Bigger Picture Moments: My Story, HIS Story

 Photo credit: Vassilis Online

I've been thinking a lot lately about the purpose of this little space here and why I blog.  The thought has crossed my mind several times, "Is this even worth it?  Am I being selfish in sharing my words here?  Is it all about me...or is there another purpose?"  

I started this blog as a way to keep in touch with family, but it has grown into a space for me to share my heart and my walk.  The first time I wrote about the real messiness of life, I was overwhelmed by the response.  I hemmed and hawed over that post.  Should I write it or not?  And once I wrote it, I wondered if I should really publish it.  I didn't want to come across as whining or complaining, but I also didn't want to be fake in this space.  I wanted to be real.

I kept feeling this gentle nudge to share my words.  So, holding my breath and closing my eyes tight, I hit that publish button and waited.  Would my words matter?  Was I wrong in being so open and honest?  What would people reading these words think of me?  Does it really matter what anyone thinks?  

I know it's silly and I know the truth of that last question, but I've always struggled with pleasing people and playing the comparison game.  I am my own worst enemy and the need to be accepted and wanted has long been a stronghold of mine.

The day I asked Jesus into my heart, I felt an overwhelming peace.  I knew that the emptiness and longing deep in my soul had been fulfilled wholly and completely in Him.  But I didn't know what tomorrow would hold.  I didn't realize how much I would still struggle to understand and believe His truths and walk in them.  And I didn't know where to begin soaking up His truths.

I'll never forget the day I walked through the doors of our church.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew God wanted me there.  On the walk there, I felt like Abraham when God told him to pack up his belongings and follow Him to the promised land.  He had no idea where the promised land was, but He knew God was faithful and so he obeyed.  And God blessed his obedience, just as He has mine through the bold preaching of His truth that has challenged and grown me over the years.

But I'm only human; I am not perfect and I still struggle.  I will walk in obedience and feel a confidence that only comes from Him...but then, the moment I mess up, I beat myself up and try to hide from Him the same way Adam and Eve did.  I feel ashamed that I can't seem to get it right...but then, when I swallow my pride and humbly fall at His feet, He reminds me that His forgiveness has no bounds and His grace is more than sufficient.

This space might be about me, because it is written by me and about my life...but it is even more than that.  It is about the work that He continues to do in me.  It's about sharing His truth and encouraging other women who struggle too, because He created us for community and He knows we need each other.  But, most of all, it's about Him and His story. 

I'm not perfect, but He is.  My story is a mess, but His story is beautiful.  I am a selfish sinner, but He is a righteous and holy God.  I am just one person and one voice, but He is the One who spoke the world into existence, who created all this out of nothing.  I'm not going anywhere and I will keep on sharing my story, not for my glory, but that He might be glorified in me. 

Linking up with Melissa for this week's Bigger Picture Moments. 

Check out my Child Training Bible Review & Giveaway going on right now on the blog and enter to win this wonderful parenting tool for raising our children up in the Lord.

The winner for my Virtual Mercy Party: Mercy House Review & Giveaway has been announced - see the original post for the announcement.