Five Minute Friday: Present

"Mommy, I can't wait to be five, because then I get to go to school!" says this mini version of my heart beating outside the womb that carried her warm and safe for nine long promise filled months.

And it hits me hard, the tidal wave of fears and what ifs and how do I slow down time thoughts.

How can I forget the moment those two lines first appeared and my heart grew as deep and wide as my ever expanding belly?

Or those long panic inducing hospital days wondering if I'd really get to hear her call me mommy?

The vapor of time descends on me with all the memories of days I'd forgotten and moments I wish I could redo. 

For five years, she has been my shadow, mirroring my every move and looking at me with eyes that seem to see right through to my soul and a heart that beats with her own thoughts and dreams and fears so like my own.

And now, with just over a month before she walks through new doors, a backpack too big for this little person who is far too quickly finding her own way, I am stuck wondering if all the times I failed are really covered by a love that knows no bounds.

Because I want to slow down time and take back every missed moment before she leaves this nest and spreads her wings in a world filled with so much hurt and pain I wish I could prevent.


I want to embrace the present days yet unopened and hold onto every drop of smiles and laughter and moments she takes my breath away, but how do I do that when the ever near future is like a vapor ready to consume me?

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I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo and a community of Five Minute Friday writers, but, as usual, I can't seem to stop myself when the words come.  Five minutes just isn't enough for all the words in my heart to spill out on this space.  But this prompt was exactly what my heart needed to breath.