train for a half marathon.  My Achilles tendinitis is still healing, so I want to gradually increase my workouts without stressing my tendon too much and giving it time to regain some strength before full on half marathon training.

As I walked, I thought about how easy it would be to just give up and say, "I tried, but I'm just not cut out for this."  But then I think of what I've accomplished already, the confidence I've gained, the obstacles I've overcome, and I know that I can do this, no matter how hard it will be.

Just because something is hard, doesn't mean it's not worth doing.  Because often the hardest things are what make you stronger.  And if anything has made me stronger, it has been my commitment to running.  No matter how many crappy runs I endure, it is always worth it for that one flying-across-pavement-freedom that comes from a run that feels so good and so right.

And I've also learned, in sharing my journey and my struggles, that the best way to heal is to write, to share my story, and to hear other women open up about their own struggles.  The first time I wrote here about the secret behind this mom, the stronghold that held me captive, instead of finding judgement, I found acceptance.  I found a community of women who have held me up through some of my darkest days and encouraged me to keep looking up and keep moving forward.

It's the gracious words of a sweet friend that are like sweetness to the very core of my being.  Those words speak to my heart, reminding me that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self control.  The same power to overcome that voice in me that said, "you can't run.  you'll never be a runner.", is the same power that pulled me up from the pit, placed my feet on solid ground, and showed me a way to live a life of freedom.

You'll never know how much your words will mean until you pick up a pen and paper and write to that friend you've been thinking of or praying for.  It might just be the thing that keeps her from falling off the edge or the words she needed to be reminded of on one of those hard days.  Sending an email or leaving a comment on a blog post means much, but a handwritten note means even more.

A handwritten notes says you took the time to find a card, pen your words without the editing powers of a computer, letting the words freely flow from your heart to the card you so carefully selected because of the words or the picture that spoke your friends' name to you. 

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." (Proverbs 16:24)

Disclosure: This post was inspired by Dayspring, because their lovely cards have been such a blessing to me and to those whose names have been spoken to me as I put my pen to paper and allow my heart to spill out on the page to a friend who needed to hear those words of love and encouragement and truth.  Dayspring sent me two FREE card packs and a beautiful accordion style card organizer as part of their inspired deals this month and encouraged us to write a post about how writing cards change lives.  I signed up for Dayspring's Heart Connection Card Club last year, because I really love their cards and I've been trying to make an extra effort to send out handwritten cards just because.  While this post was inspired and encouraged by Dayspring and their offer of FREE cards, the opinions expressed here are fully my own. 

Bigger Picture Moments: Running to Live

 Photo credit: jeffsmallwood

It's been over a month since I last woke up before the sun came up for a morning run. Those moments are so precious to me, because running has become so much more than just exercise for me.

This week, I started building up my strength again, taking it easy with two short walks pushing a double stroller with two toddlers who were more than happy to join me.  My Achilles tendinitis is slowly healing and the need to run has only grown stronger.

I read this quote yesterday, "To run is to feel alive," and I felt I could have written that sentence myself.  When I first started to run, it was just to prove to myself I could do it.

I started to set goals and each time I reached them I felt my confidence rising.  Suddenly, without warning, I realized that running was more about life than about exercise.

"I ran to be free; I ran to avoid pain; I ran to feel pain; I ran out of love and hate and anger and joy.  Somewhere along the path, running became the canvas upon which I documented my life."

Too often in my life, I've run away from things that are hard, protecting myself the only way I knew how, by hiding the way I was really feeling and ignoring the hurt that was growing inside me.  But when I really started to run, I imagined myself running forward, to a life filled with freedom and hope and healing.

Last year was a year of blessings through rain drops, a time when I learned more about who I am than ever before in my life.


"There's an important story you should know about.  It's the story of millions of women finding their legs.  Along the way, they found their voices, their hearts, their dreams."

With each run, I began to see that my life doesn't have to be about comparisons that steal my joy and buried hurts that rob me of freedom and anxiety that wreaks havoc on my soul.

Life, real abundant life is about running the race set before me.  Its about the moments when we must make a choice between running away from and running towards the only true freedom.

