Stronger

Today, I completed my first ever running race.  It was a 3 mile prediction run, so it was all about who could predict their finish time the closest.   Two weeks ago, my training was going well and I was close to my goal pace...but then my heel started to bother me.  It felt like the tendinitis I had years ago flaring up again.  So, I had to take a step back from training and rest my poor foot.

I was so frustrated, because I was finally starting to enjoy running.  I never thought I would, but I totally understand people who talk about a "running high".  After a run, I feel refreshed, energized, and ready to take on the world.  Seriously, running makes me happy.  So, when I suddenly couldn't run and was forced to rest, I was going stir crazy.

It didn't help that the weather here has been cooling down and the days are becoming shorter and darker.  Winter is setting in...and the SAD that I struggle with is threatening to consume me again.  I've been feeling trapped.  I'm thankful for some sweet friends who understand the same struggle and encouraged me with words of affirmation and love.  They reminded me I'm not alone and that I am already stronger than I was last winter.   

This morning, I found myself overwhelmed, threatened by my anxious thoughts and the fatigue of not sleeping well lately.  After a good, long cry in the safety and comfort of my hubby's arms and coming before the throne of our God together in prayer, I felt His peace that surpasses understanding once again.  I was ready to race, to prove that I could do it, even if I had lost a lot of training and fitness in the past two weeks.  All I wanted to do was finish, to prove to myself that it is possible, that I can really overcome.

Halfway through the first (2 mile) loop, I began to wonder what I had been thinking.  My mind was playing games with me, feeding me the lies that I couldn't do it, that it was a stupid idea to begin with, and that I might as well quit already before I was more embarrassed.  I was already well behind the rest of the group and unable to run as much as I had hoped.

I came to the first cross road and one of the race volunteers directing traffic cheered me on, "Way to go!  You're right on track.  Keep it up!  And keep on smiling - enjoy it!"  I laughed and wondered how I could possibly enjoy it when every bone in my body was ready to give up.  But, I kept pushing, reminding myself how good it would feel to finish and that I really could do it.

As I rounded the corner to start the next loop, my hubby joined me, cheering me on for the final 1 mile of the race.  He kept pushing me to run a little bit more, that I was almost there, and that I really could do it.  As I finally rounded the corner again for the finish, he ran off to the side where my parents and our little ones stood.  I heard his voice first - "You can do it, Steph!" and then I heard my parents saying, "All right, Steph!  Way to go!".  As I ran to the finish line, the crowd suddenly started cheering for me and I thought, "Wow!  I really did it!" 

It was the best feeling ever to cross that finish line and hear my hubby and parents say, "I'm so proud of you!" and to know that I not only accomplished my mission to complete a race, but I accomplished much, much more.

I learned that I really am stronger than I realize - strong enough to recover fully from heart surgery at 13, strong enough to endure a painful break up, strong enough to make my own way in the world on a campus where I knew no one, strong enough to push through an education major in four years, when the typical student took five years, strong enough to make it through the traumatic birth experiences of both my children, strong enough to overcome postpartum anxiety and depression, strong enough to make it through the many storms of life with my faith, my hope in the One true God bigger and better than ever before. 

I am stronger, because the One who lives in me, gives me breath, and walks me through each new day is stronger than any obstacle, any hurdle, any challenge that comes my way.  In the words of Mandisa...

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger...

Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand

Go on and fall into the arms of Jesus...

Believe me this is gonna make you stronger