Twas The Write Before Christmas: Day 8

All Is Calm

 
I awake from a dream to the sounds of my newborn son stirring beside me in bed. Before the squirming turns into hunger cries, I scoop him up in my arms, sit up in bed, and watch him instantly calm the moment he latches onto the nourishment only a mother can give.  And as he nurses, my eyelids begin to fade, but I force myself to stay awake, to stare at him and to relish in the moment. 

There were many nights when my oldest two were nursing babes that I cried and begged for just a little more sleep.  I dreaded the night time hours and awoke more exhausted than the night before.  I walked through my days in a fog, waiting for the day they would sleep through the night. 

But when our neighbors received devastating news about their unborn son, when a friend said goodbye to her newborn son way too soon, and when parents sent their little ones off to school for the very last time, I remembered that these moments are oh, so fleeting.  I do not know what tomorrow holds and, really, I am only promised today, this very moment. 

The reality of that truth is so scary and so overwhelming.  I hate not being in control, but, the bigger truth is that I was never in control to begin with.  Before I was even being knit together in my mother's womb there was One who already knew all the days ordained for me.  He alone knows what will happen for my tomorrows. 

So, in the calm of the night, when the rest of the house is fast asleep, instead of complaining and longing for sleep, I cradle my newborn son and watch as his body relaxes and his hands curl around me.  I listen to the soft whisper of his breathing and smile when it gives way to happy sighs and a milk drunk smile.  I want to live my life without any regrets, to take captive moments like this, because it could so easily be taken away from me and I will miss this.   

Linking up with Bigger Picture Blogs for this year's Twas The Write Before Christmas.  Check out this year's prompts here and join in the fun!