To run really is to feel alive, abundantly, gratefully, hopefully alive. 

*All quotes from Runner's World Complete Book of Women's Running.

Linking up with Lenae for this week's Bigger Picture Moment.

Just Write: How To Slow Down Time

 Photo credit: Topeka & Shawnee County Public Library

I haven't been able to run for four weeks...and, let me tell you, it's driving me crazy.  In September, when I first started running, I never ever thought I'd fall in love with it.  But it quickly became a necessary part of my day.  I looked forward to waking up in the morning for a run, because it made me feel prepared for the day and it gave me the energy I needed to tackle whatever the day held for me.

But four weeks ago, my Achilles tendon started bothering me.  I had tendinitis as a kid, but the pain was more on the base of the heel, so I took to walking on tip toes.  Sometimes I still find myself walking up stairs on my toes instead of with my whole foot.  Now that it has returned as an adult, the pain is more in the middle of the tendon.  So, when it hurts the most, the pain radiates through my whole foot.

I finally went to a foot doctor last week who explained that my tendon is so tight I am running the risk of tearing it and needing surgery if I don't do something about it.  She gave me strict instructions to rest as much as possible and ice it throughout the day.  In two more weeks I will see her again and hopefully the tendon will be healed enough that I can start some physical therapy. 

So, in the middle of some of the hardest days I've endured and the busyness of the holidays, at a time when I desperately needed to get out for a run to clear my mind, all I could do was sit and rest.  And as I've forced myself to slow down, it's made me think about what's really important.

I've already blogged about how Christmas was different this year, but I've really been thinking about how important it is to slow down and enjoy the little moments that can never be recreated.  Like when my son asked me a few days ago to sit on the potty and grinned as he sat there and grunted, pretending to know what he was doing there.  Instead of sitting him on the potty and walking away, I watched him and giggled at his excitement over something so simple. 

Or the moment last night when my son just wanted to be held and rocked to sleep and, instead of sighing and groaning about how he wasn't going to bed, I decided to quietly pick him up and rock him back and forth in my bed until he was fast asleep in my arms.  And instead of moving him to his bed right away I stared at him for a while, as if to will time to slow down for just a little while.

Or the times my daughter breaks out into spontaneous songs, complete with hand motions, dancing, and hilarious facial expressions.  While I've often been the first to ask her to be quiet in my rush to do a million things around the house, I've determined in the last few weeks to just stop and listen.  I smile and cheer her on and when she finishes I clap as she takes a bow and giggles.

Because I know that one day I will miss these moments.  And these moments are only here now.  I have one childhood to enjoy these little ones before they are grown and raising families of their own.  And I don't want to miss this. 

***

Linking up with Heather of The EO for Tuesday's Just Write, a time set aside to freely write, without editing, whatever is on your mind.

Goals for a New Year

 Photo credit: Adam Prince

As I reflected on all that was 2011 for me, I started to think about the promise and hope that this year holds.  I know I have come a long way in the past year and I want 2012 to be the year that I continue to grow and find myself complete in the joy of the Lord.  With that in mind, I have a few measurable goals I want to achieve this year.

1. Lose 20 more pounds.  Last year I lost 30 pounds and found myself back at my pre-pre pregnancy weight.  This year, I want to reach my goal weight and continue maintaining my weight loss through healthy eating and exercise.

2. Memorize His word each week.  I bought a little pocket calendar from Dayspring during their after Christmas sale.  Every week there is one bible verse highlighted on the page, giving me little excuse for finding a verse to memorize for the week.  I want to continue hiding His word in my heart and building up my treasures where they really count.

3. Run a half marathon.  Last September, I did something I never thought I'd do - I started running.  And, lo and behold, I found out I love to run.  I have completed three short races (1, 2, and 3 miles), but this year I want to increase my mileage and finish a half marathon in September.  Of course, right now, I am unable to run due to Achilles tendinitis, but hopefully with three more weeks of rest and physical therapy thanks to the help of my foot doctor, I will be able to run again.

