I don't even know exactly how to describe how good it felt to be back in the classroom. I was so worried about missing my kids, but, the moment I stepped into that classroom, it just felt right. I forgot how much I missed it. It kind of took me by surprise, because, since my daughter was born, my life has revolved around my kids. I threw myself wholeheartedly into being a mom (which I absolutely love)...but, somewhere along the way, I forgot about me.
I can still vividly remember playing school with my brothers and sisters at home. My mom had found some old desks at a rummage sale and a large chalkboard for us to use. We set up our own little schoolroom in the basement and I would spend hours preparing lessons, teaching my brothers and sisters, and grading homework. I knew as early as third grade that teaching was a passion of mine.
I remember teaching my brothers and sisters outside the "classroom" too. I wrote plays and taught them how to act it out. I sang songs and taught them the hand motions or dances as I sang. I read stories and included voices for every different character. I couldn't help but teach. It was as much a part of me as breathing.
The first time I stepped into a real classroom as a teacher, albeit a teacher in training, it just came so natural to me. The teachers I studied under told me time and time again "you were born to do this". Every time a student understood a new concept, overcame a learning struggle, or became excited about a lesson, my heart came alive. This is what I was meant to do.
The day I saw two lines on a pregnancy test, I knew I would be a stay at home mom. But, I hated giving up teaching. I cried as I said goodbye to my classroom and felt heartbroken when another school year began without me. I loved being a mom, but I missed teaching.
When my second born came along and the struggles overwhelmed me, I wondered who I was. I felt like I was walking around in a fog for almost a year until I finally asked for help. And, as I began to heal, I started to remember who I am. I am a mom...but I am so much more than that.
I began to journal about the hidden parts of me, remembering who God made me to be. Just like my husband and I have to make the time for us to keep our marriage alive, I have to make time for me to keep me alive. Because, when my children are grown and creating homes of their own, the house will be quiet and there will still be me.
That is so true Stephanie.....one of the best things we can do for our family is to make time to recharge ourselves. I am so glad you had this opportunity to teach again!
ReplyDeleteThis was wonderful! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWisdom...pure and simple.
ReplyDeleteseems God gave you the natural gift of teaching, and it would be sad for you not to use the talent he has given you! Glad to hear you are back and enjoying it. Sounds like you have the balance figured out. Great BPM. :)
ReplyDeleteThis post just lifted my heart. I am a firm believer that the Lord gives us both large and small passions, hobbies, talents... beautiful details that make us unique like snowflakes and were meant to inspire our hearts, and help others. It can be so hard as a mother (especially in those early years when you're drowning in being needed) to remember who you are, or rediscover who that woman is. So glad you've been able to find a balance where you have a good sense of what He's placed in you, both your passions in the home and beyond it :)
ReplyDeleteI love this. I wrote about something similar, finding your passion because "Motherhood is a limited engagement". At the end of the day we have to remember that our children will learn not only what we teach them but how we live and if we give up all of ourselves for them, what does that teach them? I truly believe they need to see their mothers living, loving an creating.
ReplyDelete