Just Write: Waiting

 

"Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice;

blessed are all those who wait for him."

Isaiah 30:18

Today, I am just two days away from my due date.  To say I'm ready would be an understatement.  I'm so anxious and feeling rather miserable.  This little one sure is keeping us guessing...and momma exhausted.  

God sure does have a sense of humor.  We've prayed and asked so many others to join us in praying that this little one would not arrive early, but that his lungs would be ready to breathe in this world on his birth day.  The past month, I've had contractions off and on and even spent a few times in labor and delivery nearly in active labor...only to have labor stall completely.

And now, just two days away from his due date, it's almost like God is laughing that his answer to our prayers was way more than we expected.  I never expected to carry this little one so far, much less to consider the possibility of being induced.

I feel so relieved knowing he won't be premature, but there's still a part of me that is afraid.  My daughter was two weeks overdue...and very, very sick.  She had swallowed a ton of meconium and my placenta was infected from being so overdue.  It was a long and very difficult labor...but the days that followed were some of the scariest and most trying days of my life.

I know that God already has this little one's story written...but the waiting and the unknown are threatening to consume me.  I'm not good at waiting, especially when I feel miserable physically.  And the "what ifs" are a big part of my struggles with anxiety.

Change is also something I struggle with...and having a newborn again will be a huge change for us.  Our routine will be thrown off and we will have to learn a new "normal" for our family as we get used to being a family of five.

Don't get me wrong.  I am completely in love with this little one already and so thankful God has chosen to bless us again.  He is very much an answer to our prayers.

It's just a battle I face day in and day out...this choosing to rest in His promises instead of allowing the "what ifs" to control my day.

And it's why I know, without a doubt, that I cannot do life without Him.  I desperately need His abounding grace and His peace that surpasses understanding. 

So, today, as we anticipate this littlest one's arrival, I'm going to choose to rest in Him, to wait upon the Lord, because He's already got this one...and He will not leave us or forsake us, no matter what. 

Linking up with Heather for this week's Just Write.