4. Turn off the computer between breakfast and nap time and after nap time until bed time.  I want to be more present and actively spending time with my kids, because I know one day I will miss this.  And, I want to do more with my kids - early learning activities, projects and crafts, playing games, and outdoor adventures.  So, I'm taking it one day at a time, but my goal is to be off the computer while my kids are awake. 

Just Write: Running the Race Well

Photo source: Jennoit

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now and so many things I want to blog about...but how to narrow it down to just one?

This morning, I woke up before the sun, crawled out of bed, and went out in the 20 degree quiet morning to run.  I never thought I'd be that person who wakes up early just to run...or simply that person who runs.

But, the truth is, I love to run.  It's become such a part of me that even when I'm not running I'm thinking about running.

The other night, I started thinking about goals.  Right now, as a mom, my biggest goal is to simply love my kids so they never once doubt they are wanted and cherished and that one day they understand that my love is simply a picture of the love their Heavenly Father has for them.

On the drive home from the other day, my daughter began to ask me questions about God.  She wanted to know where He was and she was hungry for more.  As tears filled my eyes, I began to share with her some of my most precious gifts - the promises and hopes He has given me.  Her three year old mind may not understand yet, but I still want her to know that there is One who loves her even more than I can, enough to send His son to this earth.

In this holiday season of rushing and spending and worrying, I find myself desperate for quiet and peace and a reminder of what this season is all about.  We started doing an advent wreath at home, lighting the candles at dinner each night and reading a devotion.  Seeing that candle lighting our dinner table reminds me of the One who is the Light in the darkness and whose light will never falter or perish.

We put up the Christmas tree last night and my husband danced with the kids to Christmas music in the middle of the living room.  Despite my sour mood that day, I couldn't help but smile and pause to soak up the moment.  Because these simple moments are the sweetest and most precious.

I thought about my goals for running too.  I found a half marathon in September and actually put it on the calendar.  I've been contemplating making that a goal for a while and I finally decided I'm going to do it.  I want to cross that finish line knowing I've run the race well and finished what I set out to accomplish.

Because isn't that what life is about?  Running the race well, so that one day He will be able to say of me, "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

13 Minute Mile

Last night I ran a thirteen minute mile…and it felt SO good.

I remember watching the Appleton Christmas parade as a kid and laughing at the crazy people running the Santa Scamper before.

This year, I was one of those crazy people.

You know how you say “I’m never going to…” and then, before you know it, you end up doing something you never thought you’d do?

As a kid I never ever thought I’d be a runner.

I was the kid with asthma and a heart defect who got tired after walking just a few yards.

I hated gym class. I dreaded being with all my classmates who could run and exercise without having trouble breathing and who were actually talented when it came to sports.

I always felt like a failure, because I was never gifted in sports and I was always the sick kid who had to sit out on any game that required running.

I was a smart kid academically whose report cards were always straight A’s…except for gym class. I was lucky to get a C in gym class.

I still remember telling my husband I was going to try running. He looked at me in shock, but then said, “I believe you can do it.”

That, to me, was the best motivation ever. Because I never thought I could run. But if my husband believed in me, maybe I really could.

That first run, I barely made it to the end of our block before I had to stop and walk the rest of the way. But, I felt something I had never felt before – the confidence that I could do something I had never done before.

I set out just to prove to myself that I could run. And then, before I knew it, I realized I love to run.

The start of a run is always the hardest for me. It’s a mental game. I start thinking, “I can’t do this. I should just go home,” but I’ve learned to say to those lies, “Yes, you can. Don’t give up.”

And then, halfway through a run, as my legs start to remember how it feels to run and my head starts to remember that running high that feels so good.  It's the feeling that I can accomplish anything, that I can overcome anything, and that I can do what I thought I never could.

So, last night, when I crossed the finish line in exactly thirteen minutes and my brother and his friend gave me high fives and shouted, “Yes! You did it!”, I realized I have overcome and I am already stronger than I once was.

Stronger

Today, I completed my first ever running race.  It was a 3 mile prediction run, so it was all about who could predict their finish time the closest.   Two weeks ago, my training was going well and I was close to my goal pace...but then my heel started to bother me.  It felt like the tendinitis I had years ago flaring up again.  So, I had to take a step back from training and rest my poor foot.

I was so frustrated, because I was finally starting to enjoy running.  I never thought I would, but I totally understand people who talk about a "running high".  After a run, I feel refreshed, energized, and ready to take on the world.  Seriously, running makes me happy.  So, when I suddenly couldn't run and was forced to rest, I was going stir crazy.

It didn't help that the weather here has been cooling down and the days are becoming shorter and darker.  Winter is setting in...and the SAD that I struggle with is threatening to consume me again.  I've been feeling trapped.  I'm thankful for some sweet friends who understand the same struggle and encouraged me with words of affirmation and love.  They reminded me I'm not alone and that I am already stronger than I was last winter.   

This morning, I found myself overwhelmed, threatened by my anxious thoughts and the fatigue of not sleeping well lately.  After a good, long cry in the safety and comfort of my hubby's arms and coming before the throne of our God together in prayer, I felt His peace that surpasses understanding once again.  I was ready to race, to prove that I could do it, even if I had lost a lot of training and fitness in the past two weeks.  All I wanted to do was finish, to prove to myself that it is possible, that I can really overcome.

Halfway through the first (2 mile) loop, I began to wonder what I had been thinking.  My mind was playing games with me, feeding me the lies that I couldn't do it, that it was a stupid idea to begin with, and that I might as well quit already before I was more embarrassed.  I was already well behind the rest of the group and unable to run as much as I had hoped.

I came to the first cross road and one of the race volunteers directing traffic cheered me on, "Way to go!  You're right on track.  Keep it up!  And keep on smiling - enjoy it!"  I laughed and wondered how I could possibly enjoy it when every bone in my body was ready to give up.  But, I kept pushing, reminding myself how good it would feel to finish and that I really could do it.

As I rounded the corner to start the next loop, my hubby joined me, cheering me on for the final 1 mile of the race.  He kept pushing me to run a little bit more, that I was almost there, and that I really could do it.  As I finally rounded the corner again for the finish, he ran off to the side where my parents and our little ones stood.  I heard his voice first - "You can do it, Steph!" and then I heard my parents saying, "All right, Steph!  Way to go!".  As I ran to the finish line, the crowd suddenly started cheering for me and I thought, "Wow!  I really did it!" 

It was the best feeling ever to cross that finish line and hear my hubby and parents say, "I'm so proud of you!" and to know that I not only accomplished my mission to complete a race, but I accomplished much, much more.

I learned that I really am stronger than I realize - strong enough to recover fully from heart surgery at 13, strong enough to endure a painful break up, strong enough to make my own way in the world on a campus where I knew no one, strong enough to push through an education major in four years, when the typical student took five years, strong enough to make it through the traumatic birth experiences of both my children, strong enough to overcome postpartum anxiety and depression, strong enough to make it through the many storms of life with my faith, my hope in the One true God bigger and better than ever before. 

I am stronger, because the One who lives in me, gives me breath, and walks me through each new day is stronger than any obstacle, any hurdle, any challenge that comes my way.  In the words of Mandisa...

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger...

Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand

Go on and fall into the arms of Jesus...

Believe me this is gonna make you stronger

Turkey Trot Prediction Run

On Saturday, Ted and my brother, DJ, competed in the 2009 Turkey Trot Prediction Run at Lakeside Park.  It was a 3 mile run through the park.  Runners had to predict their finish time and the 20 racers who finished closest to their predicted time won a turkey.  DJ and Ted had been preparing for this race for a few weeks; it was an epic battle between the two.  Unfortunately, DJ was fighting a cold, so he wasn't in his top racing form.  Ted won this epic battle (and a turkey too!), but there is one more chance on Thanksgiving Day for DJ to beat Ted.

Getting his "game face" on

Thinking hard about why he is doing this...

Let the battle begin!

Ted

DJ

Showing off his prize turkey

5 Weeks Old

Our Little Cow

Cuddling with my little man

Trouble...

Cheering on her favorite runners

Tree hugger

Silly girl

She kept her Uncle Dan busy chasing her around!

By the way, I've just discovered a great FREE editing program called Picnik.  I'm still learning how to use it, but I love how easy it is.